mazzy1212 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 ive been dating a great guy for about 4 months. we have never talked about our past relationships or amount of partners. im not sure how to bring it up at this point. i feel like its something we should have talked about a long time ago (before we were official we spent a lot of alone time for about two months and it feels like it should have happened then). i also feel that since the talk is overdue (in my opinion) he will think im bringing it up for some specific reason. just looking for a segway or something to get into this topic. i dont think i can just say, "hey tell me about your ex's" or "how many people have you slept with". Link to comment
holdfasthope Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Why do you feel compelled to ask? I don't think anyone ever likes what they hear. Link to comment
mazzy1212 Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 well i think you need to hear about someones past relationships. it really clues you in on stuff about them. what they are looking for/what they arent. how they deal with problems or stress and just what type of partner they will/are/can be. he's my love and i think we will be together for many years, maybe forever, and i will need to know this. he will become my best friend and we need to share a lot. i like to know how many partners someone ive been with has had just to know. health reasons. believe me, im not that person who asks and holds it over their head. the past is the past but the past can help/clarify the furture. Link to comment
holdfasthope Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 So, there, you just did it! Thats what you need to say to him - It will help you understand him and be closer to him. If he's a good guy, he'll understand! When someone loves you, you don't need a segway to bring up an important issue! Link to comment
mazzy1212 Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 ugh! its just so weird. especially, bc like i said, i think it should have been discussed a looong time ago. you know how it is when you are doing something that should have been done earlier. its always odd. Link to comment
holdfasthope Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 there's no right or wrong time for this stuff. you do it when you do it. I understand that it feels awkward, but if he's a good guy, he'll make it easy for you. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I try and avoid details of past partners as much as possible! I would be glad if it never even came up. I prefer to think I'm the first and last. (Even though it sounds dillusional). Why bring up the past and be reminded of others who lay next to him, and next to you? I agree the past makes us who we are, but some guys and girls end up getting all bothered (a bit too much) over their partners past. My bf asked me once about sexual partners, etc for instance, and I dunno.. I didn;'t have a high number, but I KNOw (and he admitted it) that if I did, he wouldn't see me as less, but he would definatly look at me a bit differently. And it also provoked light feelings of jealousy (which to me is a normal reaction, I feel somewhat same when he talks of exes). Link to comment
Superfreak Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 A persons past can reveal quite a bit about them. I'd absolutely want to know about there previous partners, word to the wise, nobody ever improved there relationship by being LESS communicative to there partners. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I would not ask for details. It is okay to bring it up casually so that you get an idea of how many women he dated, and the duration of those relationships as that is good info to know, but don't ask any sexual details other than a generic how many sexual partners have you had in the past, or how many one night stands have you had.....anymore than that and you tread on dangerous ground. These convos get ugly as they can really make your mind wander in a bad way. Link to comment
MaNg0s Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Just ask him if he has strong feelings for you then you should be able to talk about anything. Just be clear with your questions and reasons behind them and it will be fine. Past relationships do reveal a lot about a persons character could show you their deepest insecurities all you can do is just make sure to assure him that you will be there for him. Link to comment
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