Blue Skittles Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Ok, this is just interesting, so I thought I'd write about it. I just got out of a relationship a while ago and new to the dating scene, not ready for a relationship yet. anyways, I met this really cute guy. He is really great. But I'm just not ready to commit. So I've probably broken every single dating rule there is out there. I call him when I want to call him. I don't wait 5 days. I ask him to come over and watch movies with me. I beg him to stay and cuddle. I called him in the middle of the night when I was drunk. I have him come hang out with me and my girlfriend when we are in the middle of acting CRAAAZY I thought for sure this guy would be running for the hills right now. But he's on MSN today telling me he misses me and he says "you have no idea how much I like you" So whats with all these dating rules???? Link to comment
Suesser Tod Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Quite simple, you've been yourself, and he liked it. That's a way better way to get a guy than playing games. It's just that people love games. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Well, It seems like you are playing games with him. And That's not cool. Instead of trying to chase him away..why didn't you just tell him you weren't ready for anything serious right off the bat? That would have been the mature thing to do. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 maybe you're being real and just you and he likes that. don't worry about it right now. just relax and see where it takes you. some people don't adhere to the rules. my last bf called me every day in the beginning and we made a unplanned date two days later (the same day). I've made dates the same day and they've led to relationships. both my sisters slept with their husbands in the first few dates (something i'd never do) now they're happily married five years strong. my sister has pursued her husband (and at first he wasn't into her)...and well...rules don't always apply. maybe he likes that you're a little quirky and crazy and maybe he likes that your assertive. well, you don't sound clingy and needy...(that's what the rules usually apply to) so that people don't act desperate, but it sounds as though you guys just like each other, not playing games and he likes that. don't think about it. let it unfold the way it should. also, since you don't sound like you "need" a relationship, I'm sure he senses that too. Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 No, Snoopy, you are mistaken. Don't get me wrong. I LIKE this guy. I did the exact opposite. I didn't play ANY games at all with him. I've been completely myself and open and honest. I didn't play those stupid silly little dating games like "you're not supposed to call until after 5 days" or "don't invite him to your place until after the 3rd date" etc. I'm not trying to get rid of him; the subject line: if you've seen the movie you will understand. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I'd say alot of dating rules are junk and the one's that aren't are merely guidelines rather then absolute necessities that you need to adhere to. As long as you're polite and considerate in arranging when to call someone and when to ask to meet someone that you just met then you can play by your own rules. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I understand. I agree with the above. Sounds like you were just being yourself. While I think it's a good idea to rein in any clingy tendencies you have - for your own development rather than anyone else's - at the end of the day, you've got to be yourself and if a guy doesn't like you... then it's not going to turn out happily. Good for you. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 No, Snoopy, you are mistaken. Don't get me wrong. I LIKE this guy. I did the exact opposite. I didn't play ANY games at all with him. I've been completely myself and open and honest. I didn't play those stupid silly little dating games like "you're not supposed to call until after 5 days" or "don't invite him to your place until after the 3rd date" etc. I'm not trying to get rid of him; the subject line: if you've seen the movie you will understand. Ok, well you said you are not ready to commit right now..so I took it that you meant you break "the rules" purposely, so he wouldn't like you as much. If I am wrong I apologize. But either way, it seems like he likes you a lot. And if feel like you don't want to commit right now, you should tell him that. Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Once someone is attracted to a certain level, the dating rules don't matter one whit, while the initial attraction is white hot at least. You could fart in someone's face who is crazy about you and they will think it's cute. It's all in the chemicals. Sounds like your guy is fully infatuated at the moment, enjoy it while it lasts. He won't tell you when it fades some, btw, as it inevitably will, and then is the time you need to be wary of clingy behavior and temper your tempo some. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 HM.. good thread blue skittles. Like some said: your being yourself.. which is "breaking the rules" technical lol. OK not really but what I mean is your doing what YOU think feels right and your doing it "in the moment" not b/c it's "the rules". Good for you! It's sometimes hard to take the risk and toss out all the rules. Just keep being yourself, I guess you found a good guy to be yourself/open with. I'm guessing maybe the rules work on guys who aren't ready to commit in the first place. So by calling "too soon" etc, your chasing them away further. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I think the rules are more for the sanity of the one holding them. There was a time when I would call a guy stone drunk, and think nothing of it. That's fine - unless you don't recognize how it can be a problem or could be seen as strange to another person. I didn't. So long as your own head is on straight, you are good to go. Sounds good, Blue Skittles. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Re-reading the post the only thing that I can think of that I would see negatively out of everything you said you had done would be calling me in the middle of the night drunk. It might not be a dealbreaker but it would make me think the girl had some poor judgement and I prefer girls that don't drink particularely heavily in the first place. That's just me though but I'm glad it's working out for you. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 You're lucky. I wish that if I was like that (which is my true personality), that guys would stick around with me. You show a guy how you truly are (warts and all, clinginess and all) and they still leave. You act aloof, have a life, don't cling to them, etc., and they still leave. Life is tough. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Instead of telling him you weren't interested you just decided to be yourself. So now he likes who you are but you have deceived him since you don't really like him. Rather than wait for these signs (which are very subtle) to make him run just be honest with him. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Instead of telling him you weren't interested you just decided to be yourself. So now he likes who you are but you have deceived him since you don't really like him. Rather than wait for these signs (which are very subtle) to make him run just be honest with him. I think the original poster has more of an attitude of "I'm pretty jaded on relationships, I don't care if this one succeeds or fails so I'll just be myself" and to her surprise being herself has worked out well. I don't think she was ever actively trying to push him away, she just wasn't doing what most girls are taught is necessary to keep a guy around in the early stages. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 i didn't know there were dating rules. i've never stuck to them. haven't bitten me in the butt yet. i don't wait X amount of days to call someone im interested in. Link to comment
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