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first girl I really like after sooo long... don't know how to act to get her


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Until today I had only posted on the forum titled "healing after break up or divorce", so it's a big step to find myself writting under this much more suggestive title... and only for this reason I should be feeling happy!


The story reads as follows:


I began a new job 2 months ago. She is my senior. However, we've alwas got along very well since I began working here. We even met casually some nights and had a chance to have a drink together. At job, she has become sort of my coach and always tries her best to help me out and give me the best counsils possible as regards any problems or how to act in certain situations and before the partners of the firm.


I've always said, pretending to be joking, she's my favorite boss.


On the Xmas dinner of the company I ended up saying I liked her, half joking half serious... just to cover myself in the case she didn't. We've talked about it and I'm sure she likes me too (she's said things like... If I was not your boss things would had happened long ago, I like your hands, You're perfect, any girl would like to date a person like you...). I've been just as explicit with her about my feelings.


However, I feel angry to myself because my mood changes according to how she feels towards me at each moment, and her attitude changes every second. Sometimes, she comes with a present, and asking what would I like her to be as regards myself (obviously expecting me to say... my girlfriend), at the next minute, she says our story is impossible and we have confused ourselves... One time she says things like you're perfect, and the next minute she says it's just impossible and she's taken a decission about it and she's serious on it.


I imagine she's just afraid about what she's feeling, and the consequences this would have in the company (taking into consideration she's my boss, her ex boyfriend (5 years relationship) works here too, although in another department, I'm new and have only been here for 2 months, I'm 2 years younger than her, ...).


Sometimes she says she likes bad boys... and this is certainly not what I am. I'm very sentimental and feel things very deep, by now she knows this. And I'm not sure whether this is one of the reasons too. After all, I imagine girls don't want bad boys for anything more than flirting, especially when they begin to think seriously about their future.


Yesterday after she gave me the present I mailed her thanking her for it and telling her how nice it had been to spend lunch time with her and how time seemed to stop when we were together. Then she seemed to be afraid of my words and said our story was impossible. I didn't let her go on and went back to my office. After a while she came to mine asking to me what had we done and how we had ended up with all this confusion in our minds. I didn't let her keep on with this and she said sorry and left.


Now I don't know exactly which attitude to adopt. Whether I should try to pretend I don't mind about her or if acting like this will make her think I wasn't serious about us or I have moved on and no longer want anything with her. However everyone says girls mean yes when they say no and that you have to make them suffer a bit in order for them to end up falling in your arms... is this the right attitude?


I'd appreciate any help as I really like this girl.

Thanks so much!

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This post to me sounded like a cute romance if ever I heard one.


I don't know what kind of company it is, but she sounds pretty clear about not thinking a romance between you can work, so I also agree with the other poster to back off, but I would not close your heart and be cold.


I think that if you love (or could love) her, then surely you don't want to hurt her. You like her and she likes you, so don't punish her for something she most likely has no choice about. As your senior, she most likely has more at stake than you. I suggest that you respect the fact that you both need to keep it chill, but I would also drop little subtle hints that you still hold a torch for her if you do.


Have you ever seen that film 'like water for chocolate'? where the two people have a romance without having one. I think it would be nice if you kept a distance and put on an act of professionalism, but just let it leak occasionally that that's all it is. By the time one of you leaves the company, you'll both be ready to burst. If neither of you is likely to leave the company, then maybe the best thing is for you two to develop a friendship, and eventually, in a few years, the whole of the company will have gotten used to seeing you two together and won't be so alarmed if it turns into more. Just some thoughts. I really don't know what the best plan of action (or inaction) should be.


I wish you well though

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