80+ text messages to many??.....

[Muylinda]

Been seeing my boy now for a little over 3 months. We're taking it pretty slow in my book - seeing each other once a week, talking all the time on the phone, he's met some of my family, he's talked about introducing me to his soon etc,etc the whole slow thing is good for me, I tend to jump right ahead to all the good parts and miss the boring parts in relationships. But mainly its good because I'm still dealing with trust issues (as you will see) as a result of a bad experience from my previous relationship.

 

So I'll just come out with it. I checked out his text messages. I know I know! Don't even get me started - its pathetic and wrong and more so. Even more shameful because he's never given me reason to distrust him. Told you "I" had issues! Its the sort of thing I've never felt the need to do until recently (note again previous bad experience).

 

Thing is, he has over 80 text messages on his phone. Needless to say I didn't check them all out. Neither did anything I read suggest anything incriminating. Hell, nearly all of the latest ones were from me!

 

However, the oldest of these messages dates back to before we even met, a lot of them from the same person who I'd assume is an ex-gf, because the content of the only one I read was quite naughty.

 

So he is keeping over 80+ messages, including many from his ex going back to Aug last year, and if going by the one I read are saucy ex texts ........... Does this ring alarm bells for anyone other than me? If your seeing someone else why keep them????? Perhaps he doesn't know how to "delete" them? haha or am I over-reacting?

 

A Little guidance needed people, my gut instinct and internal intuition are shod. What do you think?

[angeliamce]

No big deal- I keep messages all the time from people I don't even like just to remember certain things. 80+ messages is nothing- most send that in a few hours. Enjoy, trust, and don't look for problems. Believe and if something happens then look, before then you are hurting yourself by made up issues. Do you want to be happy- don't question and mistrust.

[itsallgrand]

Seems ok to me. Much better to have someone who isn't afraid to leave things be, than someone who obsessively "deletes" what they are doing and saying.

 

Ok, so does he know you were on his phone and peeping around? (he might have even handed it to you willingly, y'know) lol.

[caro33]

I think there's nothing wrong with it at all - hey, I do the same thing. For me, I use it as a form of lazy diary, to know where I was in life when certain things and conversations happened. Let it go. If anything, it shows he has nothing to hide. In my view, a regularly deleted inbox is more of a concern.

[Lana0120]

It doesn't ring alarm bells to me. Thinking about it, I probably have some old texts from way back which I should delete. It's laziness.

[cheekychic]

i always keep texts ... i have texts dating back to when i first got my new phone in april. every week i do a clear out and delete the texts that i dont want to keep becuase it slows the phone down if i havew to many. id say i have over 100 texts saved. they are mainly really nice ones that my BF had sent me during happy periods and every so often i liek the read them again.

 

though i must admit ... id be a bit jealous if a BF was saving x-rated texts from his ex GF. but thats just me

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i have all my text messages... i see no reason to delete them unless my phone runs out of space... no big reason. sometimes it is useful to look back through messages for dates you did stuff, or info there. easier to leave it all than weed through it selectively deleting things.

 

i'd be more concerned about why you are checking his phone when he has done nothing wrong. i would never do that unless i had SIGNIFICANT reason to suspect he was cheating... otherwise it's an invasion of his privacy, and nothing really to do with protecting yourself, just feeding your own fears or insecurities.

 

frequently people want to totally eliminate a person's prior history with girlfriends as if it didn't exist, because they are overly jealous or insecure or fearful. that says more about you than him.

 

so please deal with your trust issues or he may really resent being spied on when he has done nothing wrong. and yes, he had a prior girlfriend, most people do, and have several of them, unless they are really young. so finding 'evidence' of his prior girlfriend doesn't mean anything, since you know he had one, and the messages are all old.

[southerngirl]

He may know how to delete them and doesn't want to. I have some texts saved on my phone.

 

My question is, why were you snooping through his phone?

[servedcold]

There are still 8 month old texts from my ex on my phone. Time to delete them I guess because if new GF snoops, she will have the same issue you are facing. Wouldn't worry yourself too much about it.

[Jadine]

Haha, no worries. I usually have about that amount too because I'm too lazy to delete 'em.

[JadedStar]

Sounds like he is guilty of being a poor housekeeper electronically. That's all.

 

It does sound, however, like he trusts you more than you do him....he obviously trusted you wouldn't go thru his phone and that is why he never bothered cleaning the phone out. Not because he was doing something clandestine but because if he really thought you would snoop he'd get rid of that old stuff.

[servedcold]

OP, thanks for this thread, as it reminded me to clear out all my text messages, some rather ancient. New GF can now snoop to her heart's content this weekend without getting concerned about ex texts.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I dunno.. as soon as I break up with someone or get dumped, I delete the msg's b/c they are a reminder of the past. No use holding onto memories of the person I'm not with anymore, especially if there is someone new in the picture. I'm not going to go back and reminisce about the ex.

[JadedStar]

I dunno.. as soon as I break up with someone or get dumped, I delete the msg's b/c they are a reminder of the past. No use holding onto memories of the person I'm not with anymore, especially if there is someone new in the picture. I'm not going to go back and reminisce about the ex.

 

Especially on a phone vs email since texts rarely require a password to leaf thru. Or if they do i've never set one. lol

 

I am an electronic packrat unfortunately. I have some old ass emails in my folders.

[someguy88]

I delete them from my phone like every week just because I don't want anyone snooping through my phone. It's not that I have anything to hide; I just know some people that do go through other peoples phones and I don't like that. I can't say I've ever received a text message that was really worth saving anyway.

[Muylinda]

I just wanted to give the biggest thanks to everyone for their advice and opinions. You’ve made me see this situation from all angles which I wasn’t able to do on my own.

 

deal with your trust issues or he may really resent being spied

– This is so true. This is the main issue.

 

I imagined how I’d feel if he’d done the same and I KNOW I wouldn’t be impressed. I don’t have anything to hide, and would be pretty offended. Still makes me uncomfortable to think he’s keeping messages like that from an ex….. just the thought of it makes me unsteady. But the general consensus puts this down to laziness. And I gotta admit he IS lazy So I’m going to try and not let that get to me.

 

To be completely honest I had no justified reason to snoop. All I can say without going into detail is that my trust and faith took a REALLY BIG thrashing not too long ago. So this is the first person I’ve seen since the thrashing and I’ve found myself ‘jumping at shadows’ so to speak. But even I know it doesn’t make what I did right, and its something I really need to sort out with myself.

 

Thanks again!

 

X ML

[jengh]

I don't think it's a big deal. My inbox is always full...i even have some locked messages from my ex just to remember something....he could just be lazy or forget that he has them if he doesn't text a lot

[k8s]

maybe he kept them there to remind him that someone thinks/thought he is sexy and loveable thats what I do in case I feel down one day I can look at one and remind myself heh im not that bad after all

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

no big deal at all. even tho after 3 months me and my ex had what 200-350 text messages between us.......she had to change her plan beacuse of me

 

anyways nothing wrong with him having old text from someone else, i still have mines from my ex. the explicit ones also

[alisvolatpropriis]

I have been in the EXACT same situation. I agree with you, I have no idea why I checked them either, I had no reason to, but I did anyway. My ex had over 200 texts on his phone, from before we even met, and some of them were very racy with his ex. They were on there because he just was too lazy to delete all of them, he said he never went back and read them or anything. After I pointed it out, he got REALLY angry and actually threatened to end things with me, but he ended up not.

 

If nothing you found recently was incriminating, then I would leave it alone. Since there are SOME racy messages on there he's obviously not deleting things that he doesn't want you to see, so you know thats not the case.

 

I would just try and forget about it.

[v-neck]

He may know how to delete them and doesn't want to. I have some texts saved on my phone.

 

My question is, why were you snooping through his phone?

 

 

Haha, I love that photo southerngirl, nice

 

Yea don't be snooping, if you really want to know, just ask... You're allowed to trust someone, thats ok, and when you feel somethings not right it's ok to ask. The truth is usually no given, but until they prove untrustworthy have some fun together!