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Hi everyone, I’ve been browsing around for an answer to my problem and stumbled on this forum and..well here goes.


I was going out with my partner for three months and split up officially last week. I knew it was coming but it didn’t go very well because we were both drunk and things were said that basically made me come off as a bit of a pathetic needy person and her as insensitive. She has basically come out of a 2 year relationship about 2 weeks before we met so I guess my fears of the being the rebound guy were confirmed last week, which hurts me as she is an amazing person who I have fell in love with. I know already you are thinking that she can’t be that amazing if she will screw with my feelings but I know what’s there inside her if she wasn’t feeling so hurt about her ex.


She text me the day after the break up apologising for being insensitive and saying that she doesn’t feel like she is and agreed with me that we should meet up again after the new year things have gone on so we can talk properly. I’m in love with her and she knows this but she has stated that she is not ready to be a girlfriend as she is still grieving over her love for her ex, which I understand..how I deal with that one is something I’m unsure about because I know she likes me a lot but one thing that I’ve noticed about her is she has trouble letting go. I guess being in love and not being with her anymore has made me realise where she’s at, the last thing I want right now is to meet anyone else.


You see maybe I need closure as our last meet when we broke wasn’t right but she hasn’t text me since she said we should sort something out the day after we broke up. (may I just point out I can’t ring her because she never answers – not just with me, there are some setting on her phone that have messed up where she can’t see who’s ringing her so she never picks up). I’ve text her this morning to see if she was okay but she hasn’t replied which is kind of upsetting.


Anyway the real problem for me is this. I have been reflecting over the last week about things and there was something I realised that is maybe true or not. Let me explain, during our time she said certain things to me that were kind of weird but I didn’t really think about at the time. After a couple of weeks of seeing each other we got onto the subject of what we think each of us are like. She said good things about me but then she said that she feels that I am going to f++k her up, as in physically. Later on she suggested to me that maybe when we got back to my place that I should hit her and stuff. And this belief of hers that I would do something to her remained and was mentioned by her every so often. I’m not like this btw and would never even consider hitting a woman. On the day we split we were in a bar and I said I couldn’t talk to her in her properly about the issue at hand and suggested that she should come back to my place to talk more and she said she didn’t want to because she felt that I would do something to her, her exact words were beat her up or rape her. This hurt me because why would she think this? I have been nothing but good to her the whole time, granted I’ve had many fights with guys over the years but to do anything bad to a woman is not me at all. Anyway what my problem is here is that if she really felt I was capable of these things, then why did she stay with me? I spoken to a girl, a friend of mine about what she looked for with what become a rebound relationship for her after being hurt emotionally by a ltr and I’ve come to believe that maybe because she was hurt by her ex (my ex) she wanted to meet someone who would hurt her and make her feel bad, and she thought I would be that guy to do bad things to her and maybe she has now dumped me now because she realises that I’m actually a great guy for her. Does this make sense? If you have any questions about this I’ll be happy to answer. I believe this and if it’s true I need to do something about it because what if she finds an abusive guy? I can’t stand back and do nothing about it, I care deeply for her and want to protect her. Does it sound like maybe she wants to get treated badly by someone? If so what can I do to help her see sense that she doesn’t need to do this?


Thanks for reading all that thought it would be shorter

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It is possible the ex she is in love with was abusive to her and that is what she expects in relationships. She sounds very emotionally damaged and you can't help her. She has to help herself and if she is a product of an abusive home, until she has an epiphany, she will find herself more comfortable with men who mimick the abusive upbringing. Just walk away from this and find a healthy woman who is not pining for an ex.

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