I dont respect my GF

[downnout]

So here goes. I was with my current gf for 2 years before we took a mutual break for a variety of reasons. Before we were together she was very sexually promiscious. Was the other woman with a guy in college and aborted his baby. Also in college she became intoxicated and was taken advantage of by 2 people ( Im skeptical of the validity of these claims and think she just had drunk sex and regretted it ). During our break she had 2 one night stands. I was not a saint before we were together and during our break. But, it bothers me. She was in reality kind of a * * * * * . How do I get this out of my mind? How do I know if its too much to get over ?

[HappyAsALark]

Has she changed?

[downnout]

I don't know. Thats another thing. It makes it hard for me to respect and virtually impossible to trust her. I love her more than anything. But, my deep down feelings come out in my behavior sometimes and it causes issues.

[jettison]

So here goes. I was with my current gf for 2 years before we took a mutual break for a variety of reasons. Before we were together she was very sexually promiscious. Was the other woman with a guy in college and aborted his baby. Also in college she became intoxicated and was taken advantage of by 2 people ( Im skeptical of the validity of these claims and think she just had drunk sex and regretted it ). During our break she had 2 one night stands. I was not a saint before we were together and during our break. But, it bothers me. She was in reality kind of a * * * * * . How do I get this out of my mind? How do I know if its too much to get over ?

 

I think it's fair to be worried about your GFs sex history. However, just know that the older you get, the more of a "resume" each of your partners is likely to have. As men tend to brag about their conquests, and they are even congratulated by all their peers, and sometimes secretly respected by other women even if the women loathe them publicly, women are often ostricized by practing the same thing.

 

So, many women tend to keep their conquests to themselves. It's just not talked about. You may be surprised by just how many "encounters" go unreported. Think about it... a reasonably attractive woman can basically have sex almost any time she likes. A similar man still has a ton of hurdles to get over.

[LostInMyThoughts]

There are two sides to this.

 

If you wanted a saintly woman, she isn't it, and that's that. It sounds like youre no saint either, so I believe what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

The other thing to realize is that her past is her past, and anything that occurred outside your relationship should not have any bearing on your relationship.

 

I think that yes, what she's done in her pasts speaks to who she is, however nothing you've written about is (imo) bad and doesnt give you any right to judge her actions.

[fivespot]

Hey, I feel for you!

 

My ex was the same way. Only during our "break" she had sex with 5 different guys.

 

But for some reason, call it stupidity, I never judged her for anything she did.

 

I felt sorry for her...she was always unlucky in love, for as long as I've known her. She had major health problems, so I let things slide. And on top of all that, I was in love with her, so I took her back when she came back.

 

But she broke my heart a second time. And there won't be a third. The truth in the matter is you can't trust or respect someone like that. And you don't want someone like that. You deserve something better.

 

You can blame it on society...it's a shame. Look at the role models girls have today. Paris, Brittney, etc. Need I say more?

 

Well, these "girls" will find love someday, I'm sure. But they need to GROW UP and start thinking about others rather than just themselves. If it doesn't happen, then they'll end up alone, regardless of how "hot" they are.

 

That's the one thing my ex couldn't understand. Yes, people wanted her, but only for sex. She wanted a loving relationship and had one, but it wasn't enough. She wanted more guys...that's just the way she was.

 

So let her get through this stage and eventually grow up. But she isn't my problem anymore. I actually feel guilty saying this, but let someone else put up with her s*it.

 

Leopards can't change their spots. Remember that.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I don't know. Thats another thing. It makes it hard for me to respect and virtually impossible to trust her. I love her more than anything. But, my deep down feelings come out in my behavior sometimes and it causes issues.

 

What has she down to make you not trust her?

 

If it's have a lot of sex, I don't think thats a legitimate reason not to trust someone.

 

If it's because she's made bad decisions (ie drunken sex), again thats not a trust issue.

 

If she cheated on past boyfriends, then yeah that's a reason, but just becahse she has a colorful past doesnt mean she's not trustworthy.

[downnout]

Maybe not. But I do. Especially the abortion issue. Could I spend the rest of my life with a woman who was a * * * * ? I don't know.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Maybe not. But I do. Especially the abortion issue. Could I spend the rest of my life with a woman who was a * * * * ? I don't know.

 

What makes her a (i'm guessing a derogatory term for a woman who has sex)?

 

Seems like if a guy has sex, it's okay.

 

If a girl does it, shes a (insert four letter s-word).

 

But, it sounds like your mind is made up. Her sexual history is too much for you to handle, so perhaps its best to move on. Realize though that this is your issue, not hers.

[sandyv]

Hey downnout... I think you should give your girlfriend a break, these things you speak of, were before right?

 

If she hasn't done anything to betray your trust during your relationship, you should be letting the past be that, the PAST....

 

Sandy

[HappyAsALark]

It sounds like she has a self esteem issue. That is why a lot of girls sleep around. If you care for her and think she has changed then you have to get over this. If you are using her past against her and throwing it up in her face when you argue, which is sort of what you eluded to, then well...you are a jerk. No, I am just kidding. You have to give her credit for being honest with you about her past, but you should not use it against her when to be quite frank, it really is none of your business. It may be your business as to how many people she has slept with(I don't think it is, but a lot of people believe it to be) but it is not your business to throw back up in her face.

[fivespot]

What she did when she was single isn't really your concern. You need to look at things and how she is with you. Does she flirt with other guys in front of you? Does she seem to respect you?

 

If she does things to make you uncomfortable and has a spotted past, then yes, I'd worry.

 

But if not, then let it go. If you love her, love her for who she is and love her for her mistakes, not despite them.

[fivespot]

In my case, my ex was a s!ut before me, during her time with me, and after me.

 

The "during time" is what I couldn't handle. How would you feel if you go out with your gf to a bar and next thing you know she's all over every guy in the place?

 

She wasn't girlfriend material.

[cristalgold]

If these things are too much for you to handle then maybe you should move on. If this is starting to effect the way you treat her then you need to move on. If you don't respect her then don't be with her. You're on here calling her derogatory names...she deserves better too. Let her go.

[Lana0120]

If you dont respect her there's no way you can have a relationship with her. It's as simple as that. I do think you're being pretty hard on her though.

[grymoire]

The "during time" is what I couldn't handle. How would you feel if you go out with your gf to a bar and next thing you know she's all over every guy in the place?

 

If it is "during time" then it constitutes cheating, is it not? Cheating is usually a deal-breaker for many couples I think. At least to me it is!

[Lionel Hutz]

Bottom line is the truth hurts. Respect that you did not just find out randomly and she told you. Yes it may feel awkward if she sees a friend from her past, you automatically think they got it on, but like another poster said when you grow older everyone is not going to be the Virgin Mary. If thats what you are looking for then you will either be stuck looking for super religious girls or waiting for 17 yr olds while they "bake." Try to forget about it or it will ruin your relationship.

[rocio]

I think it's sad that the woman you love was raped and, instead of being compassionate and giving her the support she needs, you think of her as a liar and a s__t who basically asked for it. Leave this woman and let her find a better man.

[Lionel Hutz]

I think it's sad that the woman you love was raped and, instead of being compassionate and giving her the support she needs, you think of her as a liar and a s__t who basically asked for it. Leave this woman and let her find a better man.

 

Well put.

[sandyv]

I think it's sad that the woman you love was raped and, instead of being compassionate and giving her the support she needs, you think of her as a liar and a s__t who basically asked for it. Leave this woman and let her find a better man.

 

 

Totally beautiful and right-on post under my amberella!

 

 

Sandy

[downnout]

really? maybe i didnt tell you all details on a public for a reason. but it in all reality sounds like morning after regret. ans also ms. canadian , in america when a girl sleeps with two different guys in the same day . that is * * * * ty. im sorry it was. people know that stuff and its embarrassing.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I think it's sad that the woman you love was raped and, instead of being compassionate and giving her the support she needs, you think of her as a liar and a s__t who basically asked for it. Leave this woman and let her find a better man.

 

Ouch, the truth does hurt.

[oceanview]

I think it's sad that the woman you love was raped and, instead of being compassionate and giving her the support she needs, you think of her as a liar and a s__t who basically asked for it. Leave this woman and let her find a better man.

 

You said it for me. Well put.

[sandyv]

But downnout, did you not say you loved her? Doesn't that matter to you at all?

[downnout]

absolutely. thats what makes it a hard realization. and i would never tell her this stuff face to face. obviously im venting in a public forum and some of these peopleon thier high horse cant differentiate that.