Grr...I hate this feeling of jealousy...please help

[gracefulwaves]

Grrr...I hate this feeling of jealousy....it was this feeling that ended my last relationship with another partner...and I don't want jealousy to ruin this one!!...

 

my situation is a bit complicating...my partner and I were together for 2 years but broke up (for reasons I will not go into cause it too is complicating) but we worked it out...and have been "seeing" each other for another 2 years...but we never officially got back together...we are only "dating" and just recently agreed "exclusively dating each other"...you see...the first 2 years of our "relationship" was a secret...only trusted friends and relatives knew of us and its only recently (after 4 long years) that we finally are admitting (sorta) to others we are seeing each other....(this is all relative info., Im getting to my question...)

 

Earlier tonight my partner asked "What did you do today?" and I told him, then I asked "What did you do?", he replied "If I tell you, you're gonna get mad." ...my partner then told me he kicked it with and had dinner with this girl for 2 hours, (whom he knows I don't like because we just don't really get along, she annoys me and is self-centered.) (im not the only one who thinks this way...i can name plenty of ppls who would agree with me) I said, "I'm too tired to get mad right now." ( i tried to hid my jealous feeling and thought to myself "don't ask any questions because i was told once "what you don't know won't hurt you." but i was consumed by curiosity)

 

So I asked many questions:

I asked "You called her?" He told me, "No, she emailed me and asked if she could see my new place and wanted me to call her. So yeah I called her and invited her over" I wanted to know what they did and how they ended up eating dinner if she only asked to see the house and why she stayed for 2 hours? he gave me the reasons but it wasn't enough...i wanted to know more. He said she complained the whole night about this guy she was seeing and about her ex. I asked if that was all and he said "yeah, I was busy watching football." I asked questions cause I didn't think he was telling me the whole story...i thought he was hiding something from me cause he wasn't telling me any details...I guess what I was trying to get at was "Does she know you are seeing me?" he said yeah and then i wanted to know what he said and how she responded. (since he said the only thing we talked about was her). she had asked him if he was seeing anyone and he told her he was seeing me but when he told me this he kinda murmured it. she was like "really"" and that was all he said...most people's reaction would have been "Since when?" ( if you knew our situation) but hers was plain & simple and then she went back to talking about her self.

 

I tried calling his cell that night be he said he didn't get reception and i called the house phone but he gave this excuse that he switched the phone with a phone that he didn't know didn't ring...

 

am i overreacting???...i think I am cause Im reading this novel and it sounds to me I am....I just can't help this feeling of jealousy...you see, my ex boyfriend (not this one) broke up with me for another girl and I guess im still heartbroken and traumatized by it. I guess I feel insecure that he will do the same and leave me for her. I just don't want to have to go through that experience again, especially since I love my partner and I know he loves me too.

 

I want to rid myself of this jealousy...do you have any advice?...

 

sorrie so long!! thanks for your time...i couldn't sleep

[CheyGirl]

AIDS alone should be enough to show you that "what you don't know CAN hurt you" ....think about it. But to think that "curiosity" was a safer place to be standing....just remember, "curiosity killed the cat" (........which just so happened to be by a car... he didn't know .....that killed him)

[klw777]

oh my god i have to say the AIDS thing was a little harsh, at the end of the day anyone could cheat on anyone else and we could all be at risk of infection but i dont think thats what this person is asking for advice on!!!!

[sweetnes304]

Does your bf always ask you what you did today? if not it seems to me that he wanted you to find out. Im an very jelaous person too, but i have learned to control it, every time i get the "feeling" i just take deep breaths and think of how me being jelaous is actually gonna help the situation. In the end if he is cheating on you it wont matter if your jelaous or not, just try to live as worry free as possible, if he is cheating like i said, you will find out sooner or later. Some guys feed off of girls being jelaous of them, it makes them feel like they have power over the other person. If you act cool even though you might feel like your burning up, he will see that you are confident and trust me that is a turn on for guys.