closure and NC

[Gratsy]

I did an NC a while back with this guy who I had a crush on. He had been a friend of mine and I think he really liked that I was an idiot who was unaware of the fact that he wasn't interested in anything more than helping his ego. I don't condemn him for it or anything...I think its something a lot of people do.

 

However, what I'm really trying to address is that I did the right thing when I NC'd him. It was hard for me to see that he didn't care to contact me or anything and it was very hard for me to have closure on the matter.

 

NC was the right thing because he would have dragged me around forever...I would have kept hoping that something was going to happen when it wasn't going to happen. Its a matter of pride to not admit that and I don't really care about pride at this moment since truth for once is just easier.

 

He recently wrote me after I sent an e-card and said that he was sorry for leading me on. He set me free. It was the honesty and the closure I needed.

 

I don't know why people aren't honest more often. Its far less cruel to simply hurt someone early on with the truth than to allow them to fester in a lie that ends up hurting them far more than the truth. It only hurt a bit and the thing about it is: I'm really happy to finally be free.

[ghost69]

i know you did nc. but why oh why do so many women need that kind of closure to move on? they guys was a jerk, use that as your closure.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I think this is a great post - I'm going through a break-up where my ex has vanished and I feel bereft. But by NOT contacting him I feel like I've taken back a bit of self-respect, which helps. Even if he wouldn't have answered, if that makes sense, I now feel that...I'm making a choice to look after myself. It does help. I wanted closure really badly, I wanted to have a proper talk, but if you're not going to get it, you're not going to get it.

 

I'm trying the 60 day no contact challenge, and it kind of helps I think. I do stupid things like writing emails - short ones, and then mailing them to myself rather than to him.

 

I'm thinking a lot about stuff at the moment, I have to say, and about what I want from my life and how I want to be. I sort of think that you can learn a lot about yourself and a lot about what you want from your life by going through a break-up. It's not fun...but, yeah, I think you have a choice about how you are, and I'm getting a lot from reading about people's experiences.

 

The thing that I find terrifying are the posts by people who will NOT let go of their past and their ex, and seem to live in pain for months and years. My heart goes out to them, but I'm kind of thinking that you have to be actively involved in your break-up about the choices you make, rather than obsessing and so on. It's probably just a device to make me feel in control, but I quite like it. I'll try anything!

 

Anyway, thanks for this.

[Gratsy]

Maybe we women sort of cope with these situations by finding meaning from endings like that. Its kind of like that idea from Sex and the City, where we feel as though we need to get a "lesson" from difficult experiences.