cheekychic Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 my last BF was guilty of telling so many lies... there was no amazingly huge lies but it was just a catolouge of little white lies. i would catch him out on something every month or so he used to say "they are only white lies " "its harmless" etc he does it to his friends and family on a regular basis aswell i noticed so it wasnt just me, it was everyone i asked him why he lies to me as much as he did and he said "they are just little white lies to make my life easier" and "i knew if i had told you the truth yuo woulda gone off on one so i just lied so save myself the earache" he made me feel like i was being petty as they are only little white lies to save a possible argument do yuo agree?? do u think that little tiny lies are still bad if they have saved earache or an argument??? Link to comment
DN Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I think a so-called 'white lie' is to make other people's lives easier not yours. If it's to make your own life easier it's just an ordinary self-serving lie. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I think it depends how many. Unless we're pathologically honest ;-), most people have told a white lie sometime in their life, so as not to hurt feelings, to make your life easier, etc. However, I think it's important to be honest with people you really care about. With strangers, although I don't like telling white lies, sometimes I will do it because it does make my life easier. With people I care about, I rarely, if ever lie about anything. So yes, I do agree with you that it's wrong for him to tell white lies if he does it often, but it does rather depend on what he lied about, as well. Link to comment
cheekychic Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 yea thats what he meant... he tells little lies to make his own life easier is that so wrong and how common is it?? i seem to have gone out with loads of guys who do it so it just seems normal to me. Link to comment
cheekychic Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 give me 5 minutes n i will think of some examples Link to comment
DN Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If he lies about small things to make his life easier how do you know he is not also lying about big things? If he promises he wouldn't lie about big things how would you know he's not lying? Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If he lies about small things to make his life easier how do you know he is not also lying about big things? If he promises he wouldn't lie about big things how would you know he's not lying? I think DN is right. This is the key thing. Someone who lies so regularly - how can you trust them? I know I couldn't. I had a friend once who lied about the little things all the time and it was a big turn-off friendship wise, as the things he lied about weren't even things that would cause an argument or hurt people's feelings. I also think that some people become addicted to lying, or that it becomes a habit. Not a good one either, but all habits can be broken - if people want to break them. It doesn't sound like he wants to though and it sounds as if this could be a big problem for you two. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 While I can understand why someone might say a 'white lie' in certain situations to avoid hurting someones feelings (like someone you are not THAT close with asks if you like their new haircut), I think if you are continously lying - whether you call them white lies or not, it is an overall sign of dishonesty. Those whom easily lie about little things, often lie about big ones too....(though to them they may not seem so big). To me it comes down to trust as well, and if I can't trust the person to be honest about the LITTLE things, how can I trust them to be honest overall? I have not been in a long term relationship with someone whom lied (about little or big) things other than perhaps trying to cover up a surprise for me or that sort of thing (and even then they are always horrible liars...haha, just like me!) - because to me, that trust is just essential, and it goes both ways. Link to comment
cheekychic Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 here is a small handfull of the lies.............. he had an emotional affair which lasted 5 months (i guess that was one big lie actually) they were very very close and he was in more contact with her then he was me.... about 4 months ago i asked him if he had heard from her at all and he said he hadnt. a few days later i find a face book account thta he hadnt told me about which a couple of comments from her on it. i asked him why he hadnt told me that he had heard from her and he said coz i would start grilling him about it so he said no to save himself the hassle. he had a days holiday booked off work which he didnt tell me about. i spoke to him on that day n he told me he had taken the day off sick. i had a feeling he was lying and didnt tell me in case i presured him into seeing me so i asked him and he got all angry with me for even suggesting that he had booked it off and lied about the he was sick. so i rang his work and asked for him and they told me he had a days holiday. so i confornted him n he admited that he just wanted some time to himself and he didnt wanna start trying to explain to me why he didnt want to see me we spoke on a thursday and arranged to see each other on a friday. 45 mins later he text me and cancelled and said he had forgot that he arranged to go out n get drunk with a few mates n he didnt wanna let them down n get called a drop out. i was pretty annoyed but he went ahead with the plan with his mates. the night he was out we were texting each other and at 2am i text him n asked what he was up 2 n he said he wsa jsut getting a taxi home the next day when i saw him i could sense something wasnt right so i kept asking him to tell me what happened (i thought he had chaeted) but he said there was a few problems and he ended up not going out to get drunk and just went round his mates house instead but had pretended all nite while i was texting him that he was in a bar and getting a cab home coz he thought i'd be angry that he cancelled out plan to go out with mates but then ended up not going out with them. i was fuming that he had made up who he was out with and especially about "im just getting in a cab home now" grrrrrr Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I don't call those little white lies. I think they are bigger lies and if a guy did that to me, he would be so yesterday. I think you should dump him, because this is the kind of person who may one day cheat on you and turn around and say adios. Seriously. Link to comment
cheekychic Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 can i add that he used to admit to lying and he used to say he felt crap about it and wished he could stop but sometimes he cant help himself sometimes Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Newsflash: He can help himself. He just doesn't want to badly enough to do something about it. This is a man who is going to give you a lot more heartache further down the road, I am convinced of it. The issues with him are far greater than telling some lies. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Whoa, Lana is right, I definitely would not call those white lies. They are just lies to help himself and he doesn't seem to care what effect they have on you. If he is lying about those sorts of things, I doubt he would have any problem lying to you about a whole multitude of very serious things, and in my humble opinion, you need to be rid of this guy before he has a chance to cause serious hurt. Link to comment
cheekychic Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 we are not together... we split up not long ago. but we spoke again over the last couple of days and he been saying he wants to turn over a new leaf and be the honest guy i only hoped he would be etc etc etc im so confused now and dont know what to do Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Tough one. I believe people should be given second chances, but usually with somebody else. ;-) I think he's hurt you enough and that even if he has turned over a new leaf (which is possible), that in the back of your mind, you would always wonder. Also, how do you know he has really turned over a new leaf? It may just be that he has become better at lying. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Those aren't white lies. Those are BIG lies he is telling you are white lies. White lies are something like "yes, that new shirt looks great on you (though you hate it you know they love it), though I do prefer your other one". Sorry, there is no way in hell I would stay with someone whom was like that. Link to comment
Killasasparilla Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 My Dad's girlfriend lies like that. Except it's things that don't even matter either way. She's weird. Link to comment
glegend Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I hate white lies, they are the worst thing ever. I guess they are good becausee they fabricate the truth but they are so bad. I admit I do tell them here and there but I still believe honesty is the best policy. My parents say them so much and in the end sometimes they even believe them. Yesterday Im talking with my mom, telling her I need to give my manager my new avaliability becasue of my sem 2 college schedule and my mom is like tell them you got your schedule the other day and that since she wasnt there I could tell them anything. Like why tell them that, its pointless especially when I've had my schedule for about a month now. Link to comment
karvala Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 we are not together... we split up not long ago. but we spoke again over the last couple of days and he been saying he wants to turn over a new leaf and be the honest guy i only hoped he would be etc etc etc im so confused now and dont know what to do Well I'm afraid he's burned his boats in my opinion, since the very nature of his fault (lying) means that you can't believe what he says, including that he's turned over a new leaf. This was the guy who basically said it was okay to lie to you if it made his life better/easier. Imagine if it made his life better to get back with you, how would he go about it? By lying to you, telling you what you want to hear, just as he always has. I'm all for giving people a second chance when there's a realistic chance of it working out, but given the nature of his problem, it's not even possible to accurately evaluate that here, so if it were me, I'd give it a miss. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hi Cheeky, been many years since I've dealt with a "white lie" guy, (oh yeah, there have been other types).... but those lies sound like they have spun out of control from what I've read lately... Be careful, don't be too forgiving, your worth so much more! Take care xx Sandy Link to comment
cheekychic Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 i am far too forgiving and i always have been. i generally let people take me for a fool and sometimes i think i am too nice as people take advantage. he text me last night and said "i never wanted to hurt yuo, you deserve better then me, im sorry" oh yea and another one telling me he wants me to be his princess and he dont wanna be that guy who lies to suit himself any more. GRR so confused.. half of me still really loves him and cant stop thinkin about the good times and how he is when he is really nice... and the other half is very warey. not sure if i should jsut give him one final chance and make it clear that if he does one more thing to hurt me then i am gone for good and to not even bother trying to contact me. he really has admitted to his ways in a number of different areas and sais that he knows he's done things wrong which is the first time he has ever gone that far.... this is why im considering it coz before he would just make out he had done nothing wrong and it was all in my head etc, but to hear him admitting to doing alot of wrong things makes me wonder if he really does want to change. AHHHHH CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.