CaramelChicka Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 So I'll try and keep the short and get straight to the point. Basically, I've been kind of ?dating? a guy since October. As in I met him in September, but with school, work, and extracurriculars I wasn't able to start going on dates with him until October. I knew there was something special about him when I met him just by the way he approached me. Although he might have been another guy after my body, he didn't make it obvious. He has always been the perfect gentleman. So we've been hanging out a lot, especially since the end of October. I'd say we see each other at least 3-4 times a week, if not almost everyday. This is with us both working & going to school pretty much full-time. He is also quick to take me out to eat, to the movies, or just send a text or call to say hi. I must admit he is definitely the most amazing guy I've ever met in my lifetime. I'm talking I didn't think these types of guys existed. Only in the movies & fairytales. For instance, I major in Movie Production and early on I had talked about getting editing software so I can work at home. For christmas he bought me an expensive video editing software package. See... AMAZING!!! Everything's great right. So what's the problem. 1. I got out of a sucky relationship in May, and I don't know if I just think he's so amazing because of the previous dud. 2. He just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship in April. Mind you he's only 22(as am I). 3. He is from a different state, and only down here for college. 4. We are both seniors, he graduates in July, me in August. After which he is leaving the state. 5. I asked him about our situation & obviously he doesn't want to jump into a relationship because he just got out of one. So my question... Should I hang around and just cherish what I have with him now? Or should I cut my losses now to save myself from certain heartbreak later on? Might seem like an easy enough question, but it is super hard. I know I will never meet someone as genuine as him. He is the nicest guy I've ever met. On top of that. Just the time we are spending together now makes me feel so happy, and appreciated. I'd swear on his worst day he's better then most guys on their best. And whatever this relationship thing is we got going is better then any actual boyfriend relationship I've ever had. Just looking for advice. Thanks in advance. Link to comment
love4life Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If you can mentally prepare yourself for the loss, you'll be able to handle it better when it comes. Just don't let your mind wander to visions and fantasies of forever, marriage and babies. Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Has he straight up told you he doesn't want to start a relationship with you at ALL? Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 So after he graduates and leaves the state in July, that'll be it? What is pulling him away that he'll never see you again? A job, family, what? And what is keeping you from following him? Honestly, if he is this great I'd continue to date him and just see what happens when July rolls around. You two currently are still kinda in the "infatuation" stage of the relationship so making huge decisions right now may not be best. Only time will tell if you two are good in the long run so I'd say play it out until July and see where you stand. If things are peachy still then, you two can have an honest talk and see where you want the relationship to go. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 sounds like a lot of the guys i know. my closest friends. so what is the big deal here? he sounds great. of course you have a problem with that and have to question it right? lol. can never please a woman i swear. bad guy, they complain. good guy, they question it. lol, but enjoy what you have. come to that bridge when those dates arise. maybe you won't make it that far. who knows. just live in the moment. Link to comment
love4life Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 lol, but enjoy what you have. come to that bridge when those dates arise. maybe you won't make it that far. who knows. just live in the moment. Ha! Easier said than done for some of us females ;-) Link to comment
love4life Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 You know, I'm glad to read this thread. It really makes me think of my ex, and what ghost69 says is important, about living in the moment. My ex told me in the beginning he wasn't looking for a LTR, but I took that almost as a challenge, thinking "Until me!" Well, he was true to his word when he broke up with me 5 months later. I was devastated because I WASN'T living in the moment. I had visions of long-term commitment and security and I think it actually made me lose sight of him and take him for granted, as my focus became on the relationship instead of on the person I was with. A mistake, I realize now. It's important to make sure both people are on the same page as far as pacing is concerned. Take this data he's given you and remind yourself of it every time you start to think about the future. Just enjoy him for who he is and what will be, will be. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 i ended up with a girl for 2 years that i thought was just going to be a hook up. i told her i wasn't looking for a relationship. we ended up dating. so don't count your eggs yet. they might hatch and fly away if you look at them too much. ^^^i have no idea where this analogy came from. it was just typed by my fingers at random. Link to comment
love4life Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 i ended up with a girl for 2 years that i thought was just going to be a hook up. i told her i wasn't looking for a relationship. we ended up dating. so don't count your eggs yet. they might hatch and fly away if you look at them too much. ^^^i have no idea where this analogy came from. it was just typed by my fingers at random. And I bet because neither of you had expectations of the other, it was the best relationship you had and the best break-up! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 And I bet because neither of you had expectations of the other, it was the best relationship you had and the best break-up! we had expectations after a while of dating. but it was not a bad break-up at all. no fight, no name calling, nuthin. it was just 'not compatible' enough to stay together. of course more it was me not wanting to be with her. she didn't like it too much. but she has accepted it. i've seen her out too. we still can laugh and joke like old times. no problem. but there is no romantic anything there. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 sounds like a lot of the guys i know. my closest friends. so what is the big deal here? he sounds great. of course you have a problem with that and have to question it right? lol. can never please a woman i swear. bad guy, they complain. good guy, they question it. lol, but enjoy what you have. come to that bridge when those dates arise. maybe you won't make it that far. who knows. just live in the moment. Why are you talking so much like a man? Wait you are a man. LMAO. Couldn't resist. Guys love to say things like "a woman has to make a problem out of everything, can't please 'em" LOL Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Why are you talking so much like a man? Wait you are a man. LMAO. Couldn't resist. Guys love to say things like "a woman has to make a problem out of everything, can't please 'em" LOL women do question good things like that. like the addage 'when it's so good, something must be wrong.' pffft. Link to comment
CaramelChicka Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I'm the original poster. Thanks for all of your advice. I agree with most of what you all have said. It is true. When everything seems right, it feels wrong, lol. But we did talk about it and things are good. I told him I'm not a friends with benefits type of person, and he said that that wasn't what he wanted from me anyway. He just doesn't want to hop out of one relationship and into another. Which is understandable. Right now we spend almost everyday together. Last weekend in fact he took me to Dave and Buster's for the day. From what I can tell he cares about me alot. He is always doing thoughtful things for me, such as buying me a phone charge when I told him my phone kept dying. Something small, but still very appreciated. And to the person who said to just live in the moment, that's what I plan to do. I never really asked him what he planned to do after he graduated, so I am assuming we won't see each other after July, but who knows. Now I just have to let myself be happy. Kind of hard when I'm used to dating guys who weren't right for me. For now he is one of the best things to happen to me and I'm just going to live in the now. Thanks again for all of your comments : ) Link to comment
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