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Broke up, talked about rebuilding, yet wants space??


roxy79

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BF broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. We had very limited contact. We talked on New Years and he mentioned us "rebuilding" our relationship. But he also said we need a "break" and time to regroup. I'm confused.

 

We are on a break, but going to rebuild our relationship? I'm having a hard time understanding how you rebuild something, when you aren't even talking. He said he'd call me sometime this weekend, but deep down, I have a feeling he won't. So what is this talk of rebuilding if he is not really communicating with me?

 

Is he still honoring this "break" that he thinks we need and this time apart he feels will do us good? I'm needing advice on what to do. Do I just lay low and let him come to me? I just can't understand how he wants to rebuild, yet doesn't really call me or attempt to spend time. I know this discussion was only 3 days ago... but I want to know where this is heading.

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I think it sounds like he wants things to maybe work out but knows that things have to change. Space can give you a new start. Don't push. Give him space, let him contact you. Be patient. He told you he sees you rebuilding the relationship. You're on his mind.

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Sam is right, give him the break he asked. but don't wait around forever. Let him know that if he is serious about rebuilding then tell him its something you are going to have to talk about and work at. Problems are not fixed with time, that just helps you get back to a clear head. Helps you take a different look at things. Talking, finding the problem and figuring out a solution will fix it.

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Roxy,

 

I know exactly how you are feeling. My boy about four weeks ago wanted to take a break. The stress in our relationship had been high because I was finishing up my first semester of law school and he is training in a new job and we live about six hours a part. He says he still loves me and wanted a fresh start, but needed a break.

 

I wanted to call,text, email, etc. because i was so upset, but I realized that I have no control over what he is thinking or feeling. Yes, giving someone space is the best thing you can do right now. There are no guarantees, except that you can take each day and keep yourself busy. I am sure he is thinking of you, but you cannot focus on what he is thinking or feeling because you have no control over it.

 

This is a good metaphor. When someone asks for space, it means they are backed into a corner that they need to get themselves out of. If we poke at them or bug them to get back with us, it is like poking a snake trapped into a corner. Give him space and time to figure things out. Think about when you are really angry or upset, you often want space from everyone. He may just be the type of person who needs space when he has a lot on his mind and it is nothing personal.

 

Just be patient and do not worry about what he is thinking.

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It's just so hard to go from talking to someone, and even living with the person, everyday, to them breaking up with you, not hearing from them, then talks about rebuilding, yet we aren't communicating at all. I am no where near understanding it. And it just comes accross as being hurtful to me. If he was so interested in rebuilding and fixing "us", then why in the world isn't he talking to me?

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One of the main reasons is that before someone can rebuild with someone else, they need to deal with their own issues before fixing the ones they may have with someone else. I know it seems hurtful and difficult, but you must allow them the space they are asking for. It will benefit you in the long run.

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You all have made wonderful points. I will back off. He knows Im here and he knows how much I love him. If his talks of "rebuilding" was genuine and he really meant it, then he will contact me. Until then, I guess I gotta go about my life, without him for the time being. It's hard to "let go" of him for now, but if I continue to call or text him, I will just push him further away. He's obviously "thought" about fixing our relationship, whether he feels it now or not, so I need to stay strong with that small bit of info.

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