We never had a real chance

[purple_haze]

During most of my relationship with my ex, I was going through a psychosis (learned this a lot later) that turned me into someone completely different. Since then, I've been diagnosed as having Major Depression. The episode put me into hospital for 2 weeks back in November 2007. I am much better now.

 

I loved my last boyfriend a lot but I treated him badly in many ways due to the psychotic episode I was having. I have apologized several times to him since. He is with someone else now, my ex-roomate of 6 years/best friend. I s'pose she was there to be his shoulder to cry on when I was angry at him so she blames me for getting them together. I think she suffers from psychosis herself as she is not in touch with reality. The fact is, I trusted her. Now she is going around saying that both of them feel it's destiny that brought them together. AT any rate, we had been through so much drama in the 6 months that we were together (3 of which he lived with me and the roomate) that it was like knowing eachother for a lifetime. You could imagine how shocked I was to find out about their relationship. I heard all about it from her. She was so self-righteous and forthcoming about it too, like she had no regrets.

 

3 months ago, my ex told me that he wasn't breaking up with me, but was giving me some time to get myself better. I've gotten myself help since then, and am on the right track. I see a therapist weekly and am on the right meds. I also moved and am living in my own apartment which I have managed to settle into quite well considering all the crap that I was going through. That alone was enough to have a nervous breakdown. I haven't been in much contact with the ex and it has been 3 months now that we've been off. During the three months, I've left voice mail and emails apologizing and asking to grab a drink so we could talk. He recently told me that he was mad at me after I told him to take his uninsured/unplated vehicle off our property. Now he says he is over it. He has agreed that we never had a real chance at a relationship because of all the crap that was going on in both our lives. His moving in didn't help matters, it obviously worsened things, and his gruelling work schedule along with my depression.

 

As I said, I was trying to get together with him to give him his mail and belongings and to talk but because he was mad, he refused to respond to any of my attempts. On christmas, after 3 months, I finally got a reply. He wished me a merry one and apologized for not getting back to me sooner. This is where he tells me he was upset with me about the car situation. He agreed about my comment that our relationship never had a chance, and said that I was a really nice person and that i deserved better. I replied to the car comment by saying that I felt awful about it (My reaction at that time was impulsive because I thought he was breaking up with me). His reply to that was "See you soon". It's been over a week since Xmas and he hasn't made any attempt to 'see me soon', so I'm thinking that was just his way of ending the email conversation. I want to contact him again but am so stubborn and afraid of rejection. Do you think that he was dangling the proverbial carrot what with him finally responding to me after so long? I'm sure he's gotten several emails since, yet he remembered to go back to mine and respond.

[auburnslp]

Personally I would say to let it go. A rough time in your life was spent with him. You are moving past that time and settling in to a new start. Why not start fresh with someone new and be able to not deal with that kind of baggage/drama? I say ditch the ex and the ex best friend...there is much more life to be lived, and sounds to me like there will be far better life to be lived...

[relm]

I agree - I think you would be better served in the long run to focus on your therapy and healing. I'd suggest you contact him only after you aren't romantically interested in him.