NC for 90 days?

[thekid55]

I've read on various posts on here about going NC with an ex for 90 days..what are the benefits of 90? Why is 90 the magic number? I've gone no contact with my ex for about 14 days and I am starting to feel better. I guess that I'm 1/5 of the way there. We broke up about 2 months ago after a year and a half relationship. I can definitely say that we were in love during the relationship. The high school/college gap just didn't work for us. She already has a new boyfriend.

 

So I ask, why is 90 the magic number? What needs to be done after the 90 days pass? Thanks!

[love4life]

I've read on various posts on here about going NC with an ex for 90 days..what are the benefits of 90? Why is 90 the magic number? I've gone no contact with my ex for about 14 days and I am starting to feel better. I guess that I'm 1/5 of the way there. We broke up about 2 months ago after a year and a half relationship. I can definitely say that we were in love during the relationship. The high school/college gap just didn't work for us. She already has a new boyfriend.

 

So I ask, why is 90 the magic number? What needs to be done after the 90 days pass? Thanks!

 

There is no magic number. You've hit the magic number when you stop counting. ;-)

[-BK-]

There is no magic number. You've hit the magic number when you stop counting. ;-)

 

I agree. I'm at 2 months and am not even close to being done with NC. My honest opinion for this stage of my life is that I won't ever talk to her again. love4life is right on when she says that you are ready for contact when you don't think about contacting him/her anymore. At that point, you could contact your ex... but why?

[thekid55]

Eh. I do want to get back together with her, maybe in the future. I think me not being around all the time is holding us from being together. She has her life in high school. I've just started my college life. I have been home for almost 3 weeks for winter break and I have two more left, but then I go back to school. I finish up for the spring semester in May so I'll be home for 4 months then. I really don't know if we'll be reconciling then. I mean, it's definitely up to her now if she wants to reconcile.

[-BK-]

Eh. I do want to get back together with her, maybe in the future. I think me not being around all the time is holding us from being together. She has her life in high school. I've just started my college life. I have been home for almost 3 weeks for winter break and I have two more left, but then I go back to school. I finish up for the spring semester in May so I'll be home for 4 months then. I really don't know if we'll be reconciling then. I mean, it's definitely up to her now if she wants to reconcile.

 

Exactly! If she wants to reconcile, she will get a hold of you... bet on that. But, if you continue to talk to her and not give her space, you could easily push her away. Besides, you'll be way more attractive if you focus on your life and be the confident person you were when she met you. The only way you can do that is to give her space and focus on you. Make sense?

[glimmerofhope]

Exactly! If she wants to reconcile, she will get a hold of you... bet on that. But, if you continue to talk to her and not give her space, you could easily push her away. Besides, you'll be way more attractive if you focus on your life and be the confident person you were when she met you. The only way you can do that is to give her space and focus on you. Make sense?

 

Exactly right. Whatever happens, just don't count on anything. I think the best place you can be is where you no longer harbor any hope that the ex will reach out and express a desire to reconcile.

 

That's not to say if they ever did reach out that it would have to be unwelcome; rather, it just means you get to a place where you acknowledge the reality of a life without them, and thus no longer hinge your hopes for life on the chance that this other person will come around. (I suppose that's just a circular way of saying "move on", but it helps me to spell it out sometimes, and maybe it will do the same for someone else.)

[traeh]

Nah, 90 days isn't enough to feel even remotely good about the situation. Okay, maybe remotely. There's still a while to go from there though. I think people mean that if you can maintain 90 days NC, you are making some progress. You are gaining control over the situation the longer you maintain NC. The more time that passes, the stronger will become. To be honest though, 3 months is nothing, 6 months is nothing, 9 months is nothing. (however, they are MAJOR milestones when you are going through them for the first time, and you should pat yourself on the back for every week/month that you don't give in.) Once you get past a year NC.. you start to take pride in fighting back and making it on your own. If you are strong enough to resist that temptation.. you can beat anything. : )

 

P.S. NC is for YOUR personal growth and good and should NOT be used to win back some loser that didn't value you enough to keep you in the first place.

[thekid55]

Yeah I am at about 14 days without any contact. She has a new boyfriend who I know isn't remotely close to being as good as I was to her. He's a pothead and an "emo kid". She hasn't been very considerate of my feelings since the breakup, which was about 2 months ago. When we were together, she would do absolutely anything for me. We were always happy together. She just seemed to lose interest when I went off to college. I wasn't around all the time. She seems to be in this "party phase" mode. I don't know if it'll last....Thoughts? What do you think of this situation?