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Help - did I really screw this up?


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Wanted to get perspective from everyone. I had purchased concert tickets in November to go to an out of town concert in March with my gf (at that time) to take her to see her favorite band…..well we broke up on December 2.

We had talked 6-7 times in teh past month and I thought we were on friendly terms at least.


I decided yesterday to ask her if she would consider going to the concert with me. I told her if we stayed over we could either get two rooms or drive back after the concert. Told her I did not need an answer today as it was a while away but for her to think about it.


She emailed me back “Now is not a good time for me to make a decision on something that is three months away. So, I don’t know what to say. Thanks for understanding”


I replied……”I understand completely. I wasn’t looking for an answer today unless you knew for sure you did not want to go’.


She emailed….”I do want to go but I don’t think we should go together. If you want to sell the tickets to me let me know”.


I replied….”Why cant we go together?”


She replied…”Because of where I am right now at this point. I can’t make a decision. I am happy with where things are right now. But, I don’t want things to be hard for us”.


I emailed her back and told her I was not looking for a decision on us right now (I assume that is what she meant by a decision….as she says she is trying to figure things out). That I would give her time and it is ultimately my decision as to how long I want to wait for her. I told her I did not see why we could enjoy our company without boundaries.


I also told her that I was going to the concert, that if she changed her mind to let me know. If not, I understood. I then sent a note to her, apologizing for even bringing the concert up as I feel it stressed her out…..


She did not respond to my last email or text message. I think she probably hates me now and never wants to speak to me again.


Was I pushy?? Why didn’t she just say no without bring up where she is at this point and being so ambiguous. I feel bad for going to the concert now and thinking maybe I should just give her the tickets. I am so confused.


I feel if she still is trying to figure anything out I ruined everything. Or..maybe she is done and just cant say it.


Please give me your thoughts?

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Hey hopeful,


I don't think you were being pushy at all. I think the most important question is what your intentions are with this concert- her reaction tells me that she thinks you want this to be a date, and this confuses her. You got her these tickets when you were still together- it's not like you came up with the plan to go to that concert when you were already apart.


At this point, it's more important that you know for yourself what you feel about this. You are scared of having ruined everything- what do you mean by that? What is ruined if the relationship is over now anyway? Can you be friends with her with no expectation of more?


Take care,



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If you were friends with her before dating i'd suggest leaving the ticket alone and wait out for her.


If you went straight into dating without being friends first i'd take her ticket and give it to a friend who'd wanna go.


That is of course if you like that band.

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Making distant future plans with an ex is just never a good idea. Everything is pretty day to day. For example, if she gets a new boyfriend or else you get a new girlfriend then the concert is automatically a terrible idea because a signifcant other is not going to want to put up with their mate going out of town with an ex.


Make sense? That's why she brought up the maybe angle. Neither one of you knows where you'll be in your mind that far from now.

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I have to admit I was hoping that maybe we could go as friends, have a good time, and then maybe have a spark - we were going to go to dinner one night and she said no, we would just end up in bed, back together, and then she would need another break to figure things out....i have a previous post on here about this..........anyhow - right now I just wanted to go to the conert with her.....that is all....I do admit I am still very much in love with her and heartbroken over this though. I dont want her to hate me for going to the concert - but I had 2 other concerts planned over holidays that I lost $ on b/c of her....so I want to go to this one.


When I said ruined - I meant if there was any part of her that still wasn't sure of how she felt. I eally saw no harm in just going as friends - but she seemed to have issues with it - which makes me think she is still confused or wants nothing to do with me

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I don't blame you for feeling that way. It's very understandable and natural to feel this way after a break up, especially when it's so recent still. If I were you, I'd stop contacting her for a while- just for your own sake. NC is a strong tool in healing and who knows. She may be interested in going to the concert after all. The point is that you don't want to put all your hope on this occasion while you could be moving on. I think she is scared of rejecting you for a concert that was already planned, and that right now she can't make a decision. Ruined is a big word for it, I do think that a period of NC would benefit you both though.



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