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Help! SuperDave or Anyone Should I Do No Contact?


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SuperDave Should I Do NC? Help




I was devastated on 12/19 when the guy who I have been seeing for 6 months finally admitted that he was seeing other people. He had told me a few months previously that he wanted to see other people because he was afraid I might hurt him and said he could never let anyone hurt him again after a difficult divorce. I was devastated but I guess in denial. Everything seemed the same and we were taking it slow. Right after Thanksgiving I noticed the pattern had changed and I kept trying to address it. He would say stop it or that I was being silly or making a big deal out of nothing etc etc etc. Finally I told him it made me uncomfortable that he is texting other women and thats when he abruptly told me he is seeing other people. I hung up the phone on him devastated and didn't speak to him for 11 days. On 12/30 he made contact. He wanted to see me. I responded by saying that I had gone out of town to visit my sister. He started calling me and texting me and I finally answered after a few days. I told him I am not happy with the situation that he is seeing other people and this is not what I want. He still wants to see me on a regular basis but he will be dating other people. I asked him if he would be ok not seeing me for a while while I focus on my career due to recent job loss and maybe after that we could see each other. Now he is not happy about this at all and thinks I will be taking a big risk if I decide to do that. He said he is not going to sit around at home until I become employed again. I feel like if I decide to not see him while I get my life together his ego will not allow him to see me again. Because it would be on my terms. Its like he can't do things unless they are his terms. He admits that he is an egomaniac. Please Help I am worried because we were only together 6 months, we have not spent a lot of time together and he is not in love with me or anything like that so I feel that he will easily forget me. I am trying not to screw it up if there is a chance to have a relationship with him in the future. He told me he has never ever contacted someone again after they hung up on him. He thinks he is a big shot and that nobody would ever hang up so he feels this is a really big deal for him that he would still like to see me.

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If you do things on his terms only, would you be happy? I don't think you would be. If you're okay with being in an open relationship then you'll have to do everything his way.


He's not going to change for you, so you should let him go. Don't worry about him forgetting about you, what's important is you forgetting about him!!

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This is not the type of relationship that I want. I don't want an open relationship. I guess I was just hoping that his feelings for me would develop into something more. Sometimes I feel like he really cares for me and that he is just not ready to go down the road of a serious relationship yet. I feel like I am taking crumbs and that if I set it up this way I will kill any chance of having the whole cake. Is this a self esteem issue for me?

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This is not the type of relationship that I want. I don't want an open relationship. I guess I was just hoping that his feelings for me would develop into something more. Sometimes I feel like he really cares for me and that he is just not ready to go down the road of a serious relationship yet. I feel like I am taking crumbs and that if I set it up this way I will kill any chance of having the whole cake. Is this a self esteem issue for me?


My dear, it's not about this guys feelings for YOU, his behavior is about HIM.. no woman will cure him of himself.. Remember, he's a self proclaimned "egomaniac".


You've mentioned the "crumbs" vs. "whole cake" that I mention many times on this site.. and some men are not willing to give ANY woman more than crumbs... and this guy is busy with other women, why oh why would you considering being in that "line of company"..YUK.


You've been seeing him for six months and he suddenly says, "I AM seeing other people".. he has no class, he's a coward.. he's not relationship material so to speak...


How do you think these other girls may feel? How many of them feel as you do? How much longer to you want to allow yourself to partake in HIS ego fest?


Ugh.. I'm sure there are times when you feel very special in his arms..but that is because of all you are PROJECTING onto him.. all YOUR hopes and dreams you are ATTACHING to him.. these are NOT HIS hopes, dreams, and qualities these are YOURS.. you get to take them with you on your own journey AWAY from him.. because he clearly does not choose to cherish a woman in a respectful loving committed way.


So HE is NOT YOUR type.. it's not the other way around.. right?


Remember authentic love does not mean you "walk on eggshells" hoping the guy will fall for you because you have no sense of self. that doesn't work and you would end up far more lonely being involved with him then you will be without him.


Authentic love is about SHARING one's own identity, goals, dreams, and inner happiness with the other person, it's NOT about ATTAINING an identity, goals, dreams or happiness FROM the other person.


So take this valuable information regarding his having "other woman" and use this to conjure up all your self respect and walk quickly away from ANY man who is not choosing to cherish you the way you deserve.. whether it be six months in, or a year in, or a week in.. you should be respected...and it's clear that he is one of those guys who doesn't know how to or want to respect and cherish a woman.. from all you've said, he seems like an immature bully.. is that who you want to be your possible future husband and potential father to your children?????


Be sure to separate who you "hoped and thought he could be in your life" versus who he has "revealed himself to truly be" seems to me there is a big difference, so shed some tears over the loss of who you "hoped he could be" but RUN FAR AWAY from who he "actually is".

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Thank you for your comforting post. It makes me feel not so alone in this to talk about it. I know its true that I have to let it go. He gets to me when he tells me things like how upset he was and his stomach was in knots when we weren't speaking. I guess that is when I start projecting. His sensitive and emotional side is what I am drawn to but his other side makes me feel insecure and jealous. He is definitely not that into me and I guess I feel rejected and I am trying to win his approval. I will probably never get his approval. It makes me sick to think of him with other women because I became attached. When I asked how he would feel about not seeing me while I work on my career he said I don't see how seeing each other less would help our relationship. For a while I was ok with taking it slow because we were just getting to know each other. I don't like to be "fast friends" because sometimes it ends just as quickly.

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Seeking the "approval" of someone who is a setting "conditions" on who YOU are is a waste of your precious energy. Remember to work on feeling this approval inside yourself. You are young, you are working on your career, you are self respecting enough to not want to be involved with ANY guy who is dating other women when you are wanting an exclusive relationship, you are loving, forgiving, and empowered by your own choice to heal and take care of YOUR heart, and above all to approve of YOURSELF.. these are all the amazing qualities you have and will ATTRACT a man who cherishes these same qualities not only in HIMSELF but in you.


An authentic, mature, fulfilling love will be drawn into your life IF YOU keep these above qualities, standards and values and APPROVE and APPRECIATE this in YOURSELF.. there is no need or mature reason to try to convince this ex of yours to "see' "approve' OR "cherish' these qualities in you because he'd first have to have them in himself..and it seems to me he does not...


Remember it takes one to know one.. meaning he is a guy who uses emotional manipulation and guilt to try and control you and keep you "around" while yet he is NOT willing to committ or cherish a woman the way she deserves, so you have discovered that HE is NOT thee right guy for YOU. See? He just doesn't "get it" because he does not have it in himself... period.


Take care of yourself, work on your self esteem, keep up your loving instincts, be proud of who you are, pursue your career and look to meet a man who would not only value all this in you but also encourage without guilt or judgement all you want to do in your life.... that is love.


You're growing past all this, YOU are moving forward.. and this guy will be going in circles and running into himself over and over again....get off this merry-go-round of his and step on the steps going upward to YOUR wonderful, self empowered, loving, fantastic future. You'll find authentic healthy love as long as you learn to love yourself first..celebrate YOU.

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Six months is a long time to waste on someone who blatantly lied to you. How much more time and energy do you want to put into him?


On top of that, he's stated that he will not change: he will not commit to you.


Most guyfriends of mine who are married knew within 1-3 months that their girlfriends of the time are "long-term material." If he hasn't fallen for you in six months, he won't ever. I'm sorry.


Do not spend any more time on this man who lied and led you on. You may miss out on Mr. Right, the man who would do anything to make you happy, because you're hanging around him.

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pure of heart,


I hear what you are saying and I know I have to accept the fact that he is just not that into me. During the first 1-3 months he wanted to be exclusive but I wasn't sure because when I met him I was talking to another guy as well. Then when I got attached after 3-4 months he backed off. I can't let myself spend more time with him because I can't physically do it. I feel downgraded and horrible about it. It seems like a lot of the people that are here on this getting back together post are hoping for someone to fall for them even if it didn't happen within the first 6 months.

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You are right he is just trying to keep me around. He is stringing me along. I don't get this. Is this just until he meets someone else that he wants to be with? Is this emotional manipulation? I have to stop trying to seek his approval. I have found myself having to repress my feelings, keep my mouth shut and dumb it down to avoid conflict. Well I have to stop all of it because I can't do the whole dating other people thing. I told him he should just date other people and not date me but he insists that he doesn't think thats what I really want. I mistake that for him not really wanting to let me go but I need to stop it.

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