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Not sure quite what to do


The Thinker
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I met this girl along time ago, at first it really looked like we were going to go out, but when i started asking if it was going to go any further than friendship she replied 'not at the moment, im not ready for a relationship' or 'i don't feel more than friendship at the moment maybe things will change', i'd already grown quite close to her loved everything about her, but i started pushing for more than friendship and i think this may have scared her off but she has continually told me how much she values our friendship and how im always there for her, but gets upset when i go on about more than friendship. I tried walking away but found this too much and decided that i would try friendship but as soon as we started spending time together again my feelings came back and despite her saying that she couldn't now see anything happening we look at each other occasionaly in a more than friendship way if that makes sense, and it tears me apart to know that after we each go home that im not ever going to be with her. I was wondering what anyone else thought i should do?honest opinions please.

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well, it's good that you see that she may have been spooked by your persistence. at least you know when to back off and let her have her space. what kind of signs has she been giving to you concerning that maybe SHE may want something more than a friendship? in all honesty, as much as you may not want to know.... you do need to find out exactly what you are to her. what i have learned from experience, the longer your affection goes on with someone and you are not quite sure what feelings are involved, if something were to go wrong, the outcome may be heartbreaking. it's not fair to you or her if one party is giving more and putting forth more effort, you know what i mean? so ask her to be totally honest with you. if she tells you that nothing more than a friendship will come from what you two share, then you can either accept it or walk away, but don't stress out over it... just be honest with her and have her do the same. good luck!

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It does sound like you're being a bit too pushy, and because she has already told you how she feels, all you are going to do is push her further away. Don't accept that the two of you can never be together. If you really care about her, just give things time. I speak from experience here. I fell in love with my best friend, and I felt the same way you did. I told him how I felt, and I got the same response you did. When we each went to our separate homes, I felt so empty, and cried for hours. It took me a few days to accept that it wasn't going to be, but his friendship was far too valuable to me to lose. I put it to the back of mind, and every time I saw him (and I fancied him like mad!) I would push the thoughts away. I concentrated all my energy in maintaining a good friendship. After 3 months, it wasn't a problem anymore. I even went on to help him out with his girlfriend troubles! A year later, we got together! We are still together now, and we have the best relationship because we took the time to become best friends. Really, the best things are worth waiting for. Don't give up. Just be a true friend to her, and let nature take it's course. What is meant to be, will be.

Love Kitty x

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