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is my Gf a compulsive liar?...why else would she do this>


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Last night my girlfriend went to a New years party with her family at her cousins house.....today she writes me an email and how she was drunk and on drugs and how she hooked up with someone...after we talk about it for a while she will start laughing and be like "that was good,right"...like a joke...and tell me it wasn't true and she would never do that and never has...she made up stories like this before to me to get me mad. She even told me she thought i was gay one time and she couldnbt be with me...but in the end she always tells me it was a joke...she says i say things that make her mad sometimes that make her go through these little episodes with me (which i do). does she sound like a compulsive liar??..or just silly?..when i asked her why she always does this she said this "I'm a compulsive liar, who does drugs and drinks and really likes you and would never cheat on you and never has and never will"...she also says she does it because she thinks i do not trust her. we also said we were not going to talk to each other until this friday just just because we have been spending alot of time together and talking etc....and when she called me about this being just another "episode"..it told her i did not believe it this time...and she said "i am not going to hang up until you believe me..this is so unrealistic anyway..how can you believe it?." and i was like "we were not even suppose to be talking until friday" and she goes "nooo, i really can't not talk to"...does she jsust want attention...can someone help me?

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I don't say things with the intent to get her mad...but she gets mad from strange things...the last thing that made her mad...was when i brought up my EX-girlfriend a few days ago and she wouldn't stop talking about her until she did the episode above yesterday...when I brought up my ex she kept saying things like "OMG! you guys are so cute together i am going to get you back with her..she is definitely the one for you!"

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Like the drugs she is likely addicted to, her lying is an addiction as well, a crutch or a coping mechanism.


When she tells you certain things like she cheated on you or that she thinks you're gay, she is obviously trying to get a response from you. It's probable that she had to do this as a child; she's used to exaggerating, lying, and acting out to get noticed.


This always carries over to interacting with others who can become close. Her way of holding on to you is by attempting to push you away, which reinforces that self-validation she wants; she needs to be reassured that she's not holding on to you by a thread and that you want to be with her.


She lies for temporary absolute control over the relationship, and it becomes a vicious cycle where she believes that testing the strength of a relationship regularly is the only way she can maintain that strength; it's the only way she can be assured that the bond is there. But one day, the bond won't be because it's been stressed and tested so much. She'll lose someone based on her compulsive lying, but she will think it's because he didn't love her enough. Thus, she'll work harder next time to confirm that bond.


You have to decide if she's worth the excess baggage, because there is no instant fix for this. She will not completely stop pushing you away with these little episodes just because you tell her you care about her and that her lying bothers her; she will simply try to reassure herself that you really do care about her. She'll push the boundaries to see just how much those episodes bother you.


If you're in this for the long haul, and if you love her, you are going to have put complete trust in her and reassure her you love her every day, no exceptions. Judging from your post, I doubt you're interested in anything long-term or even using that L-word because it looks as though you've only been together for a short time.


When you react to her episodes, you are giving her motivation for her next one. Instead, you have to reinforce your trust when she's not acting out. When it's just you and her, sans lies, that's when you be romantic, caring and trusting. If it's the truth, tell her you care about her more than anyone else. Bring up the issue of trust and reiterate how much you trust her. The less abrasive you are, the less reason she will have for seeking attention through lies.


There are countless ways you can show her that you care for the real her, which will suppress the part of her that acts out. And when she does go through another episode, the worst thing you can do is play into it. If she tells you she cheated on you, just respond calmly with "Can you come over and talk about it with me?" instead of buying into it or reacting angrily. And tell her you will await her arrival. Calmly, rationally tell her that you'd rather wait until you see her in person that day before communicating any further.


If you react to it without emotion, she will no longer see the value in lying to you. She's not getting a rile out of you, she's not making you sad or even angry at her for lying; she won't really get any kind of enjoyment out of laughing at you and telling you she was joking. Because you never believed or disbelieved her. You simply wanted her to talk about it with you in person. Don't tell her anything negative or react angrily, but also do not tell her you love her or anything positive during this ordeal. Her lying needs to be given a neutral response, or else she still has reason to continue.


Trust me; the novelty and reward of her lying will fade if you reinforce your affection and admiration for her, and you don't react to her lying. Good luck.

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well I showed her an argument me and my ex had because i thought she would find it funny(which she did) because i know her humor...but then i guess it also ticked her off a little.


Was this an argument you had with the ex prior to your relationship with this girl? If so, let me drop a little knowledge on you.

Don't bring up past girls/relationships - leave them where they died. Girls don't want to hear about other women their men's lives.



Was this an argument you had with the ex while with the new girl.

If that is the case, again... let me help you understand just how bad that seems to a girl you are dating. If this ex of yours means enough to you that you are willing to argue with her, it means that there are still feelings for her. Even if they are negative, the fact that you are not indifferent and take time out of your day to argue with her is a bad sign. If I was dating a man that was doing that I would assume that he needed more time to be alone to get over his ex as he was not fully over her yet.


Either case, it seems to me that your girl is trying to "pay you back" for the way she feels in re: to these situations. She seems immature as do you. no offense.

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Talking about past relationships is a no-no, I agree. It's something you discuss with your long-term partner, when the ex doesn't even matter anymore. Your girlfriend, given that she strongly seeks validation, is the last person you want to be sharing your past relationships with.


Do yourself a favor and get rid of anything pertaining to your ex -- photos, e-mails, IM conversations, written letters, etc. Don't make a spectacle out of it; just throw it all away. It'll help you focus on the present situation. You can't fully invest yourself in making things work with your girlfriend if you're still holding on to an old relationship. And that's exactly what you are doing.

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