You never forget...

[LBP]

I've been thinking. A lot of people talk about forgetting your old love and getting onto something new, something better. I really think that if you had that passion for someone, as in, you loved them more than you could possibly get into words... Well, it doesn't ever go away. You can deal with it, you can move on, but you never really forget.

 

I was listening to this song. I really think it could speak to a lot of people around here. It hurts to leave behind someone that meant so much to you... and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a part of life.

 

I suppose what I'm saying is... Don't ever let someone tell you that you should just forget it. Move on... but never forget. The song is Martha, by the legendary Tom Waits... Here it is. I hope these words inspire a few of you to check him out.

 

Martha

 

Operator, number, please:

it's been so many years

Will she remember my old voice

while I fight the tears?

Hello, hello there, is this Martha?

this is old Tom Frost,

And I am calling long distance,

don't worry 'bout the cost.

'Cause it's been forty years or more,

now Martha please recall,

Meet me out for coffee,

where we'll talk about it all.

 

And those were the days of roses,

poetry and prose and Martha

all I had was you and all you had was me.

There was no tomorrows,

we'd packed away our sorrows

And we saved them for a rainy day.

 

And I feel so much older now,

and you're much older too,

How's your husband?

and how's the kids?

you know that I got married too?

Lucky that you found someone

to make you feel secure,

'Cause we were all so young and foolish,

now we are mature.

 

And those were the days of roses,

poetry and prose and Martha

all I had was you and all you had was me.

There was no tomorrows,

we'd packed away our sorrows

And we saved them for a rainy day.

 

And I was always so impulsive,

I guess that I still am,

And all that really mattered then

was that I was a man.

I guess that our being together

was never meant to be.

And Martha, Martha,

I love you can't you see?

 

And those were the days of roses,

poetry and prose and Martha

all I had was you and all you had was me.

There was no tomorrows,

we'd packed away our sorrows

And we saved them for a rainy day.

 

And I remember quiet evenings

trembling close to you...

[LBP]

I hear what you're saying. I just feel that, in that case, you're doing yourself a disservice. You're choosing not to carry a part of yourself with you. Unless it was an abusive relationship in which case the sooner you forget the better!

[Cindersam]

I understand where you are coming from. I agree that if the relationship was good there is no reason to forget it. Move on yes but not forget. My last relationship lasted 6 years. I do not regret one moment of it. Even though it did not turn out the way I had planned I still have good memories of the time we did share together and hope that I always will. 6 years is a significant part of my life and I choose to remember it and remember it fondly.

[Lovin_Life]

I too agree with you in that we never really forget. I was with my first ex ( a 1.5 year relationship) over 7 years ago, and driving home tonight from the gym he randomly came into my thoughts. I am completely healed from that relationship, but he still holds a special place in my heart.

 

My ex fiance and I broke up about 9 months ago after a 6 year relationship. I am still trying to move on, but forgetting him simply is not possible. I spent a large portion of my life with him and ignoring those years is like pretending that I was dead for the last 6 years.

 

I get that forgetting about that person in the first part of the healing process is a good thing, but after that I believe that the person will always have that place in your heart. I know for me I will always love him, but it is important to move on.

 

Thanks for the song.

[Nixee]

I don't know that everyone feels that way, but I definitely hear what you are saying.

 

I don't know that my ex feels the same. I often feel like he'd rather just bury me and be done, while I know I'll carry him with me forever. I guess it depends on the person, the time in your life, and the relationship.

 

I wish my ex could feel the same. I wish he could acknowledge I exist anymore. But I feel like everytime I say that, people feel like I'm just hung up on him, and I try and try to explain that no, that isn't how it is... I don't long for him, I'm not waiting for him to take me back, I'm not unable to move on.... I simply wish he and I could be at a peaceful place. Old friends someday, rather than bitter former lovers.

 

I get the feeling behind that song... I could be the type to reminisce like that with those I've loved. .... But what happens when your ex views things different? What happens when he calls Martha and she still just hangs up? Does he still hold on and cherish the wonderful things he has felt, or does he try to cleanse it all from his system?

[Rainz]

The words to that song are so touching. Thanks for posting.

 

I agree that you don't ever really "forget". I can go back to my first proper relationship where I first experienced deep heartache, I can still remember clearly what happened etc, the way it all unfolded etc, and that was over 10 years ago.

 

It's not nearly 2 years since my most recent traumatic breakup - it sure doesn't seem that long ago but again, I can still clearly remember all what happened, how things unfolded etc etc.

 

Dates that never really went anywhere, or relationships that just never really took off in between these, I can recall them but not with the clarity, and in not such a vivid manner.

 

I think when you truly felt a deep, strong love and connection to them I don't think you can ever really "forget".