Are we all just in it for ourselves?

[hopefulromantic79]

So I went to a big fabulous party at a famous hotel in the city last night to ring in the New Year. I just wanted 2007 to be over honestly -- it was filled with horrible things -- break up, deaths in family, got rejected from a Grad School I applied to, roomate had a stalker and I was forced out of my townhouse, etc. It's been one that I'd love to forget but I know I'll always remember.

 

I figured since it was such a bad year, I should go all out for New Years and go somewhere crowded and lively and spend it with some good friends/family. So the girl I consider one of my best friends came along with me as well as my two older brothers and a guy friend that I've recently become close to.

 

The entire night I witnessed so many heinous things...this was an older crowd so I wasn't expecting to see so much immaturity...fights breaking out, women falling over drunk in the bathroom, men trying to pick up anything in heels, etc. To make matters worse, I knew my friend had a crush on one of my brothers...but I also know that my brother always said she wasn't his type so I never really thought too much about it. Well, after midnight we were at a comedy show and this friend and my brother decided to go dancing (all of the sudden) alone. I thought that was fine...until I found out an hour later they were in his hotel room fooling around. This just made me sick...she had asked me earlier in the night if she could have a "midnight kiss" with my brother and I said I didn't care but anything more than that I would kill her. Well she obviously went way beyond that (they were in the room and wouldn't come out for 2 hours....so I ended up waiting in the lobby and getting home at 6am this morning).

 

She called and apologized today, but I feel very disrespected. I also found out that she talked about my sexual past with my brothers and this all just makes me sick. I realize that no matter how close you think someone is to you, they can cross you in a heartbeat, especially when alcohol is involved. I'm feeling more alone in this world than ever...but in a way, I feel like I have much more insight into human nature now than I ever have...which means I will be able to protect myself from people in the future. May not be the healthiest way to look at this, but I guess becoming a realist is not the worst thing in the world. Humans are selfish and respect & honor sometimes mean nothing, even when it comes to your closest friends.

 

Needed to vent...as always, thanks for listening.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am sorry to hear that. You know what, your friend may have betrayed your trust, but in the end karma came back on her. She had a crush on your brother and with alcohol lowering the inhibitions, her and your brother I would imagine had sex. It seems like your brother was never interested in her in a relationship sort of way so in the end, what did she get...simply used for sex. I wonder if the reality of what she did has hit her now that she is sober.

[JadedStar]

Yes, it is your friend who was really the one degraded here. Once the booze wore off I wonder how she feels about herself? I'll bet far worse than you do.

[love4life]

Hey hopeful, I know what you mean. And the display that some people make of themselves when alcohol is involved is disgusting. I admit, there was a time when I was like that, too. And, there's a reason why I don't do that anymore - it was degrading to myself, and I prefer now to carry myself with some dignity.

 

I'm sorry your New Years plans didn't turn out the way you'd hoped. I've been on your end, too, where you get the short end of the stick during a night out. It makes you feel used and disposable. But at least you can have a clear conscience in knowing that you weren't the one using another person.

 

As for your friend and brother, the best thing you can do for you is to express your disappointment - if you want - but after that, just let it go.

[hopefulromantic79]

Thanks, ladies, for your responses. Yes, I know she is feeling this a lot more than I am. Even though she apologized today, she told me she likes my brother and is interested in him. But you are all right, it's between them and they have to suffer consequences of these actions (one of them being it will be awkward when I see them/they see each other for a while). I will let it go.

 

And I'm no hypocrite...of course I have made mistakes while drinking, etc. This is one of the consequences of drinking. This case is different for me because it dealt with my best friend and brother ~ I just thought they would have more respect for me. It's not that it happened...it's that it was between two people who are close to me and they did it knowing that I was uncomfortable with it (and having a rough NYE to begin with). I understand I am not the center of their universes, but I'm sure they thought about what they were doing...and that I was in the hotel, too, waiting for them to stop.

 

I'll get over it ... but it does make me miss what I "thought" I had with the ex -- someone who was on my side 100% of the time. And maybe therein lies the problem -- my expectations of others are too high. But I do like to think that there will be that one friend/boyfriend/family member who will put my needs ahead of their own all of the time. To me that is part of loving a person. I guess that's unrealistic.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think it wouldn't be fair of you if your friend and your brother truly had feelings for each other and wanted to have a proper relationship. In such a case, you can't expect them to put the breaks on the relationship just because you don't approve...however, in this situation is was just a drunken lust/sex thing so you have a right to be disappointed and upset. It also put you in an awkward position.

 

Yes, people can be very disappointing...but I think you have to go beyond the times they disappoint you and look at the relationship overall...many other times I am sure your friend was there for you.

[toshiba]

I don't think that you should have forbid her to do more than kiss him. I mean, why is she not allowed to show her interest in your brother? I'm not seeing why she needed your permission.

 

I agree that she WAS wrong to discuss private matters about you and due to her drinking, she probably did so without realizing the impact of it.

 

Keep in mind though that whenever you tell someone something, there's a good chance that it will be repeated. Most people aren't very good at keeping secrets.

[JadedStar]

I don't think that you should have forbid her to do more than kiss him. I mean, why is she not allowed to show her interest in your brother? I'm not seeing why she needed your permission.

 

I agree that she WAS wrong to discuss private matters about you and due to her drinking, she probably did so without realizing the impact of it.

 

Keep in mind though that whenever you tell someone something, there's a good chance that it will be repeated. Most people aren't very good at keeping secrets.

 

That's a good point. IF she and your brother are adults, why did you forbid anything more than kissing? That's a bit controlling isn't it? YOu might have set yourself up for this disappointment. If your brother didn't find her attractive he can be a big enough boy to say no. But he didn't.

 

Again they are adults. It really shouldn't hurt you this personally that they had sex. What happens to friends and family behind a closed bedroom door as long is it is consensual is no one's business but their own.

 

I think this is also a good a time as any to realize we are only responsible for OURSELVES. no one else. We can only be disappointed by others when we begin feeling we have some responsibility for their lives. We don't. People make mistakes but that doesn't make them bad people.

 

The only thing about the evening that would have really ticked me off was having to wait until 6am over their indiscretion. That would impact me personally thereforeeee i'd have a right to be upset about it.

[itsallgrand]

I'm sorry you had a rough night. Waiting in the lobby til 6:00 can really get a mind getting in overdrive, too.

 

Maybe if you were able to get away from the situation (you were waiting for a ride? ) it would have been a bit easier.

 

Or maybe that is just me. To be left dangling leaves me with a lot of time to get more angry and upset.

 

Hope these next days prove more positive. The world is a bit crazy on New year's Eve. Try to keep that in mind. It's almost like an alternate universe at times!

 

I myself came home blue today, and I had been working serving drinks last night. The things I saw. It can be disheartening.

 

tc

[bulletproof]

I'm confused, too, as to why your friend was not allowed to pursue your brother. What makes you uncomfortable about it?

 

I don't believe we are all selfish and out for ourselves. Take a look around- there are lots of good things that people do whether it's volunteering to help others, donating money, or just listening when a friend or family member has a problem. Bad things will always exist in the world; people make mistakes all the time. That doesn't mean that people are rotten to the core, though.

 

Respect is a tough word to use because everyone's definition of it is different. In this case, your definition of respect is your friend denying her feelings for your brother because it makes you unhappy. But are you respecting her feelings? Just something to think about.

[shell80]

Hopeful....well NYE was a week ago now, so I hope you are feeling better now.

 

However - I had to reply to this one, because I understand exactly why you would be so disappointed and hurt. It was really inconsiderate and disrespectful behaviour on both your bro and girlfriend's part. Perhaps I too, have too high a standards - but when you all go out together, you stay together, look out for each other and go home together safely. I would never ditch a friend - especially on NYE, night which can be highly emotional for someone getting over a breakup.

 

As I have grown 'older' I think that has been one my biggest disappointment - realising that at times we are all guilty of looking out for no.1 in terms of emotional and physical fulfillment. Even recently I have been let down by close family and forgotten while they have been in pursuit of their own personal happiness (men...). I know that they still love me, but it is still disheartening knowing that as human beings we do put so much emphasis on our own love lives - before others.

 

This is a ramble, but I had to put in my two bob here!

[BlondGuy]

I know how you feel. I trusted my ex 200%. She could tell me the sky was red and I would believe her. She was the only woman who I thought really loved me. She left me and met someone 2 months after she dumped me(after 10 years together). So now I know you cannot trust anyone and I will never trust another person this much for the rest of my life.