When to tell friends about the breakup?

[promenadewithme]

I broke up with my ex-fiance (engaged for 2 yrs) a little over a month ago, and I feel that my healing process has been going well so far (NC since we broke up, and stopped looking at his myspace a long time ago☺ . Anyway, I’ve told most of my closest friends, and of course family, about our breakup. But I have a friend from my hometown who is visiting in my current city, and she doesn’t know. She’s a good friend and I know she’ll bring the topic up, but I don’t know if I want to tell her. The thing is, once she finds out and goes back home, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE back home is going to know! You see, I’m from a very small town and everyone there is a gossip and can be very judgemental. And I know that this is one girl who would tell everyone. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for the entire ‘world’ to know that I’m single now. I guess in a way, I’m just afraid that people will try to tell me what to do, that they’ll judge me in a negative light, and since I plan on going back home for the summer to work, all of my old memories of meeting my ex there will come back and maybe I won’t be able to hold myself together.

 

Or, maybe everyone will find out, and no one will say anything….? I don’t know. I guess I keep trying to imagine what will happen, but at the same time I’m afraid to think about it. Is this just a sign that I still have a lot of healing to go? Should I just tell everyone and get it over with?? My friend is meeting my sister who lives 30min away from me, so I could just avoid her altogether. But, she's my friend, and I also have a christmas gift to give her still.....

[blender]

You are powerless over what other people say or do in any circumstance, or on how they might respond or discuss YOUR personal life.. even if everything you had to say about your life was positive, people still say what they're going to say.. and those who are of strong character and decent people who have had thier own challenges in life are understanding and not "gossipy" when it comes to focusing on someone else's life besides their own.

 

So just keep it simple when you tell her.. say, "It's sad it didn't work out but I wish him the best and I'm moving on with my life"..

 

Just be proud of how YOU choose to handle the situation, do not allow yourself to give her any details or personal feelings regarding the whole situation, just say one or two lines as suggested above and then ask her about HER life, change the subject, focus on asking her about her life and it will take any and all pressure off of you to feel some sort of momentary need to tell her too much...'

 

People in a "small town" or in a "small work place" it's always one of those things where sometimes they "talk" but who cares, they are gonna "talk" no matter what is going on in your life, and soon they 'talk" about someone else, because that's just human nature, you are powerless over it, and all that matters is that YOU feel good about YOURSELF...no matter what they "think" or "say" about you.

 

It's no one's business anyway, again all you need to say is: ""It's sad it didn't work out but I wish him the best and I'm moving on with my life"..

 

If she presses you for details or ask too many questions, then you respond with a classy, "Ya know as much as people ask me about it, I just think it's more respectful not to go into the personal side of it because that is between me and him..and it's not a big dramatic thing, it's just a part of life, some relationships work out and others don't, sometimes it's just the timing of it all and yes it's a tough thing to go through, but it's personal, I'm sure you can understand that.. so tell me what's new in YOUR life?"

 

Just keep it simple, classy and short, and then ask HER about HER life..

 

By having this "emotional plan" and a (version of how you'll say it) you will be more prepared to just get it over with and move on to a new topic and enjoy your friend... hang in there, this transition is a very tough one, but remember to be proud of yourself and handle it with respect and grace and keep your private life your own...no matter what others may say or think..just be proud of yourself.

[LBP]

Ya gotta take the pits with the peaches... People are going to find out about this eventually. You can keep the details to yourself but why hide from it?