My Story

[skibob]

My girlfriend split up with me two weeks ago. It is the 2nd time this has happened. We went out for 3 and a half years then she left as she felt we had grown apart. 6 months later we got back together again and have been together for a year and a half.

 

She told me the reason we split was because she feels unsettled and doesn't think she'll ever be in a relationship with someone. She says I never did anything wrong but she does not think she'll ever be settled in a relationship.

 

I am 40 and she is 25, but she says the age difference is not an issue.

 

She moved in with a friend two days ago, and says she desperatly needs me as a friend.

 

When we split the last time she used me as an emotional crutch in a way to deal with her break-up, and she also has major issues from childhood. Initially though she had been trying to distance herself from me, but could not do it.

 

Since she has been gone she invited me round for a coffee( she lives 50 yards away) and we talked away as normal(not about the relationship as we both felt we had talked enough to try and save it, me especially).

 

She says it is fine to catch up with each other daily and wants us both to go to gigs in the future.

 

I am prepared to try this, but I don't want hurt if she starts seeing someone(a bit away I think).

 

I think I miss the companionship as she is my best friend, and my mind is coming round to the fact that maybe we are too different.

 

I have read a lot of posts on here and people seem to say No Contact is the way to do it. I think this would be difficult as our split was not down to any event(infidelity etc.) that hurt the other, and she lives and works so close by.

 

Any advice?

 

Can we be friends?

 

Also, any idea where her head is at?

 

Thank You.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So basically you have been with her since she was about 19 and you were about 34. I think it is natural for her to go out and explore other options because she was still in her teens when you two started going out. If you want to continue seeing her, you will have to brace yourself for the fact that she will be dating others...more than likely men her own age...you might end up being relegated to older, wiser friend status. Can you handle that? You two are at completely different stages in life...she has yet to experience the growth and changes that occur in your twenties and into your thirties. You may end up being the person she comes to for advice and a shoulder to cry on..but only as a friend, not lover and partner. If you are fully prepared for that then yes, be her friend...but if not, no contact would be best until you can see her as a friend and nothing more.

[Clabs]

Hey skibob - and welcome to ENA. I am only sorry for these problems that have brought you here.

 

You have been given fantastic advice by Crazyaboutdogs here.

 

Some people do manage to remain friends but this is usually where the relationship ended on completely mutual grounds which doesn't happen that often. More usually - one side ends it and they have often been planning their exit route out of the relationship for some time, and are thereforeeee on a very different page to you. Some people grasp hold of an offer of friendship because it is better than nothing - it keeps them close to the person who let them go.

 

I'd say that a good benchmark as to whether or not you are ready for friendship is whether or not you could cope with her inviting you to meet her new boyfriend.

 

Take care mate.

 

Mark