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Just another generic 'I dont want to be here anymore' threads.


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You've all heard it a million times. Or perhaps, maybe, you've thought of it yourself a million times.


I just... dont want to be alive anymore.


Actually, thats a lie. But I have more reasons for wanting to 'not-live' than going on with it. Really, I'd rather find a reason and a way to be happy.


Thing is, the only time I've really.. been really content, really ready for hapiness, is when I'm with my boyfriend. But, there are problems with that. First, I'm putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. If something happens between us, I'll have nothing.


Secondly, he lives in the states, chicago infact, and I live in saskatchewan, canada. I want to move to be with him, because I think thats how I would find happiness. But as a canadian citizen, moving to the states means that I cant afford university. Means probably working crappy jobs all my life..


I cant ask him to move here, I'm just not worth that much. I shouldnt be worth that much.


I just want to not be here... I worry about the people I'll leave behind, but at the same time, my life is my most basic, most important possesion. Why cant I rid myself of it if I please?


Let me go..

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Talk to your boyfriend, see if you two can come to a comprimise. Also find some activities you enjoy, and make more friends. Life doesn't revolve around one thing. What kept you going before your boyfriend? Because you can't have been with him all your life.


Ok, in part, that came out wrong. I didnt mean to make myself sound obsessed, in a literal "cant live without him" way. There are other things that make me want to quit, too.


I suppose you could say, its not being without him that makes me want to die, its being with him that makes me want to live. I remember, very vividly, in grade 2, sitting in the bathroom when everyone else was out for lunch, and crying, because I wanted to kill myself. Not just, I wanted it to stop, I actually wanted to kill myself. Its something thats been with me as long as I can remember, like some pot thats stuck to the back burner.. sometimes I can ignore it, but eventually it boils over and something has to be done.

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Oh hun, I'm rooting for you. You're going to be ok, it sounds like you have a lovely bf and that's great. Try and lean on your family as well because they should always be there even if anything does happen with your bf. It is natural to start to feel like he's a huge prop in your life if you love him - I can't imagine being without mine.

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I won't pretend to know what it is like to have an "urge" to kill yourself. Sure, I have been down enough, but I have never had an insticntual urge to do it.


Remember that if you are gone, you cannot touch and help other lives, like you are doing now. Your life, will touch so many others....I know this...

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