she's leaving!!! help!

[idiotme]

I just found out about this site last week, and it is really helping me!

 

Me and my girlfriend broke up almost 2 months ago. We have been together for 5 years and 2 years as best friend in high school. The first 4 years we are 500 miles apart because of college reason, but we managed to see each other almost every month and also the summer together. After she finished her degree, she decided to go to London to help her dad with his new restaurant. She came back for my birthday after 3 months in London, coincidentally i found this text message on her phone after playing around with it for a while, said "I Miss you." I jokingly asked her about the message, she said it was from a waiter that like her while working there. She said she talked to him a lot too because she is lonely and he reminds her of me. She said he told her she is beautiful, and she said it felt good and different. She said, the guy told her if she give him a chance he'll take it right away. I was totally in shock and hurt!!!but she apologized about it !

 

Then she had to leave again (After promised that she never leave again.)

She left for another 3 months and came back to study for the GRE. This time she came home she acted like i was a stranger, I asked her what's going on, she said "Can we just be friends? I need a pause." That just kill me but i can't do anything except give her time. So I gave her time. However I found out one day that there is a phone call everyday at around 5-7 am in the morning from London(44 country code). My friend (which is her friend too) can't see me like half dead half alive, so he ask her to go see me at the park (I was unable to drive because was too hurt by this). I met, finally, she said it is not fair for me if she ask me to wait any longer, she have had feeling for this person, so it's best for us to be a apart now. I felt as if the world have had crashed on me.

 

She cries day and night now, and ask me " can we be best of the best of the best" friend. She called me almost everyday but I dont pick up the phone, she emailed me every other day to tell me about her days. We talked one time, and she asked " Is it possible that we can be back with each other someday?" I said I dont know. She said she still loves me but she has to try this "new feeling" out, and she feel guilty to be with me if her heart is not 110% for me! She said she has to leave again for 8 months to help her dad with the restaurant and the distant is really geting on to her. She will leave in decemeber.

 

After 5 years, I have been there every step of her life, sacrificing every Christmas being with her, so she can spend christmas with her family in London so she can be happy. Graduating 1 year early so I can work and have enough money to buy her a car when she came home from London. So i bought her a car, she was really excited when she saw it. She have told me, I have been the only family she have in the US. She hated London, but the only reason she is there is to help her dad. All of the hard time of no money for tuition I lend her the money. How can a person throw everything away for just a feeling? Our friends, her best friend, everything.

 

What should I do now? She wants to see me, she wants to know how i am doing, she cries every single time she see me. She still call and write email even though I never respond. She said she will always be there for me if I ever needed her, and after all i mean alot alot to her. Every email she said she really miss talking to me and ending with "Thinking about you" She said she has to do this and there is one thing she cannot tell me until she come back again because she have hurted me too much already. She said she has to back here for school and work after the restaurant is settled. Is she really confused? or she just want to try something new since she never had a person beside me? She said she is really scared of being "in the box."

 

What should I do? Still letting her talk to me, but it hurts so much to think she is with a new person. Should I avoid all contacts like many of the advice given here? After 2 months but I still cannot sleep right or eat right, I have been fighting with myself for 2 months, I am really tired and almost quit my job over this. All your opinions are really appriciated!

 

Thanks for reading this long whiny love problem!

[bdub]

If I were in your shoes, I'd just walk away for awhile. I'd tell her that you need some space away from her to think and that you will contact her when you are ready. Take the time that she is in London to grieve the loss of the relationship that you had and think seriously about what you want out of life. Think about your goals and your future, and try not to concern yourself with what was in the past. This will accomplish two things. 1) You wil gain some emotional distance from a relationship that is obviously causing you some grief. 2) It will give her time to figure out what she wants. Some people get scared when a relationship is getting serious. It is a difficult decision for some people to make to give up their individuality to being commited for the rest of their lives. Tell her that you understand that she wants to be friends, but that she needs to give you space and that you WILL contact her when you are ready.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[lunatic]

I totally agree with bdub. I think you should tell her that you need sometime to figure out what your next step is. I would also make sure that she knows that you are not waiting around till she comes back. I can't knock her for wanting someone else because we all need some variety in our lives and you don't want to sit there thinking what else could have been. I think you have to take some time for you and get reaquainted with yourself. Let her go but, let her know that you will contact her again when YOU are ready for contact. Stress that you may never be ready but, if you ever feel there you will call. Remember that you have to do what makes YOU happy!!!!

 

I know that everything will work out in the end for you.

 

If it is meant to be then it will work out.

 

Hubman

[ck_tati]

I may not know much about this kind of relationships, because I'm only 15 years old, but I would certanly liked to give you my oppinion specially because i'm a girl.

First of all let me tell you that she Really really misses you. It isn't something usual for a girl to cry for a guy unless she really misses you. Second of all, I know what she means. i used to like this guy then i stopped liking him because of anyther guy who i soon found out that was just playing with me. afterwards, i realized what i felt for the other guy, but unfortunatelly i lost him because i was suck a jerk. Trust me, that feel ing is the worst in the world. Why dont you give her one last chance.. go to london and visit her, let her tell you everything she's done and been...

amen

[idiotme]

Thanks everyone for replying! It means alot to me

 

I know that, I still love and forgive whatever she did or will do. I am kinda confuse because she always mention, email or leave a phone message, "You will always have a place in my heart, and I will never never forget what you have done for me, but I have to try this." Why did she asked me that is there anyway we'll be together again, after she lied and cheated on me.

 

I actually did consider to go to London next summer to visit her, but if i ever go, i'll be so hurt to see her with another person, plus i dont want to be a third wheel. Because I know how it feels like to be hurt by a third person.

 

She also told me that whatever I decide, like not talking to her forever, she'll have to respect that. I have gone as far as cancel my email account, but she begged me said if ever happens, she wants to maintain that email account because it meant alot to her.

 

Right now she is still home, have not leave yet, she have asked me to come to the airport for the last time. Because everytime she leaves for school or London I always took her and she cries and kiss me eveytime she go.

 

I asked her why do you do this, she said, she has to leave to help her dad and there she is too weak to fight her feelings, and plus she really wants to try this new "feelings" out. Hopefully, she'll be happy for what is going to do!

 

I will give her all the chances, but right now she give me no choice.