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Higher sex drive then O/H

Secret_Sunday_Lover

By Secret_Sunday_Lover
in Sex and Romance

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flower99 Experienced

flower99

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Posted

ohhh- Other half, got it - Thank you both (:

 

Sure you'll calm down eventually. (I think) lol

Well actually that depends on how much the sex drives vary. do you like it 3 times a day & your OH only 2 a week? if so that might be a hard adjustment. But I think with time you will adjust, I've also heard that if you're playing with yourself (sounds funny) to make up for the lack of, you should stop or cut down because if you play with yourself less than the drive will slow down.

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lenni Contributor

lenni

Posted
Posted

hi there,

 

i just wanted to pipe up because i have been in the shoes of the person with the lower drive. what i want to say is, him not wanting to be sexual as often as you do doesn't mean he doesn't want *you*. i thought my ex was totally sexy, was very attracted to him, he was a great lover, and i loved the things we did together in bed.

 

my lack of desire for daily sex wasn't anything to do with him but more to do with my physical make up. i just flat out didn't feel horny and desirous of sex as often as he did. if i tried to "keep up" with him, i'd become almost kind of over satiated and sex wasn't as good for me and it was hard to really feel turned on or orgasm. i kind of liken it to a guy who needs time to "recover" after an orgasm before he can get an erection again - physically he wasn't able. i became desensitized if i was having sex as often as he wanted and then the same thing that felt really good to me the first night we did it didn't actually feel like much.

 

all that said, sometimes i suppose my lack of desire had to do with feeling really stressed or tired or physically ill.

 

he was of the belief that i should fool around just to please him and meet his needs. he didn't understand why i wouldn't just spend 20 or 30 minutes being sexual with him so he could feel happy and relaxed and satisfied and we could go on about our day. i sometimes did this actually - was sexual when he wanted to be but i didn't - but i wasn't able to do it every time he wanted sex (daily). and if i didn't he'd say i didn't seem to want to "take care of him" and we'd end up arguing and not spending the day together like we'd planned. it was like he couldn't even be around me if we didn't have sex when he was horny and he resented me for not just meeting those needs. there was a lot more involved for me that just taking 20 minutes out of my day to do something nice and selfless for him, and i never could make that understood.

 

the reason i'm mentioning all that is because the way he reacted to my lower desire actually created in my less of a desire. sex became more of a duty for me than a mutual experience of connecting. i tried to compromise and be sexual when i didn't really want to sometimes, but i still felt like it was an issue if/when i didn't want to other times and that led to feeling like a lot of pressure and kind of squelched my natural desire. keep in mind that during

this time we were still having sex more days out of the week than not.

 

but i digress.

 

i'm guess i'm just saying that if you can try to respect his feelings and try not to make them about you, if he feels he can just plain not feel like it sometimes and that's ok, he'll probably be likely to want to be sexual more often than if you put a lot of pressure on, you know?

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