Puttin' on the breaks

[gcollier2002]

Hey, everyone! Happy New Year's Eve!!!

 

So I met someone on myspace a few weeks ago and we REALLY hit it off... We were messaging eachother EVERY day and it was by the page of text. It seemed like everything I was interested in, she was also and it was the same for me.

 

Well, about a week of conversing like this, we decided to meet and hang out. (FYI, we're both 23, she's graduated as a bachelor of science and getting a 2nd degree, I'm a graduated comp. sci. major doing the normal 9-5 grind) Our first date was actually at her uncle's basement with a bunch of his friends for their weekly dart league. It was a blast! (we both are avid dart players) After it was done we went to her apartment and talked for like 3 hours...

 

The night afterwards, we both concluded we were Very bored and decided to catch a movie (Sweeny Todd EXCELLENT movie btw) and again ended up talking forever at her apartment and then I even got a GOOD goodnight kiss.

 

With the holidays and everything, we didn't hang out or get much time to talk over the last week... maybe a txt message or two every few days, nothing major.

 

-So yesterday, we decided that we were going to hang out and since she was having some problems with her car's stereo, I volunteered to get it whipped back in shape. It took FOREVER... it seemed like every problem imaginable was wrong with this thing... LOL After it was done, we went back in and talked FOREVER... (notice a trend here?)

 

-And for my last bit of background, we both share in common that we've been hurt recently by a S.O. and are still just a bit sore from it.

 

With that being said, she had told me last night that she's not "looking" for a boyfriend and wants to take things slow.

 

I totally respect that!

 

What I'm curious about is how slow is slow? Coming from someone who's never had this said to them, I'm a bit in an ackward position because I don't know really what that means. LOL I'm more of an "adapt, improvise, overcome" type of person who doesn't really plan for things to happen (in a relationship)

 

What I do know is that I REALLY like this person and if she thought me standing on my head would make her smile, I'd be so inclined to do it just to see her do it... it's one of those sort of likes.... the kind that lets you know the world doesn't suck- All The Time...

 

I truly think that she realizes that we're probably a very good fit and wants to, at a minimum, maintain that... Otherwise she wouldn't have said what she did the way she did and furthermore would have not kissed me twice goodnight. So, as I said, I think she realizes the potential...

 

What are your thoughts?

[malteser]

yes yes definite potential!!!

it's natural she has doubts about starting a relationship having been hurt in a previous one, which you evidentally understand.

i think your attitude shows that you have the maturity to understand her anxieties. when ur young u think u'll just fall head over heels for someone and then you get hurt and you start to take things more cautiously.

she may be trying to protect herself but she may also be trying to protect you. if she's not ready for a relationship yet she doesn't want you getting carried away and then have her dump you and you get hurt all over again. just tread carefully and look after yourself.

 

do as you have been doing. and on a more practical level saying things like what ur going to do together next new year, when she meets you parents can be just as nerve-wracking as saying when you get married/have children and may make her flip-out.

 

but you might have to prepare yourself for the fact that she might just not ready for a relationship and thereforeeee may be easier to cut contact until she's in a better place emotionally.

 

good luck x

[gcollier2002]

Thanks for the pep-talk. She had mentioned (in her statement) last night that she was certainly down for being friends... but in my mind and my proclivities... the friend zone is about as friendly air as the korean DMZ... LOL. But she also alluded to the "wait and see" thing... So, I think you're right on that she's just trying to protect herself, primarily, and two, be a responsible young adult and finish her degree and start a stable job.

I don't want to come off as trying to rush into something with her, but I also want to make it clear that I 'do' like her. Sort of like saying "I'm patient... but I'm also persistent" Those are just my thoughts...

 

I was not shocked at all when she had said what she did last night... I was almost happy to hear it because she had sort of hinted at it before with vague phrasing, so it was comforting to know my girldar is still accurate... But even over the holiday when she had went back home to her folk's house, she made it a point to let me know she had been thinking about me... So I feel pretty positive about all this... But as I said before... any suggestions on how to "take things slow" would be greatly appreciated because I'm more of a straight forward kind of person... So I've got to control my mouth when I really want to say something that might cause her to be uncomfortable.