One Year Later, Hits me this Morning

[Diggitydave]

Yes, so it's been a year, since my ex and I parted ways completely, and NO, im definitely not over it. I still miss her greatly and shed a tear when i think about it too hard.

 

I still hate myself for all the raunchy things I said after the break up and I'd give anything to take them back, but I can't.

 

I won't go into the entire break up story because that could take pages. However, I am still......a year later.......heartbroken....and I miss someone who i'll never get back.

 

God i wish this would just go away.

[TAB1234]

sorry to hear that dave. Guess you got to treat it like a bereavement. Some things we just don't have no control over and need to accept. We cant change the past whats done is done. Need to accept what we cant change and change what we can't accept. Easier said than done i guess. in your instance time is the only thing that will heal. Hang in there

[CatsMeeoow]

I'm very sorry to hear how badly you still hurt.

 

Do you ever talk anymore? I mean it has been a year. Perhpas an apology would to ease your burden a bit?

 

I had a horrible break up years past and years later the guy sent a letter saying he regretting how he handled things. It was a nice thought that (10yr later) I was still someone he gave some thought to and I thought it must have taken a lot of courage to write that all these years later. It left a pleasant thought in my heart.

 

Maybe it's time you do the same?

[hating myself]

Dave,

I know exactly how you feel. I had a very vivid dream about my ex Saturday nite and I was upset all day Sunday. I had dreamed that I saw him and he wouldn't even speak to me. I couldn't figure out why I was dreaming about him because I wasn't even thinking about him before I went to sleep. I finally realized that I had gone to him on New Year's Eve and asked him if we could try again and he had said that he just wanted to be friends. I was in such pain on that nite and I had to go in to work after I saw him. He came and got all of his things from my apartment on New Year's Day. There was alot that happened from that time until the last of April, but the hurt that I felt on that nite was almost unbearable. I haven't spoken to him since the last of April and there is so much I would like to tell him. I still miss him alot, and I really thought that I would hear from him since that time. I just feel like he forgot all about me and I was just a piece of garbage that he threw away. Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack your thread-I just wanted you to know that I know where you are coming from and I wish I knew something to say to make you feel better. Take care!

HM

[delerium6]

I had a very vivid dream about my ex Saturday nite and I was upset all day Sunday.

 

This is kind of what happened to me this morning. Had a dream about her, then on top of that, this being the first NYE in several years today I'll spend without her.

 

:sad:

 

I feel I've been set back a bit today, but it's understandable. Just trying to keep moving on.

 

I've noticed the theme of this thread is the regret of not telling an ex some feeling/apology. NC is always the best route when getting ourselves healed and moving on, but... I do believe that bottling up something you really, really want to say isn't all that healthy either. This doesn't mean 10 calls and emails full of begging, weeping, etc. However, if there's something you need to get off your chest - something preventing you from getting a clear mind - keeping it inside may prolong the pain.

[Diggitydave]

I have already said my apology and gotten nothing in response, i have toldher how much i regeret everything i have done but it has not eased the pain one bit. I either did not get a response or a resposne to the likes of "i cannot talk to you".

 

I tried.

 

The most recent thing is she contacted my OTHER ex and asked her for my address to send some of my baptism pictures. my OTHER ex told her that this was not a good idea (which i agree) and then that was it.

 

After a year, I just give up, It seems as if god himself will not free me of this and I have no choice left.

[need2bme]

What exactly does "no choice left" mean?

 

You can choose anything...

 

I for so long, chose to wallow....for oh so long, brother. I miss my ex. She, even after everything, is a good, good woman. She just did not know how to handle things and neither did I, for that matter.

 

Brother, I will miss this ex for a LONG, LONG time. I plan on staying single for a while though...

 

Let me tell you something that I am struggling with every day. GUILT is a useless emotion to hang onto. After it shows you what you need to do to be HONORABLE, not to fix things, but to do the honorable thing and to begin to learn, THROW that emotion away...

 

I beat myself up daily with the woulda, shoulda, couldas and it has gotten me nowhere.

 

To quote 12-step programs; I simply CHOOSE to "surrender". I will love her always, but I will love someone else and I will be a better man and BF, for having known her.

 

I would not trade anything that happened between us, for anything.

 

So, know that you tried, and you will NEVER make those same "raunchy" mistakes; RIGHT? Stop holding onto all the pain that allows you to beat yourself up. Let her be and let yourself be...

[Cindersam]

Diggity - I am so sorry that you are still going through this much pain. I understand where you are coming from. It has been 14 months since my break up and I am not over him yet either. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

 

But it has gotten better and it will for you too. I know it may not seem like it will but it will. I am better than I was 6 months ago and definitely better than I was a year ago. If you think about it you will probably realize that you have come farther than you think.

 

You cannot change the past as much as you may want to. You have already apologized and that is all you can do. It is out of your hands.

 

Try to move forward with your life and accept that she is your past. I know this is very hard to do but as you said you really have to choice. Life is too short to live in the past.

 

Although I still miss my ex and may not fully understand what happened I do not regret spending 6 years of my life with him. It was a good 6 years. But now is a new chapter in my life. I did not choose to end the old chapter but I am starting a new one nonetheless.

 

Tyr and see your past relationship as an important part of your past that you can cherish and remember but not live over again. Then start working on a new chapter in your life. Your story is far from over.

[lightn]

I have already said my apology and gotten nothing in response, i have toldher how much i regeret everything i have done but it has not eased the pain one bit. I either did not get a response or a resposne to the likes of "i cannot talk to you".

 

I tried.

 

The most recent thing is she contacted my OTHER ex and asked her for my address to send some of my baptism pictures. my OTHER ex told her that this was not a good idea (which i agree) and then that was it.

 

After a year, I just give up, It seems as if god himself will not free me of this and I have no choice left.

 

Since you have said your apology and you are taking the blame then there was no response, it seems she is still really hurt on what you said. We all said things that we really did not mean when our emotions are high but it is done. Heck, I told my ex HER LOSS NOT MINE and she was so upset and screaming it threw me for a loop, but eventually the time will come when it will be her loss if she does wake up. However I do understand where you are coming from. I have been there and still is. It has been 2 years since the breakup but again I went into NC for a year until she showed up at my job. She asked me why I did not contact her when she stated not to contact her. Strange uh.

 

Sure you will have bad days and good days but one day you will forgive and wipe the slate clean. However you did what you could and she did not respond. RIght now let it go, I know easier said then done but again it will take time