He Said, "I Love You"...I Didn't Say It Back..What Is Love?

[ashley001]

Tonight when my boyfriend and I kissed goodbye, he grabbed my hand as I pulled away to get into my car and he gazed into my eyes and said, "I love you."...and I totally didn't expect it...I kinda just smiled and stared into his eyes and then said goodnight to him...

 

Thing is, I don't know what love is, thereforeeee, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel if I love him or not..

 

So my questions...What is love? How Will I Know? And as far as not saying it back to him...What happens?

[arwen]

Hey ashley,

 

I think you know you love someone at some point. He probably didn't realize he did until he looked at you and it simply came out. There is no point in saying 'I love you' back if you are not at that stage yet.

 

Is he your first bf, and how long have you been dating?

 

For me, I knew I loved my bf when I pictured myself 10 years from now and automatically pictured us together in that thought. But you are almost 10 years younger than I am, and this is my 3rd serious relationship.

 

He may be insecure about you not returning the phrase, but I think he said it to tell you he felt that way, and not primarily to hear it back.

 

Arwen

[GHdancer]

hey,

 

u know u love sum1 wen u can't imagine ur life without them.

[Below 30]

The reason you didn't say it back or know what to think, is because there is no such thing as love. It's just a word associated with a state of being made up by society. It's sole purpose, is to entrap the common individuals into a lifestyle that will benifit those who are higher ranking (government, royalty, the rich etc.)

 

There is sexual attraction that draws a man and woman together. The sole purpose of that is to create children. Nature didn't make it anymore complicated than that. The bulk of the responses in here will parallel what society is doing. Trying to trick you into thinking that you have to have more feelings than you need to. The guy you're with is a Frustrated Chump who probably buys you lots of things and throws the 'Love' word around, because he was taught that girls are better than him. So he says it to you with the hopes that it will keep your interest strong with him.

 

You'll eventually lose interest in him because he's acting so weak and boring.

[hmdreamer7]

Love has many meanings! Love can take many shapes and forms, and love and can mean different things to different people.

 

I hope you don't feel badly about not saying it back to him. Not all couples fall in love with each other at the same time, and if you've never experienced love, you'll probably need that extra time to figure it out. I agree with a lot of the posts about what love is, and they're good starting points and questions to ask yourself. Once you figure out how you think love should be defined, then you'll know if you're in love This may all sound silly but, it's just my take on it all.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Love has many meanings! Love can take many shapes and forms, and love and can mean different things to different people.

 

I hope you don't feel badly about not saying it back to him. Not all couples fall in love with each other at the same time, and if you've never experienced love, you'll probably need that extra time to figure it out. I agree with a lot of the posts about what love is, and they're good starting points and questions to ask yourself. Once you figure out how you think love should be defined, then you'll know if you're in love This may all sound silly but, it's just my take on it all.

 

Yea I totally agree.. I myself am sometimes confused and ask myself: what is love? How do I know I am?

People say things like "you just know"... But of course us who don't know at all... still keep wondering.

That's the thing when it comes to expressing feelings in relationships, and when the other person says things first. It can leave you more confused then ever. Wondering if you feel it back? And how you can be sure, etc.

 

Don't worry if you don't feel it back right away like hmdreamer7 said. (Haha ironicly I just experienced this and learned this recently). It takes people diffrent amounts of times to feel a certain way. Your 2 separate individuals.

 

I also don't know how to define love. But I THINK it is when you don't want to be with anyone else b/c there is no one better then them in your eyes, and care ALOT about them and when they are sad, you are sad too... It's just a really strong emotion you feel for them.

[Momene]

hey,

 

u know u love sum1 wen u can't imagine ur life without them.

 

But you can feel that way of you're dependent on someone and not in love with them.

[Momene]

Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth in what you say. However, I'd say whether it fits the "love" label or not, my feelings for my wife are deeper than that of when I was with girls before. Yes, strong attraction can feel like love but if/when it loses its glitter after a few months, you know then its not real. I've confused love with obsession and been in a relationship where there's friendship and sex but nothing more.

[PixelPusher]

Wow... what a bitter outlook on life and love. You're certainly entitled to your opinion, and there is a shred of truth about the animalistic side of humans, but I chose to believe we can think beyond procreation and feel deeper than our need to mate.

 

Ashley: What you ask is a very difficult one, and probably a question that will make itself clear in time. I can't say for certain if your boyfriend is really in love or if you two are still in the "infatuation" stage. The infatuation stage is basically a chemical/hormone-induced state of intense emotions and desire.

 

In my opinion, ALL relationships eventually leave the infatuation stage (what I think is the "seven-year itch"). LOVE is a deeper, stronger feeling. It is that warmth in your heart when you look at your significant other. It is admiring and loving everything about them, even their "negative" qwirks. It is wanting to do something for them just to see them happy. It has nothing to do with looks or money or social status.

 

In my own experience... I thought I loved my Xwife and I'm sure I did. But my love for her was swallowed up by our dysfunctional relationship. Eventually, my love became an unhealthy dependence on her, and I lost my self-worth. So keep that in mind. It is NOT love if you lose yourself in the relationship.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about not saying it back. One of the worst mistakes you make is to say it without truly meaning it.

[Below 30]

Look at the hypocrisy in the idea of Love;

You married a woman under the watch and authority of GOD, because you Loved each other, correct? Didn't GOD say that you can't leave her and she can't leave you until one or both of you are dead? So how did you and her end up separated if you're both alive?

 

Love is the kind of ideology that keeps people from being happy in life. Always chasing after a shadow. My opinion and your opinion are our entitlements, you're correct. But think of your opinion of Love like the belief of Santa Claus; No matter how much you believe in him for the hole year, on the morning of December 25th, no fat man will be coming down the chimney with any presents. No matter how much you people believe in Love, your relationships will still end before the death of you both. You're still going to be bored of the other person after time. You're still going to be checking out other people and thinking about being with them instead.

 

It's one thing to believe in Love, but to teach the illogical system behind Love to the young generation, is extra sad -30-

[vintage tees]

I won't even bother commenting back to the cynical message this post has turned into.

Ashley to answer YOUR question or at least to shed some light, I believe this to be the first time someone has said I love you other than a family member. I think for your age, or least me looking back, I did not know what love was either. There was one girl in particular that I dated that I said I love you out of obligation but know I didn't truly feel that way.

I think his saying it truly caught you off guard. Were there any signs lately that he might be feeling this way? Like possibly saying something about liking you a lot or never feeling as strongly for someone as he does for you? i just wonder if the timing is what threw you off.

how do you know you love your parents? there have been books that state you can't equate or separate love. so think of how strongly you love your family and see if he compares. Also, do not feel ashamed that you didnt say it back if you are truly unsure of what love entails. if you do feel love one day, and I am sure you will, make sure you tell him because he is probably going to be pretty hesitant to say it to you again. i hope some of this helps you.