Bad situation with my son. (Long)

[TexanMan]

It's been more than a year since I've posted, but I'll might try to remain more active and help others instead of just seeking help in my own personal problems.

 

My family and I moved to a small Texas community about a year and a half ago. My wife and I have personally have had a diffucult time fitting in with the community and we're actually thinking about moving soon. My daughters are making lots of friends, my son, who is in High School, has had a very diffucult time making friends, and I hate to say it, but it's mainly his fault.

The community my family and I are residing in is much more liberal than our last community, and my son is a conservative Christian, something I'm proud of, but he often puts it off the wrong way.

But anyway, on to the situation...

There has been another student that my son has conflicted with ever since we moved here. According to the teachers that have them in the same class. Usually the provocation is split between this student and my son, so I wouldn't say my son is being bullied. My son though, has told me that this student swears at him constantly when they argue. My wife talked to the mother of this student and it went well. I did not want anyone to be punished, but I did want the arguing between my son and this student to stop, and as a father I was concerned because my son constantly talked about this student. It ended after a while.

 

That all happened last year.

 

My house was also egged last year. I thought it was one of my students, but I could never find anything.

Fast forward to October. The school year starts again, and about two weeks into the school year my son is coming to my wife and I again with complaints about this student. This time I called the teachers, and most of them actually said it was my son who was starting the verbal jousting most of the time. The day I grounded my son for a week for his disruptions, a girl told me that this student said he was the one who egged our house. My wife and I were obviously very angry, and we planned on talking to this student. He told my son he did not even know that our house got egged, and there was no visible proof. I ended up deciding not to talk to him for some odd reason.

That all happened in October.

 

Until about a week or so ago, the arguments died down, and my son didn't complain about this student for a long time. Last week, the day before Christmas break, a heated argument flared, and the student got out of his seat during the middle of class and challenged my son to fight him, according to the English teacher. My son is 5'6, 115 lbs, and the other student is around 6'4 I would guess, and is mesomorphically built, so you can imagine the outcome of the fight.

The teacher also said that it was my son again who had provoked the situation, and the assistant principal told me after a conversation with this student that the student said he had enough of my son and wanted to end it and felt this was the only way to do it.

That happened last Thursday.

 

Needless to say I was infuriated with both my son and the other student. My son knows better than to act that way, and it is very inappropriate for this student, who has called my son various profanities already, to challenge him to a fight, and do what he did to him. My son was taken to the hospital and received stiches to his eye. I was planning on seriously talking to this kid, but he has been out of town. I also punished my son severely. He is not permitted

to use the computer, go out with what few friends he has, and we are not letting him go on the church ski trip.

 

This student got home today, and I was wondering if it's a good idea to confront him? About everything. The house egging, swearing at my son, and fighting him.

[ernurse75]

I live in a small TX community as well. My daughter has had a lot of problems with it because she came from a city where kids hit the streets to this town, where things are much more conservative. So our situations aren't really all that different.

 

Can we switch towns? Kidding. I really think you should let your son and this student work this out. It sounds as if he is growing up. The way people speak to each other many times outweigh the words that are spoken. maybe your son is afraid of losing his conservative boundries? This student sounds very angry with your son. I am sure he is using the profanity as a way to offend and break that conservative shell. Coming from a more liberal background I used to be very frightened and angry when I felt that I was being judged by those from a more conservative upbringing. As I have aged a little, I have learned to embrace and respect the beliefs of others. It takes a lot of time and some people get angry all of their lives.

 

high school is so tough. This may be a chance for both your son and this other student to learn lessons about tests of faith and respecting the differences that they probably have. He can learn to be a strong young man and act from the kindness of God without the judgement attached.

 

Good luck.

[NO1GR8r]

As parents, we forget sometimes what it was like to "get in where we fit in..."

You said: "My son knows better than to act that way, My son was taken to the hospital and received stiches to his eye. I also punished my son severely..."What we teach them and what they apply in THIER TIME, are two different things...I am sure that no TEXT BOOK Child rearing class will modify what nature has in store for our children. All we can do is show them love and demonstrate ways to handle various types of conflict. Even when they are in the rebellious stage of life. I taught my sons how to play chess and poker...why those two games.? Think about the objectives and goals of each. Position and manipulation of your opponent. Call their bluff and make them make the first move in opposition of themselves, not you. And I gave them the books "The Art of War", The Art of Peace" and "The Art of Worldy Wisdom" and talked about HOW and WHEN to apply the knowledge that they receive from any adult, experience or book and WHY.

 

Talk to your son. Tell him stories of how you lost fights and what your dad did about it. Take him to a gym and put some gloves on him - untrained with a trained fighter and let him get the crap (controllably) beat out of him - and then ask him was he ready for that? Extreme? Defiantely. Effective? Yes. He will learn that he can't win all of the time and that he must give respect to get it, or the streets will not be so forgiving. I did it with my oldest and the younger siblings live vicariously through him.

 

And most importantly...pray with your son...let him lead you in prayer and teach him to be a leader. And remember that the life lessons we pass down to our children will manifest in Their time, not Ours.

 

Good luck

[jenny_mcs]

 

This student got home today, and I was wondering if it's a good idea to confront him? About everything. The house egging, swearing at my son, and fighting him.

 

No, I think it' an awful idea. I'm assuming this kid is a minor. If you have issues with his behavior- talk to his parents. Any punishment/correction will have to come from them.

 

If the other boy's parents are reasonable, maybe you guys can talk about the situation, and then bring the 2 boys into the conversation. Tell the 2 boys that in the future they need to ignore each other- no more swearing by the other boy, no more provocation by your son.

[Metallica Lightning]

I read your other thread, (With all do respect) and if your son is still calling out people on their sexuality and apppearences, then I think he deserves to be manhandled. Hopefully it will teach him to eventually accept people for who they are, and if not that, teach him to keep his mouth shut so he won't get tossed around. I'm not sure about the situation this time, but if getting his nose and finger broken wasn't enough, then your son may have a real problem. What do your son and this student fight about?

 

What I would do, is meet with this kid and his parents, take your wife and son, and sort things out. So yes, talking to him would be a good idea.

Keep in mind though, that your son agreed to this fight, and he also provoked it. When talking to this student and his parents, be tactful, not angry. Ask this student why he has such a problem with your son, and brainstorm with him and his family about how it can be resolved.

 

Kane.

[TexanMan]

First off, no one deserves to be beaten for upholding the Bible.

My son is just trying to bring a Godly prescence into this community, and he is being abused for it.

On your second paragraph, I did just that and I just got home from a talk with this kid and his parents. Again, the student denied egging my house, and his parents refused to even think that he did such a thing. I'm still convinced it's him.

We all talked about the issue between my son and this student, and it's usually arguments about religon, morals, and human rights. I tried to tell this student that the Bible was the correct path to follow, and he told me that my words were falling upon def ears.

Nothing hostile happened, the student was very calm even when my wife, nearly crying, accused him of being a bully and a predator.

In the end we all agreed that my son and this student would not speak to eachother again, and if there was another argument, there would be punishment from both ends. I also told the student that if there was ever another physical altercation between him and my son that I would look in to filing charges.

[Metallica Lightning]

First off, no one deserves to be beaten for upholding the Bible.

I'm not much of a bible reader, but in the bible I believe God says that judgement will come from him. Your son is doing anything but upholding the bible it sounds like to me, especially if he is starting these arguments as the teachers have said. The other student is no angel and it was indeed inappropriate of him to challenge your son, but can you really blame him for being fed up? I know I would.

 

 

My son is just trying to bring a Godly prescence into this community, and he is being abused for it.

On your second paragraph, I did just that and I just got home from a talk with this kid and his parents. Again, the student denied egging my house, and his parents refused to even think that he did such a thing. I'm still convinced it's him.

We all talked about the issue between my son and this student, and it's usually arguments about religon, morals, and human rights. I tried to tell this student that the Bible was the correct path to follow, and he told me that my words were falling upon def ears.

Nothing hostile happened, the student was very calm even when my wife, nearly crying, accused him of being a bully and a predator.

In the end we all agreed that my son and this student would not speak to eachother again, and if there was another argument, there would be punishment from both ends. I also told the student that if there was ever another physical altercation between him and my son that I would look in to filing charges.

 

It's good that you handeled it in a mature way. Your wife calling this student a bully and a predator sounds pretty biased to be honest. Your son accepted the fight and even provoked it, so it wouldn't seem pretty ridiculous if you pressed charges. If your son is attacked without consent though, you can sue for assault.

[ernurse75]

I would like to add that a good teacher has patience and kindness with his/her students. Teachers love and accept. Teachers welcome questions and challenges. Jesus did didn't he? I don't believe he walked the streets looking for those to condemn. People are very turned off by condemnation. It is no way to get a point accross. I don't think it sounds like your son should be this other student's teacher. That student doesn't need the "Godly presense known" from another student. He needs to seek it himself or be found by way of loving kindness.

 

I hope you can talk with your son about the feelings of anger that he is feeling. If he is judging others, it will only hurt his heart. It is not his place. I believe the teachings of the bible are beautiful and pure. But I have seen people point fingers when they had no right. I hope that is not happening.

[Mythical_Suicide]

First off, no one deserves to be beaten for upholding the Bible.

My son is just trying to bring a Godly prescence into this community, and he is being abused for it.

.

 

I just want to say, there is a difference between 'upholding the Bible' and shoving religion in people's face and judging people for who they are. What your son did was wrong, and to be completely honest if I was the other kid I probably would have done the same thing to your son if he had done the same to me. Your son isn't being "abused" I dont think he is as innocent as you are making him out to be. Both were involved, both need to be handled accordingly. I may get bashed for this, But I understand trying to do a good thing but this is exactly why most schools don't allow religious debates, etc.. Because not everyone has the same beliefs and it can become dirty. Everyone thinks their religion is "right", noone can agree to disagree and move on.

[Metallica Lightning]

I just want to say, there is a difference between 'upholding the Bible' and shoving religion in people's face and judging people for who they are. What your son did was wrong, and to be completely honest if I was the other kid I probably would have done the same thing to your son if he had done the same to me. Your son isn't being "abused" I dont think he is as innocent as you are making him out to be. Both were involved, both need to be handled accordingly. I may get bashed for this, But I understand trying to do a good thing but this is exactly why most schools don't allow religious debates, etc.. Because not everyone has the same beliefs and it can become dirty. Everyone thinks their religion is "right", noone can agree to disagree and move on.

 

I completely agree.

If your son was upholding the bible, he would be accepting people for who they are and let his character reflect his upholding of the bible. It's christians like your son who give christians a bad name, and your son shoving the bible in this student's face is probobly pushing him further away from christianity.

 

I know you may not like the sound of this since we all interpret the bible differently, but I advise you to look at the bible from another standpoint instead of viewing it as a rulebook.

[TexanMan]

I never said my son was innocent. He is being punished for starting this whole mess. I'm not going to just come down on my son though, this student deserves to be punished for acting un-Godly, egging my house, and for verbally and physically abusing my son. I don't understand why everyone seems to favor someone who doesn't attend church, listens to awful, immoral "Metal" music, and challenges people to fight him over a good Christian boy who is just trying to do the right thing.

 

The Bible says that Christians are obligated to go out and witness. That was the original objective of my son. Yes, he didn't handle it in the most tactful way, but this student is angry with my son for trying to show him the correct path, and THAT is something to be angry about in itself. Especially when it ends in a physical altercation.

[Olive.Juice]

I don't understand why everyone seems to favor someone who doesn't attend church

The majority of the church going folk I have met have been very narrow minded and judgemental. They do not practice what they preach. You could be entirely different. I don't know, I have not met you. But, I am just going off of personal experience.

 

listens to awful, immoral "Metal" music

 

Are you even serious with this comment? What about all the other music out there that promotes the gangsta life style, robbery, murder, drug dealing, pimping hos and all that? That music to me is more "immoral" than any of the metal music I have listened to.

 

and challenges people to fight him over a good Christian boy who is just trying to do the right thing.

Antagonizing a fight is being a "good Christian boy trying to do the right thing"?

 

The Bible says that Christians are obligated to go out and witness....but this student is angry with my son for trying to show him the correct path

Your son is judging this other student's path. Who are you or your son to tell ANYONE that their belief/system of beliefs is incorrect? THAT is why the kid got angry and punched your kid in the face. He believes he was born right the first time, and it was not out of original sin.

[The Outsider]

I never said my son was innocent. He is being punished for starting this whole mess.

 

Good. At least you admit that this situation is at least partly his fault.

 

I'm not going to just come down on my son though, this student deserves to be punished for acting un-Godly, egging my house, and for verbally and physically abusing my son.

 

So now people who don't act accordingly with what YOU believe YOUR god would want should be punished? Some guys that thought the same way crashed planes into some buildings in New York some years back. You may have heard about it on the news.

 

 

I don't understand why everyone seems to favor someone who doesn't attend church, listens to awful, immoral "Metal" music, and challenges people to fight him over a good Christian boy who is just trying to do the right thing.

 

Shoving your beliefs down other people's throats is never greeted warmly. I believe our country was forged by people who wanted to be free from this sort of thing.

 

The Bible says that Christians are obligated to go out and witness. That was the original objective of my son. Yes, he didn't handle it in the most tactful way, but this student is angry with my son for trying to show him the correct path, and THAT is something to be angry about in itself. Especially when it ends in a physical altercation.

 

To be honest, I think your son got off lucky but the world is going to be a cold, lonely place for him if he continues to think he has a monopoly on morality.

 

It sounds like he is a chip off the old block considering the way you repeatedly make references about you and your son's belief that you hold the moral high ground thanks to your religion.

[Metallica Lightning]

He is being punished for starting this whole mess. I'm not going to just come down on my son though, this student deserves to be punished for acting un-Godly, egging my house, and for verbally and physically abusing my son.

Wow...Just...Wow.

This other student is obviously not a Christian. I don't know if he has another religon or not, but it seems like he doesn't. Why should he have to act like someone he doesn't even believe in?

You said you had no proof that he egged your house. What if it was someone else and this student is innocent? Don't say someone did something without a total lack of facts.

I'll give you the verbal abuse one. It's downright offensive to swear at someone constantly, and this student does need to be punished for that.

Physical abuse....You said there had never been anything physical until this point. And your son started an argument, was challenged, accepted the challenge, and got manhandled. Wow, sounds almost totally opposite of abuse.

 

I don't understand why everyone seems to favor someone who doesn't attend church, listens to awful, immoral "Metal" music, and challenges people to fight him over a good Christian boy who is just trying to do the right thing.

I'm a Christian, but I only attend church once a month. The foundation of Christianity is believing Jesus Christ is your lord and savior, and that applies to all denomonations. I never attend services, I go to Bible class for an hour out of one moth and then I go home. Most of the regular church goers I have met are also very narrow minded. I can't imagine how it is in the South...

 

Haha, I'm not sure if this was a personal shot at me, but the pastor at the church I attend likes Sevendust. Look them up. And you'll find very few metal musicians prevent immorality, but we all have different morals, correct? Trust me on this, I own a record shop, and I'm in a Blues/Metal band.

 

The Bible says that Christians are obligated to go out and witness. That was the original objective of my son. Yes, he didn't handle it in the most tactful way, but this student is angry with my son for trying to show him the correct path, and THAT is something to be angry about in itself. Especially when it ends in a physical altercation.

This student doesn't think it's the correct path. Who is to say his word id bigger than yours?

Yes, Christians are supposed to WITNESS. There is nothing about judging and confronting anyone.

[3boys]

I never said my son was innocent. He is being punished for starting this whole mess. I'm not going to just come down on my son though, this student deserves to be punished for acting un-Godly, egging my house, and for verbally and physically abusing my son. I don't understand why everyone seems to favor someone who doesn't attend church, listens to awful, immoral "Metal" music, and challenges people to fight him over a good Christian boy who is just trying to do the right thing.

 

The Bible says that Christians are obligated to go out and witness. That was the original objective of my son. Yes, he didn't handle it in the most tactful way, but this student is angry with my son for trying to show him the correct path, and THAT is something to be angry about in itself. Especially when it ends in a physical altercation.

ISTM that your son is just as angry because this boy disagrees with him. Neither boy handled the situation in the best manner, but your son has to realize and accept that this boy will NEVER agree with his beliefs. Sorry, but I've had more than my fair share of dealing with "Christians" who feel that they are morally superior to anyone who doesn't agree with their beliefs....Christians don't corner the market on morality. I've been told that I'm going to Hell and am not "Christian" because I was baptized Catholic and don't go to church. I've also had people ask me where my sons learned their manners if they don't go to church. People can live good, moral lives even if they're not Christian. Now, swearing at someone is definitely not "moral and good", but neither is belittling someone because they have differing beliefs....

[juicey]

My initial reaction to this is that if the teachers have talked to you multiple times about your son and his behavior....your son has a problem.

 

I would bet my last dollar that the other kid involved didn't egg your house. Why? Because this kid seems to directly confront your son on his behavior. Definitely not in the best manner, but he has directly confronted him for the past year. I'm sure that this is not the only kid that your son has been antagonizing.

[Mythical_Suicide]

My initial reaction to this is that if the teachers have talked to you multiple times about your son and his behavior....your son has a problem.

 

I would bet my last dollar that the other kid involved didn't egg your house. Why? Because this kid seems to directly confront your son on his behavior. Definitely not in the best manner, but he has directly confronted him for the past year. I'm sure that this is not the only kid that your son has been antagonizing.

 

My thoughts exactly..

 

 

and your post is the exact reason Christians have bad names with people like me. You have your belief, I have mine. Just because I don't "worship" your god doesn't make me any less of a person. Why should your son be high and almighty to judge what people believe. I agree with the poster who said that your son is lucky this is all that happened. You do not push religion down people's throat. You accept people have different religious beliefs and move on.

 

 

 

but this student is angry with my son for trying to show him the correct path, and THAT is something to be angry about in itself. Especially when it ends in a physical altercation.

What is the correct path for your son is obviously not the correct path for this other boy. Why is it your sons place to show him anything, he's his own person. Your son needs to mind his own business and keep his religion to himself. I would have probably done alot more than given your son a black eye if he came at me judging me. That's just not something you do.

 

How would you feel if I go preach my religion to your son? You wouldn't like it very much would you?

[3boys]

AMEN!!!

[Atticus90]

I believe in god also, but I wouldn't shove religion in there face, because it's there decision and it's rude.

Takes 2 to fight. Your son had a role in this. If your son stops what he's doing, then the kid will stop also.