shy guy?

[mpappo086]

Hey all! I've never had a real relationship before and I've recently started dating this guy who is extremely hard to read. He also has never been in a real relationship. He's very outgoing when we're out in public but when its just the two of us I feel like he freezes up and doesn't know what to say.

 

We've been dating for about three months now and I find it very hard to get any idea of what's going on between us from him. He never really tells me that he likes me or anything like that but according to multiple people that he's extremely close with, he's crazy about me. The only time I can get any read on him is when he's drunk or I'm angry with him. When he's drunk he'll tell me that I'm beautiful or hot and he's even told me he loves me a couple of times but at the same time its probably just the alcohol talking. When I'm angry with him, on the other hand, he gets scared and tries to fix it immediately.

 

Just recently he told me that he wanted the two of us to be exclusive so I guess that's a step in the right direction but he's very confusing. Do alot of guys have a hard time showing their feelings like him?

[ostego]

that sounds like me exactly!!!

 

It's just hard for some of us to express our feelings. The silences and introvertness contrasting with the outgoingness in public is because in public, there are other people to talk to and other distractions that take the mind off constantly trying to impress you, etc. however, when its jsut you and him, his mind is constantly searching for things to say, and all that! (or at least thats how it would be for me!).

 

People like us take a long time to settle in and feel comfortable around people, but just give it more time, and itll be fine.

[lilypadgirl]

Wow, that sounds like my ex so much and on top of that my ex was very idealistic probably due to his lack of relationship experience.

 

We ultimately did work out because of communication problems. Step by step and without stressing or pressuring him, I think it's crucial to help him understand how important it is to share and communicate your thoughts and feelings to the survival of a relationship. Also I think in this situation, it helps if you're more proactive about expressing yourself. He'll get used to that and hopefully start expressing himself more too.

 

I didn't do that soon or proactively enough and always thought if I gave him more time and if I was a little more patient, he'd get comfortable enough and come around.

[vrank]

Get clear on what you want, and then commuinicate that in a crystal clear fashion so that there is no doubt in his mind.

[relm]

When he's drunk he'll tell me that I'm beautiful or hot and he's even told me he loves me a couple of times but at the same time its probably just the alcohol talking.

 

Just recently he told me that he wanted the two of us to be exclusive so I guess that's a step in the right direction but he's very confusing. Do alot of guys have a hard time showing their feelings like him?

 

I think the alcohol acts as truth serum. It does for me at least so I think he's being more honest and less inhibited with the drink. And I do believe most guys have a hard time expressing feelings - just not the cultural social norm, nor the way most of us were raised.