People who don't care: Letting it be

[itsallgrand]

This is the single toughest thing for me as the new year approaches, and I think of finally letting all this garbage go and any baggage from my last relationship with it.

 

When it is clear that someone does not respect your wishes, your thoughts, your feelings, or simply does not care about you in the way you know you deserve and want - to let that all go and to walk away clean and free without a lot of struggle - what is the difference when a person can do this and when they can't?

 

Walking away was the easy part. Letting it go not so much.

 

I'm not just talking here about lovers and partners (ex). I'm talking about any person that may have come into your life and done a lot of damage.

 

Eventually, it is all the bad things that bind these people to us. So does letting that go necessitate, do you think, self healing and "cleaning out your own demons" if you are to let go truly and fully?

 

And, if so, what are your favorite pieces of advice and wisdom and tidbits as you have or are doing this?

 

thanks for your thoughts.

[lightn]

Good post. Even though my ex broke up with me it was hard to let go because I still care. However after 1 year of no contact she showed up at my job. We were in contact for a bit till now it is going on 3 months of NC because I sent her an email of her choice and decide on what she wants etc. I laid it all on the table. No response and no response from a xmas card with a gift card. It is typical of her because she did admit that she did hurt me and that she has issues with her parents of controlling her and she needs to work it out and then consider with me. Geez how long that would be??

After that email I sent, and then I made an attempt with a phone call about my car accident, I now can see slightly how much she can take wtihout giving back. I am making money and have a new ride, but she is struggling financially, and I really don;t think she will know how to give back just take.

IT is hard to let go but she will always be in my heart, until I find someone new.

As the saying goes, set them free, if they come back they are yours and if not, the way I see it is their loss.

[talo]

When it is clear that someone does not respect your wishes, your thoughts, your feelings, or simply does not care about you in the way you know you deserve and want - to let that all go and to walk away clean and free without a lot of struggle - what is the difference when a person can do this and when they can't?

My understanding is that someone that can walk away without a struggle has done their struggling whilst still in the relationship and has exhausted it. As seen here, one could not really walk away without struggling at some stage. If one could, one did not really love in the first place.

 

Alternatively, there are people whose love is inclusive and not exclusive. But then they do not really walk away.

 

I'm not just talking here about lovers and partners (ex). I'm talking about any person that may have come into your life and done a lot of damage.

 

Eventually, it is all the bad things that bind these people to us. So does letting that go necessitate, do you think, self healing and "cleaning out your own demons" if you are to let go truly and fully?

Any damage, bad things, and demons, seen here, are/were essentially a result of my own lack of care. It is not that I have to stay in situations that are damaging to my self, it is that I attract such situations by not caring enough. As an adult I do not really need someone else's care. Such is needy behaviour.

 

Caring may be seen as intelligence, understanding, thoughtfulness, compassion, regard, kindness, love, awareness, mindfulness.... It is a full time job is caring.

 

With best wishes,

[itsallgrand]

 

Any damage, bad things, and demons, seen here, are/were essentially a result of my own lack of care. It is not that I have to stay in situations that are damaging to my self, it is that I attract such situations by not caring enough. As an adult I do not really need someone else's care. Such is needy behaviour.

 

Caring may be seen as intelligence, understanding, thoughtfulness, compassion, regard, kindness, love, awareness, mindfulness.... It is a full time job is caring.

 

With best wishes,

 

Thanks.

 

Right on.

 

This is something that I can take responsibility for, and change. Now that I can say "It's my choices, my mistakes, that are bringing me down" - a real chance to change it.

 

I appreciate all the thoughts, guys.

 

(This will sound strange, but, I have recently got this image of a Big Star - a Light - that can orientate me. Getting distracted from that, fixated on a negative, is habit now. Now I think of that place I wanna be. And with hard work , I'm convinced I can do this. )