Friends wanting to come along on our honeymoon

[adidas7fire]

So, my fiance and I are getting married in June and we couldn't be more excited. We have talked about our honeymoon destination and that has pretty much been chosen. My MOH and bestman (who are husband and wife) keep mentioning that they want to go with us to Mexico. At the first mention of this, I said nothing because I thought they were just joking around. Then today, they mentioned it again but I realized they were being serious! Again, I said nothing because we were with them and a huge group of people and I didn't want to make a scene or come off as being selfish. Anyways, in their mentioning of this, they said that they could go to a different resort while we honeymoon and then meet up with us afterwards.

 

Is it wrong in my wanting to spend my honeymoon with my husband ALONE?! Am I being selfish as to not want to include them? For background info, my fiance and I got married during our summer vacation this year. We went with this couple (since it was their 4-yr-anniversary) but they were the ones to invite us. I didn't know if I was being prudish in my thinking of wanting to share this once-in-a-lifetime experience with my husband or if I'm obligated to allow them to come along since they invited us on their anniversary.

[JadedStar]

You are not being selfish - THEY ARE! How rude! Tell them no. IT was their choice to invite you on their anniversary trip. You are not obligated to have them come on your honeymoon trip and them trying to invite themselves is not at all nice.

[hmdreamer7]

No way! It's your Honeymoon!!!!!!!! A honeymoon should be a time for newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in seclusion, and they are taking away from that special time by even asking to come along! C'mon, your FIRST moments in possibly an exotic location with your new spouse vs. already being married for 4 years....!? Anniversaries are important for sure, but like you said, your honeymoon is a "once-in-a-lifetime experience."

 

And you are definitely not obligated to invite them anywhere. It was nice of them to invite you along on their trip, but don't at all feel prudish for rejecting their offer to invite themselves on yours!

[KG]

Prolly the only time in your life to say "We need a liitle WE time", and really mean it!

NO Fing WAY!

[rocio]

that's just crazy. how does your fiance feel about this?

[CarnelianButterfly]

A honeymoon is private time between newly weds, friends hanging on is not cool. You aren't being selfish, they are being unreasonable.

[shikashika]

they are being incredibly rude.... no doubt about it!!

 

tell them this is your HONEYMOON... only you and your love!!

[adidas7fire]

I talked to my fiance and he's on the side of me... though he doesn't mind either way. He just wants me to be happy and with that, having just US go together without friends is what I want and he's cool with that.

[Dako]

After all that wedding stress, people should leave you two alone.

Tell your friends a team of people in cyberspace are taking offense on your part.

Geeze, Louise!!!

[girlie-girl]

I'd just politely tell them that you'd like to be alone with your husband on your honeymoon, but that perhaps you could as couples go on another vacation together later.

 

Besides, how can you have a 'real' honeymoon if you're having to plan things with others involved. Kinda takes out the ability for a little spontaneous newlywed fun.

[adidas7fire]

Tell me about it! I mean, I only get to have the honeymoon once. I'd like to not worry about anyone else but ourselves... just this once. LOL!!!

[JadedStar]

I am thinking this couple is bored with each other and that is why they invited you on their anniv trip. I'd never even dream of inviting others on an anniv trip with my husband! This must be why they think nothing of inviting themselves to go on your honeymoon...that has to be why.

 

But tell them no...no need not to be polite about it but say no and don't make excuses or feel bad.

[KG]

You can't unring a bell...your honeymoon photos with your friends in the picture! YECCK!!!

Go alone, enjoy yourselves completely, without the phone ringing..." so, here's what we thought we'd all do today!"

[adidas7fire]

Yes, i thought about the picture thing too! How weird would that be?!?! I am just still shocked that they would even suggest the idea. I mean, my mom had said that... but only as a joke and she made sure I knew it was a joke but JadedStar is right: they have been having marital issues and I guess it's easier to "deal" with each other when you have your friends around to keep you in check.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I can't believe they would have the nerve to want to go on your HONEYMOON with you guys... Holy crap!! How can anyone do that? I mean, seriously, it's your honeymoon for crying out loud. Just for you and your husband not friends tagging along.

[southerngirl]

I agree you two should go alone and enjoy eachother. Life goes on but there is only one honeymoon, make it the time of your lives!

 

Congratulations on the new marriage! Good wishes for many happy years together!

[itsallgrand]

This sort of thing is very common around here, going to the Dominican or Mexico or wherever-resorts to celebrate marriages-honeymoons-whatever.

So I'm less shocked and offended, and more *laughing*. Sorry!

 

I think it is a way some people cram in family and friend time with other important times, but it gets kinda ridiculous. Some honeymoons turn into part family-reunions. lol.

 

Just tell them this will be a solo trip.

 

They didn't pay last time around, right?

[adidas7fire]

Thank you guys for all the kind words. I'm sure they are just excited to go somewhere cool and hang with us but I have to agree with all of you -- this is OUR time and who really goes on a honeymoon with the newlyweds (unless it's a destination wedding)??? I wrote her an email about the whole situation but we'll see what she responds with. Part of me is scared that she will see it as being rude and not wanting to hang out with them and then losing a friendship but the other part of me is hoping reality will kick in and let them see that a honeymoon is what it is.

[adidas7fire]

And no, itsallgrand... they did not pay for our trip with them. That would be a totally different story.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, exactly.

 

There is no reason they should make a fuss about this, so if they do - hey, their problem right!

 

Have a good one.

[mannymanman]

link removed

 

"From medieval days until the early 19th century, diaries and letters more often used the word love to refer to neighbors, cousins and fellow church members than to spouses. When honeymoons first gained favor in the 19th century, couples often took along relatives or friends for company. Victorian novels and diaries were as passionate about brother-sister relationships and same-sex friendships as about marital ties."

 

So maybe your friends are just reeeeealy old fashioned.

[cleo_gurl]

Its up to you on if you want them to go or not. Better tell them you want the alone time with your honey then have them come and you have a bad time. Its your day and its your choice don't worry about hurting their feelings they should understand.

[JadedStar]

link removed

 

"From medieval days until the early 19th century, diaries and letters more often used the word love to refer to neighbors, cousins and fellow church members than to spouses. When honeymoons first gained favor in the 19th century, couples often took along relatives or friends for company. Victorian novels and diaries were as passionate about brother-sister relationships and same-sex friendships as about marital ties."

 

So maybe your friends are just reeeeealy old fashioned.

 

Or really bored with each other. That's my vote.

[Considerate Empath]

Well you're not obligated to invite them at all - anniversary trips and honeymoons are completely different.

 

You have at least twice as much sex on the honeymoon.

 

 

//C.E.

[Abby]

I feel it's unfair what they're expecting and I don't feel you're wrong for wanting to spend your honeymoon with just your husband. Having said that, when I was dating my husband, his house-mate got married at the end of Uni. At the same time, my husband decided on an end-of-Uni holiday with me. Both he and his friend booked the same resort. We left a couple of days before his friend married and we were in a different hotel to them. We didn't arrange to meet up with them however, we booked onto a trip which co-incidentally was the same trip they booked onto so we spent a little time together. We also met up for drinks that evening. That was the only time we saw them because for the second week of our holiday, we went to an island whereas they stayed on the mainland.