Is reconciliation ever possible?

[thekid55]

A condensed version of my story. Just looking for responses. I was in a relationship of 2 years during high school. I'm 2 years older than my girlfriend. I left to go to a college about 2 hours away from home in September. My ex girlfriend was kind of hesitant about the distance, but she told me that she would try her best to make it work since she loved me. The relationship lasted until mid-October when she broke it off. I do think her friends influenced her to point that she should just party and hook up with whoever. I guess a lot of couples break up and can't handle the high school/college extreme.

 

Since then, she has been messing around with a few different guys. We did talk occasionally. She asked me when I was coming home for break awhile back. Called me to say happy birthday on my birthday. She has been playing games by saying that she wants to see me and was coming to visit me at school and stuff like that. We haven't hung out since the break up.

 

She does have a new love interest. She has met this guy that she works with about a month ago. They are the same age, same grade, but they go to different high schools. They are definitely opposites in every phase. She's more "preppy"..He's more "emo". He's really into drugs, she's not. Found out that she had sex with him about 2 weeks ago. She called me that same night crying on the phone. . But wouldn't tell me what was bothering her. I was the only other guy that she has been with and her doing that seems definitely out of character. She acted like nothing was wrong when I asked her the day after. Since then, she has been hooking up with him and apparently they are officially a couple as of 2 days ago. I do notice that she leaves him comments on myspace that used to resemble one she would leave me. I know that she constantly texts him. She seems to falling in love with him, even though that isn't possible after a month of knowing someone. It took a lot of hard work and love to develop what we had. She seems to be rushing into it now. Do you think that this will last?

 

My thing is: I have been out with a few different girls, but I can't help but compare them to her. She had everything that I wanted in a girl. It bothers me that she has gotten over me so quickly. She would always say that "she didn't want anyone but me, I had everything she wanted. Forever and everything that goes along with it" She has written online that she thinks she wasted two years of high school with me since I tried to shelter her from partying. Going to parties and stuff was never an issue. We never talked about it. I'm just not a partier. Thats all. I guess it bothers me that she has a new boyfriend. Maybe that doesn't really bother me, but the fact that she had sex with him already does. Her best friend has been feeding me most of this info. Her best friend and I are pretty good friends as well. Her and I haven't had a conversation in about 10 days. I've blocked her online. Do you think we could restore the relationship one day or do you think this is a lost cause. We both seem to have a lot to experience alone...

[RaZeRbLaDeZ]

If you are constantly comparing girls to your ex, then it is not time to go out and get with someone new yet, she obviously does not want to be with you if she is going aorund messing with other guys, she is a jr in highschool and young like you said, most girls that age are not sure of what they want in somebody yet, so the best thing you can do is probably just stop contacting her and hurting yourself

[thekid55]

I have stopped contacting her. We haven't spoken in about a week and a half. I haven't initiated any contact. I guess she is just experimenting with what she wants...what do you think?

[parralax]

Im with RaZeRbLaDeZ - shes young, experimenting, she wants to party, its not your scene. You might need to ask your ex's friend (and your friend) not to feed information to you, rather than just blocking her. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Minimise your contact, be kind to yourself.

 

Sometimes people have to try things out and see how they go, its all part of life. She might say online that two years with you were a waste, I don't think that could ever seriously be true. People say stupid stuff. If you never tried to stop her from going to parties, and you never discussed it, then its not really fair of her to accuse you of trying to "protect" her from them. But then again sometimes people's perceptions about a circumstance are different. Maybe she felt constrained by you not being the partying type. So be it - you don't have to party if you don't want to.

 

As for the partying if she is inexperienced in this area then she is going to have to learn her tolerance for alcohol, drugs and what her boundaries are with sex (how soon, who with, what circumstance etc). The alcohol/drugs/rock and roll sex thing is intertwined and she'd going to have to learn some lessons there. Hopefully, like with most people she will work it out and it will work out for her, she probably needs to chalk up some experience to become a more rounded person - to be able to make judgements from experience. If she's got her head screwed on right then she's going to be OK. But you don't need to see that stuff, right now, you really don't.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Stay NC and try to stop obsessing over her. This makes over ten threads in a short period of time about your relationship - the advice is unlikely to change. She's young and interested in exploring her options. You'll keep thinking about her, but it's time to start moving on.