Be Careful What You Wish For...

[Beckie1001]

Hey Everyone

I don't know if you remember me... My ex and I broke up because he didn't seem to care about me. Well it has been 3 months since we broke up and there has been new developments. I did NC after we broke up! Four weeks after we broke up he came to my work and asked if we could be friends but he seemed interested in me. A month after that we met somewhere so he could meet my daughter and everything seemed so awesome. I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. Then 2 weeks ago we saw each other at a work party and he told me I was the one, he gets butterflies whenever he sees me, loses his appetite, and that he was in love with me. He said he still thinks about me all the time too.

 

I knew all along that he had feelings for me but he never admitted it. We had this really great connection.

 

I even asked him about this and he said yes we have a connection, yes I have feelings for you..blah, blah, blah.

 

Well the next day I felt like he was acting weird so I said did you really mean what you said last night that you were in love with me? He denied everything! I told him that I could feel that he had feelings for me. Then I told him he was being a coward and he said oh well!

 

I finally figured out what happened between us... He is 24 and I'm 32.. I'm his first girlfriend...and I have a kid... HE GOT COLD FEET! He knew we had something so special but he pushed it away because he got scared. He must be a committment phobe. I thought that was it before but I wasn't sure, so now I know!

 

Well after this last time..I'm not attracted to him anymore. He hurt me so bad this last time that I don't even like him anymore. If he calls, I'm not returning his calls!

 

It's weird how the tables can turn with NC! I think what is going to happen now is...he is going to want to be with me and I'm not going to want to be with him. I don't care if he calls or not but I'm just guessing this is what is going to happen!

 

I think everything happens for a reason though. God has bigger and better plans for me!

 

Thanks for helping out everyone

[Clabs]

Hey Beckie

 

Darling - I am sorry this didn't work out for you - I really am.

 

You seem to have this wrapped pretty much up so far as your emotions are concerned.

 

Yes - it does sound like he has issues with commitment and this is more about his age as far as anything else.

 

Yes - everythin happens for a reason - and over which we have no control. If we have not control there is nothing we can do about it so why worrry?!

 

Yes - you are best to keep away from him - you know for sure what the problem is here. With an attitude like yours it won't be long before someone who does know that you are the best thing since sliced bread comes along and snaps you up!

 

Take care of yourself honey.

 

Mark

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I read through your other posts. You were only with him for 6 weeks. He is 24 and you are 32 with a daughter. You are at completely different stages in life. I wouldn't brand him as a commitmentphobe...he just doesn't want to commit to YOU...that doesn't make him a commitmentphobe. He is young, wants to party and doesn't want to be tied down to a much older women who has a child. He may have some feelings for you...but not enough to want to give up his freedom at this point in time. It also sounds like he is simply testing the cliches (butterflies, the one etc etc) to see how they work on women. He is not on the same page as you and I think at your stage you need to find someone who is mature and responsible. He may or may not call...you can't be so sure about that...also, you don't really know how you are going to react if he does call. I have seen so many people say "I will do such and such if this happens...and yet when it happens, they do the complete opposite of what they said they would do".

[browneyedgirl36]

^^I agree with CAD, here. At 33, I dated a 24 year old guy (for only a couple of months) and though I don't have any kids, we were definitely at different stages in our lives. He hadn't finished college, I had a master's degree. He had a job in a bank and didn't make nearly what I do (this bothered him tremendously, but it didn't bother me, as long as he could support himself). He had to live with people because he couldn't afford his own place, etc. He wasn't a big partier, but he was nowhere near ready to settle down. He gave me all the lines -- wrote me poetry, love letters, etc. -- and then abruptly dumped me. Shortly thereafter, he found someone else. I went NC with him, so I have no idea what happened to him after that, but I suspect he's gone through several relationships since, not necessarily because he's a commitmentphobe, but because he's at a stage in his life where he's still trying to figure out what he wants.

 

I really think you should forget this guy. While I wouldn't necessarily say he's a commitmentphobe, I will say that you are definitely on different paths in life at this point, and he's probably not ready to settle down with someone who already has a child.

 

He MAY call, but if he does, it's most likely going to be because he's fishing to see if you're still interested. Use caution. If you do talk to him, don't get sucked in by his sappy lines about "butterflies," etc. Some people know exactly what to say to keep you interested, and they say a lot of things they don't mean.