its about over

[RooferGirl23]

After a 6 year relationship, and 3 kids, Not to mention 4 step kids, The time has come that we can no longer deny: the break up. we fight always, we basically cant stand to be near each other, and nit pic....ect. I never wanted to raise my children in a split home, but i know that there is no way that they can be happy living this way.

 

Im looking for the strength to move out and move on. that means from going from being a stay at home mom to a working single mother. Im so scared but i dont want to continue to live this way. I have to find a job, and save some money to get my own place. I will have to work out a schedule with him so he can watch the kids while i work, and so on.

 

What I am asking here, is, any of you single moms and dads who made the great leap towards happiness, how did you find the inner strength? How did you make it? any advice you can offer me would be so appreciated.... what bridges do you cross, and which do you avoid? I know that its the best thing, my home is a tense and un happy one and I have got to give my kids the best I can, and having them around fighting is not the best.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have never been married, no children so I can't offer you any words of wisdom..but what I can say is that I am sorry you are in this situation. Were the two of you married? Even if you were not, there should be child support...however, if he already has 4 children from a previous relationship, you might end up with not a lot of child support. Check into this. Do not bear all of the financial burden...he has to kick in his share.

[Wolf_22]

After a 6 year relationship...to give my kids the best I can, and having them around fighting is not the best.

 

Man... I'm sorry to hear that. I was about to post a new thread on here about how I have a really hard time with Sundays, but having seen now that I have minor issues as compared to your current issues, I can see that my Sundays aren't so bad (I'm not thumbing my nose at you or anything, I'm just saying... It puts it into perspective).

 

Maybe the two of you just need a break from everything? Just say to hell with work, school, fam and friends, and go somewhere. Go on a trip, and if it's to the point to where the two of you can't even travel alone together, then the two of you should separate for about 2 months. See what that does, and if that doesn't even work, then the two of you simply need to end it, but hopefully in a good way. Being alone is really hard at first, but it gets better as you go on and on... Maybe one or both of you two never really understood how to be on your own (which, in turn, could explain some of the hardships of your relationship).

 

Regardless of what I have to offer or what others have to offer, just try to keep your chin up and remember that even if it ends, you'll be okay. Everything will pan out one way or another.

[cluelessme]

i have never been married or bear children.

 

but all i know is, relationships should and could be ended just like that, but when it comes to a marriage, especially one that involves children, its always best to try and do EVERYTHING possible to fix it before calling it quites

 

it does sound like you and your sig other need a little break from each other. maybe its just the tremendous amount of stress thats on both of your shoulders? maybe its the overwhelming responsibilities thats been hidden for years? maybe you two have some unsolved problems from before?

 

im sure u have tried and tried.....but i agree w/ the above posters....i think you two should spend some QUALITY alone time together...or take a break (a set time and parameter) from each other...

 

i think that would help...without going thru the actual divorce.

 

good lck to you with w/e you decide on.

[RooferGirl23]

Thats funny everyone mentions a break, we actually DID plan a huge fishing trip, just him and I, we had a sitter and all.... and the day before the trip I find out he has a secret myspace account and he refuses to show it to me, so we had a huge fight and i called off the trip because i knew that I would be thinking about that all during the trip. now, we aren't even speaking.

[Wolf_22]

Thats funny everyone mentions a break, we actually DID plan a huge fishing trip, just him and I, we had a sitter and all.... and the day before the trip I find out he has a secret myspace account and he refuses to show it to me, so we had a huge fight and i called off the trip because i knew that I would be thinking about that all during the trip. now, we aren't even speaking.

 

That damn MySpace... Been there, done that with what you're going through with MySpace, and I'll be frank: if my girlfriend has some stupid crap on the internet that has a damn profile on it, and she doesn't let me look at it, then she's not my girlfriend. Obviously, it wouldn't be an invasion of privacy because it's okay to show others... And for the whole argument on "my own space" or "paranoia", well, of course ANYONE would be paranoid of MySpace! It's practically a classifieds internet website anymore.

 

While I understand that any tool can be misused or abused, there is no excuse for him not allowing you to look at his MySpace. I mean, you two are either "you two" or not. I have lost count of how many relationships I have heard of ending based on issues coming from a MySpace issue... I hate that damn thing.

 

Anyway, sorry for the tangent. As you can tell, I haven't had much luck with the social website. Keep on trying to make it work as the children are a big factor in this. You and him, however, have a lot of things to work out, but if nothing I have said thus far makes much sense, I guarantee you this will:

 

Would you rather your kids live in a family where the mother and father don't talk, or, would you rather your kids live in a family where they have mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (as well as physically) healthy single parents to be with? Sure, divorce sucks, but coming from a divorced family at the age of '5', I can honestly ensure you that there are worse things. There's no sense in the little guys having to go through that B.S. I'm sure you know this.

 

Best wishes.