To Tell or Not to Tell?

[Heidi_]

****Update****

So i asked my aunt over to tell her about this internet guy. Apparently my cousin sensed I was going to tell her soon and beat me to it by telling her last night. I asked my aunt what she thought and what she was going to do and she said she didn't know yet. Excuse me, I don't have children and I know damn well if my child ever did that, lied to me for a year and essentially put my entire family at risk by giving out my personal information to someone on the internet, they would no longer have a life. She should lose her xbox, her tv, her phone and her computer, but has she. Hell no, she still has all of them, and she is still on the phone nonstop with that loser. This infuriates me to no end. I can't believe my aunt is being so effing lenient about this. She is a disgrace as a parent if she doesn't punish her for this.

 

 

 

I am torn about ratting out my 15 year old cousin. In all truth, she should have never lied to begin with, and she lied because she knew her mother would be against it, so from the get go she was in the wrong. If you have any advice or opinion on this matter, please share, it would be much appreciated.

 

My cousin met this guy on the internet in the beginning of 2007. I don’t know the exact details but they began talking on the phone shortly after. A big no no for children playing on the internet, you don’t’ give out personal information that is linked to your address. If her mother knew she would freak out.

 

Well since then the relationship has taken an ugly turn. He is very controlling and emotionally demanding of her. She constantly turns her back on the family in order to please this net fag. He has even promised that when she moves out, he will make sure she never talks to her mother again. Her mother has never done anything to warrant such a punishment from her daughter, and the fact that he would even say that really pissed me off. He is constantly trying to alienate her from her family and fills her head with negativity about everyone but him. She isn’t allowed to really leave her house because she can’t talk to him otherwise. If she does leave she has to call and check in like he is her effing mom or something. I just think that is too controlling and unhealthy. The fact that his number is always private and he lies compulsively also makes me suspicious. He first told me he was 17 now says that he is 15, but sounds much older on the phone. His vocabulary and general knowledge seem to exceed that of a 15-17 year old, but I could be mistaken.

 

I don’t care if my relationship with my cousin is bruised, I don’t like that I know the truth and feel that it should be surfaced before something really takes a turn for the worse.

 

My mother first felt that I should speak up, but has now changed her position to just leave it alone. I just think that if I was a parent, I would want to know who exactly my child was talking to. There is no real way of proving he is who he says he is, and that just leaves an unsettling feeling in me.

 

I could be overreacting, which is why I have turned to an advice forum.

Anything will help.

 

Thanks.

[DN]

Not only should you tell her mother you should also inform the police - this guy is a predator and she is in grave danger - so are any number of other young girls he is trying to seduce, abduct, sexually assault or murder.

 

I am not trying to scare you but this is really serious.

 

Do something now - right now.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You can't leave something like this alone...your cousin is underage and is in way over her head. You need to give the heads up to her mother. If something bad happened to your cousin because of this internet relationship, you would never be able to forgive yourself if you had sat on the information and didn't tell her mother. Sometimes it is important to mix in when you know something is seriously wrong.

[Heidi_]

Her younger brother told me that he saw him on webcam and he looked to be about 18. But I don't know how reliable he is, and I have heard him on the phone, and while he does sound older, he doesn't sound that old.

 

timing is also an issue with telling her mother. her mother had her boyfriend and his two kids move into a small house, so she is very stressed and rarely alone. today she is celebrating christmas with his side of the family and i don't feel it would be appropriate to tell her as she is trying to leave because there will be a devastating explosion if her mother acts irrationally about this.

[girlie-girl]

I think you should tell her mother immediately, no matter what else is going on with the family. What if, God forbid, she meets up with this guy and never comes back? What kind of stress would that give her mother? Sounds to me like he is trouble and all this controlling, demeaning behavior is only going to get worse.

 

What his age is really isn't the issue in my eyes, it's the aforementioned behavior. What purpose does it serve for him to alienate her from her family? Honestly I can't think of one positive reason for that.

 

Tell everything you know and explain what you've seen. Hopefully her mother will be able to take control of this situation before it ends the worst possible way.