Worst moment in my life, EVER: What would you do in my place?

[royksopp]

Hey there. I'm going through one of the worst moments in my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for one year already. We're both 19 years old. I love him with all my heart and I think loving him so much is what got me like this.

The truth is, I'm so in love with him, I do everything for him. In a way, he controls me. I can't go partying with my friends because he gets mad, but I would get mad if he parties with his friends also.

So this is what happened: I've been having this itch that he's cheating on me for a while, but I have no evidence, its just my head and its movies. I've been the same with him and three days ago I talked to him, and I told him I thought he was cheating on me. Well, his friends are the biggest cheaters and players in the world, and he hangs out with them all the time. They're always with girls, which I don't know. I just figure out he's a man, plus peer pressure and women, I really doubt he's being faithful.

Anyway, yesterday I was supposed to pick him up at 10 cause I asked him to go with me to my friend's birthday, just a little while. He told me he would crash there. I want to my friend's birthday with my friends, at 1 I was still waiting for him. My friends were already leaving to party and I wanted to go but I didn't want any problems with my boyfriend, so I called him because I had no more place to go. I mean, my friends are going partying and well I called my boyfriend for me to do something with him, his response was "I'll call you later." So I got really upset, talked with one of my friends and he told me that was a really dependent relationship. After that, he called me and then he was like "So what do you want to do?", and I was really upset and I told him I wouldn't wait for him all the time, that I've been waiting for him since 10 pm and it's 1 am and I call him cause all my friends are going partying and I'm the only STUPID one that wont' go for no having problems with my boyfriend.

You get me? I mean I do so much for him and I don't really know what he does for me.

So, meanwhile, I was with this friend and he told me that 6-8 months ago he saw my boyfriend with another girl. I mean I was about to explode with anger. So, I left, I went to party with my friends. Then he came and talked to me. You know? I've never felt so horrible in my life. You have no idea. I asked him if he cheated on me, he told me he didn't. I asked him why he's such an * * * * * * * and make me wait for him since 10pm, he said it was sorry. But it's not enough, I feel so empty and so hurt. So disappointed and sad. I don't know what to do, cause even though all this happens I love him and I want to be with him, I just don't know if I can, cause my biggest fear is to be cheated on. My biggest fear is to give it all and not receive anything. And he's facing me to my biggest fears.

 

Besides, I'm moving in 2 months to another country for about a year. One month ago, I wanted to be with him even though I'll be moving. Now, I don't. Now, I really don't want to suffer more, but I want to be with him. I know I'm been stupid. I just don't know hat to do. Well, I know I should dump him, but I don't want to. God

[wiser]

I asked him if he cheated on me, he told me he didn't.

 

There is no point in asking a suspected cheater if they are cheating.

 

The answer is always "no".

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I know I should dump him,

 

Exactly! If there is no trust, the relationship isn't healthy. He is not treating you right and you are indeed co-dependent. If you are moving in 2 months, why not focus on the move and your upcoming new life. End the relationship once and for all so that you can focus on the wonderful and exciting future that lies ahead.

[Parsley]

I think the fact that you know you should dump him answers it for you. Your instincts are telling you exactly what to do, do NOT ignore them. I did, a lot, and ended up being hurt more than I care to think about.

 

You are moving away in 2 months time. I would end this sooner rather than later - you don't want to be having to deal with a split in another country, without any of your support system. You'll be coping with missing them, and the fact that they can't be with you while you're hurting will make that all the more apparent. Trust me. I'd just moved back home and away from all my friends when my ex decided to lie to me and deceive me and dump me, in less than a month. I became a recluse, and only left the house to go to work. It was the worst time of my life. Please do not repeat my mistakes!!

 

xx

[JeckyllNHyde]

Yea I agree with all the posters above. Do you really want to be with someone who probably cheated? And then get into a long distance rleationship with them... How the heck do you trust someone miles and miles away and you don't even see each other. He failed to stay faithfull now that you live close. Didnt have consideration to call and made you wait till 1.

I also suggest that in your next relationship you and your future bf dont be so dependant on each other.

Find a nice guy you can trust to begin with. Not someone you think will cheat due to peer pressure.

[definitely_maybe]

The combination of lacking trust in him, and you moving away for a year make me think that you should break it off.

[lightn]

Break it off and look forward to the move to another country. NOt only that you stated he is controlling you. That is not good and once you move you will feel better no one controlling you. IF you suspect he is cheating then he is and not giving you the answers or talking to you about it he is in denial.

 

Good luck with your move and if you are afraid of his reaction, go NC once you move.

[ghost69]

sounds like you are realizing this guy isn't good for you. at 19, a year long relationship can mean a lot. i know. as an outside perspective, you need to get out of this relationship. you are a good looking girl, if that is your pic, you can find another guy no problem. someone that wants to spend time with you, isn't late, isn't aloof, etc.

 

everyone needs to get away and just have fun with the girls/boys. but getting jealous when you do it, that needs to stop. it isn't healthy at all. displays no trust and jealousy.