My husband is a pathological liar - jeez what's so hard about telling the truth?

[hurtabandoned]

I have been with my husband for 10 years. He has a serious fibbing problems. (which he blames on me)

 

Over the past year it has gotten increasingly worse. The things he lies about are serious. He lost his job a while back and our bills began to pile up. He wouldn't spend much time looking for work - spent more time in the bed & watching tv. Of course being a stay at home mom of 2 children this made me angry that he wasn't trying very hard. So what does he do, he comes home and tells me of this job that pays 10hr driving a forklift. He has to be trained to do so - I gave him my babysitting money for books and drug test.

 

Well, he drug this out for 3 weeks - books didn't come in. Finally passed test and had a start date - and of course that was changed. I didn't believe him and asked him all along if there was a job - "yes, it's real" he said. Well on the day he was supposed to go in it all came out - I asked him to take me by there. He couldn't because he made it up.

 

He spent 3 weeks doing next to nothing - bills got so far behind we were evicted. With help, we moved. He did find work but lost it - legitimately. Well, to make a long story short - he made up another job - wasting 3 more weeks.

 

Landlord wanted rent - he went out to find help in paying. He said a church was going to pay a month & utility bill - gave him a check to mail - guess what - reality company didn't get it and why - another lie!

 

He has a job now and is working good hours but he lied and said he was getting a sign on bonus.

 

If I wrote about everything I would be here all day.

 

And get this - it's my fault - because of my mouth he says. My opinion is that if he didn't do this junk - I wouldn't be mad and he wouldn't here it. I think I have the right to be angry when he's playing games - there are children involved.

[DN]

I could not live with someone who lied like this - no matter what the reason. I could never trust anything that was said.

 

And to turn it all on to you is equally unacceptable.

 

So - can you continue to live like this?

[flower99]

holy crap....wow...I second DN's post.

I could not live with someone who lived even half this much....can you continue to live like this??

and what are you kids learning from him?

[blender]

Well it's up to you now to set some boundaries, standards and values for your own heart and for those of your precious children. Gather up all your courage, make a plan, get some help from family and friends, know where you will go and how you will make it one day at a time AFTER you leave him, but FIRST, ask him if he is ready to stop lying and go to counseling to help resolve the issues and live in the truth and if he says 'no' then you walk away with your children and tell him when and if he's ever ready to live in a mature honest way then you will be willing to talk to him but until then YOU have to do what is best for your future and that of your precious chlidren, and you doing so out of love. And you hope he seeks the help he needs.

 

Staying now and allowing this "pattern/habit' to continue is not self loving or loving towards him either... it's time to set some boundaries to help yourself and to hopefully urge him to seek some help.

[Empathy]

It is my belief that individuals who lie to this extent need professional help. You might want to suggest that. Although I don't see him being too receptive to the idea. Of course if he did agree to get help, you'd have to be at the appointments with him to make sure he actually went! Jeeze. I couldn't live like that either. I sincerely hope you get this worked out soon. I can't stand lying.

[DN]

The problem with liars is that you can't believe anything they say - it becomes a recurring problem. So even if he went to therapy there is no guarantee that he will tell the truth as to why he lies and thereforeeee any 'cure' would be suspect.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

He sounds very childish. He doesn't sound like a very dependable father. My question is, how are you getting along without any income? How are you eating and the children being clothed, etcetera? If he's not the type of person to hold a job, than how can you depend on him to take care of you and the kids?

 

From reading your post, you don't sound very happy. If I were in your position, I would leave him and get my life together. I think you should move out and find a job, so you can start taking care of your children on your own. Your children shouldn't be around him. He doesn't seem very stable at the moment.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This man is not only destroying himself, but you and the children as well. Like the other posters, I would strongly urge you to think about getting out of this marriage. He is pulling you down. The fact that he even blames his lying on you shows how really really sick he is.

[southerngirl]

I couldnt do it.

 

What about you getting a job, I see your a stay at home mom? Get a stable job and then make plans to move on.

 

Hes a liar and liars cant be trusted. I think thats what I would do.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

This man is not only destroying himself, but you and the children as well. Like the other posters, I would strongly urge you to think about getting out of this marriage. He is pulling you down. The fact that he even blames his lying on you shows how really really sick he is.

 

Agree 100%...Can't give you helpful post replies because it says "spread it around"...ahahha

[hurtabandoned]

We are on public assistance for our food and WIC for the baby's milk - he gets money here and there from relatives but not enough to pay for everything.

 

I'm currently taking online classes in Information Technology. I have joint issues so I'm retraining this way - used to be in retail but can't do it anymore. I get Pell grant checks that help out. Unfortunately, my car is of no use anymore. He is able to walk to work. I have to get a car with the next check.

 

I agree that I can't do this anymore. I'm always on edge and worrying about what he's going to do next. It's so stressful and I'm tired of it. I just want a normal boring life without all of this drama. I wish for one moment that he could feel what it was like to have to live like this.

 

I don't know how receptive he would be in getting help. I think he would first have to realize how his lies impact me and the kids. I think he's in denial of how damaging it is.

[JadedStar]

I truly believe there are people out there with some type of disorder that causes them to just lie about everything - even minscule things that didn't warrant a lie at all. I've seen these types of people in my lifetime. I am certainly not giving them an excuse - being able to trust your partner is a huge component of a healthy relationship - but I truly do think there must be some type of disorder that causes this. Reason being is that these folks often lie about the most minscule of things as much or more than big things.

 

 

I have no idea what this type of disorder is called but i truly do believe that one exists. I am not talking about the person who cheats and does wrong things and lies to cover it up i am talking about the truly PATHOLOGICAL liar who is almost driven to tell a story no matter what the circumstances.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

It sounds like you'll do fine without him and by staying with him, it'll just be another mouth to feed...I'm not saying your 'children's father" is useless or NOT worth your time, but he needs to straighten his life out, so he doesn't mess up yours and your children's. They deserve to be stable, and by counting on him, it hasn't ended up that way.

 

Does he do drugs? Drink? I mean, what does he do in his spare time? We know you take online classes and take care of the children, but what does he do? He must have a pretty sheltered life...

[hurtabandoned]

The only thing he does in his spare time is sleep, watch tv or movies on the computer. He at one point was addicted to prescription drugs-something else he told lies about.

 

I think, that he thinks that this is a normal way to behave. He just seems to spew stuff out of his mouth. He does it without thinking or considering the consequences. If it gets him what he wants then he just does it. I can't even begin to understand his twisted sense logic.

 

Something is going to have to give here because if I allow it to continue he will just keep on doing it 'cause he can.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

The only thing he does in his spare time is sleep, watch tv or movies on the computer. He at one point was addicted to prescription drugs-something else he told lies about.

 

I think, that he thinks that this is a normal way to behave. He just seems to spew stuff out of his mouth. He does it without thinking or considering the consequences. If it gets him what he wants then he just does it. I can't even begin to understand his twisted sense logic.

 

Something is going to have to give here because if I allow it to continue he will just keep on doing it 'cause he can.

 

Exactly, if he'll say what he can to get his way, what makes you think that he isn't only using you? I mean, you're the one paying for everything, NOT HIM..You're going to school to try and better your life, NOT him...What's going to happen when you graduate?? Are you supposed to take care of him?

 

What do you guys talk about? Do you guys ever discuss what he is going to contribute to the relationship and to his childrens welfare? I mean, sooner or later, or your children will be old enough to ask for questions and stuff...Is this how you want them to see him? Or you with him?

[redrose85]

OP- You've got to get out of this situation. I was in the same situation (moved 5 times in two years with him) and almost brought children into the mess that was my life with a pathological liar. You already have children of course, but they will be better off just with you, and hopefully their dad will get himself straightened out. I can relate to how hard it is to be told lies and stories about everything and anything, and if you need to talk or vent, I am here for you. k?