Moving on too fast?

[hmdreamer7]

Hi, this is my first post.

 

I broke up with my fiance about a month ago. I initiated the breakup but only after finding out that he was lying about what he was doing, and also really wanted to break up with me but he didn't have the guts to do it. I found out through His email(Unfortunately I also still check his email and it's still hard for me to let go), promptly returned his ring, and we haven't spoken since.

 

What really bothers me is how he could stop loving me, not want to get married... and NOT tell me for so long? How could someone I've known for 3 years feel that uncomfortable talking to me?

 

One of the things I found out was that he has already been 'working on' two other girls for the past 2 months(just email conversations, but long emails that he would only ever write to someone he was interested in). I'm not claiming cheating here, but I feel cheated out of our relationship by his wanting to move on so quickly. Why would anyone want to move so fast after a breakup?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I know this is hard for you but the fact is that he was probably exiting the relationship in his mind for some time before the actual break-up. So for him he is over it much more quickly because he started long before you.

 

The best thing for you is to get through the healing process as fast as you can and find happiness with someone else.

[emalkoc]

I feel your pain.. I think dumpers move on so fast because they have moved on long time ago..They just dont tell us at that moment....they were hiding it from the guilt feeling...

 

As soon as they feel they are secured, they move on to next person without looking back...

 

move on...

[EmilyE]

so in this case would u say that the 'new' relationship that the dumper is in is a rebound or a legit relationship?

[Suesser Tod]

so in this case would u say that the 'new' relationship that the dumper is in is a rebound or a legit relationship?

 

Probably legit. When I dumped my ex I moved on to a new relationship quite fast, I was in another relationship within two months. However, I had no feelings whatsoever for the ex, so the new relationship wasn't close to being a rebound, it was a full blown relationship that has ended and, well, I had never been hurt like this before.

[MaNg0s]

I don't mean to sound rude but it seemed to him the relationship was over for him a long time ago. It could be a number of things like a fear of commitment. I am sorry that he was so gutless about it.

[Confused13]

Hi there,

 

Why are you still checking his e-mail? This TOTALLY unacceptable behaviour. You are not together, and you had no right to check it while you were!!!

 

You are only torturing yourself further.

 

The guy did not cheat on you, fair enough he should have spoken to you as soon as he had doubts but maybe he also wasn't sure what he wanted. I'm sure you have made up his mind for him now though by prying.

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I have been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour where someone thought it was ok to pry into confidential materials, I hadn't made up my mind but when I found out about is actions I never looked back and yes I moved on pretty quick cause I was under the impression I wasn't leaving much behind after his behaviour.

 

Just wanted to throw an alternative light on the situation.

[hmdreamer7]

Hi Confused13,

 

I appreciate the bluntness and you're right, I shouldn't be looking at his email now, since we are no longer together. The reason I even had access to it in the first place was because a long time ago, he gave me his password because he "didn't want to hide anything from me," but apparently he changed his mind.

 

I want to thank everyone else for their comments as well, everyone's been really helpful and thank you for taking the time to read my post.

 

hmdreamer7