Ex sending texts situation

[Wakingdream]

I'll try to keep this brief.

 

Broke up with her in late September.

 

Since then there's been periods of NC (longest being 3 weeks, typically a week or 2) but essentially we've been in LC with her always initiating contact...and then I'll reciprocate.

 

She's called me 4 or 5 times and we have short converstations and she'll usually end it saying, "I'll call you back/tomorrow"...and I won't hear from her until she calls/texts again. I don't call her back as I feel she won't answer or if I leave a message, she won't call back.

 

She'll also text. She text a 'Happy Thanksgiving' on Thanksgiving and I sent a 'Happy Thanksgiving' back. Nothing more. Then a couple days later she called and we had one of those short conversations.

 

We'll also text back and forth some silly inside jokes that we used to tell eachother.

 

A few days before Christmas she sends me some sexually explicit joke. This wasn't some weird behavior as we have similiar senses of humor and did it during our time together. So I send one back her way. No further communication that day.

 

I was expecting a 'Merry Christmas' from her on Christmas day but it never came and I wasn't about to initiate.

 

But...the day after Christmas, she sends me the same exact sex joke I sent her several days prior. I know she knows I sent that to her, she's just messing with me or something....

 

She's told me she's currently seeing someone. But in one of our short conversations, she didn't sound too happy with him, even saying she wasn't sure she was really seeing him after she said she was.

 

I do still have feelings for her but I just don't know where I stand as I don't wanna sound desperate if I were to ask. I also have noticed that the periods of NC do help but I do miss her and when she initiates contact, I want to respond out of hope that she'll want to see me.

 

So yeah...why would a woman that is supposedly in a relationship, continue to initiate contact with an ex? Further, why send sexually explicit jokes and stuff?

[lizer]

you dumped her. you havent intiated ANY contact with herwhatsoever. and you're too afraid to 'put yourself out there' by showing your true feelings for her? so instead you just sit back and reply if she goes out of her way to talk to you? you dumped her, shouldnt you be the one doing the work?

[DN]

But...the day after Christmas, she sends me the same exact sex joke I sent her several days prior.

Is it possible you are on a list of people that she sends jokes to? That might explain why you got that one back if she forwarded your joke to people on her list.

[Wakingdream]

you dumped her. you havent intiated ANY contact with herwhatsoever. and you're too afraid to 'put yourself out there' by showing your true feelings for her? so instead you just sit back and reply if she goes out of her way to talk to you? you dumped her, shouldnt you be the one doing the work?

 

I don't want to give the whole long sordid tale but she was staying with me and I asked her to leave. She has kinda a troubled past and hangs out with a bad crowd and get in bad situations with them. I'm stable, live in a nice place, have a steady job, good family/friends, ect (not perfect by any means but polar opposite from what she's familiar with)...she liked this about me as it finally gave her stability and a chance to get away from things that brought her down. She ofter said I gave her 'hope'.

 

Initially, she avoided the bad people in her life but eventually starting communicating with them.

 

I eventually just had to get away from it as she continued to go out partying staying out all night (without me) and hanging out with losers going nowhere in life. I'm talking about drug dealers and people who've spent time in prision. She was completely reverting to her old behaviors that have brought upon her so much trouble. Outside of physical restraint, which I would never do...I just had to separate myself from the situation/her.

 

I know there's good in her as when we did spend time together and she was away from these people she can be a kind and compassionate person I just grew tired of waiting for the potential I saw to emerge.

 

I'm thinking as she's now with some guy (with a tattoo on his face no less) in a bad part of town (her words) she's realizing what she missed out on and is having second thoughts.

 

Is it possible you are on a list of people that she sends jokes to? That might explain why you got that one back if she forwarded your joke to people on her list.

 

This is possible but the joke was worded slightly differently and the punctuation was all messed up.

[reasonablegirl]

Stop answering her calls and responding to her texts. She clearly needs to make some major changes in her life and so long as she believes that you are still around for her, she has no reason to really make those changes. Her calls and texts are to reassure herself that you are still there if she decides to come back and claim she has changed. But she is not going to change or do any introspective thinking about who she is and what she needs to do to become a stable person if you are still around to give her what she thinks is a safety net.

 

Time to cut the apron strings and let her find herself. She knows what you need her to do in order to be in a relationship with her. Let her know that you are unwilling to have anything to do with her until she gets serious about changing. She may never change but if she doesn't, you know you can't have a relationship with the person she is right now anyway.

[Wakingdream]

You're right.

 

I'm worried that if I was to ignore her, she would stop initiating contact with me...but that might actually be the best thing that could happen.

 

My feelings for her have definitely lessened over the past few months. There's some still there but with complete NC, in time she would be nothing but a memory.

 

To be blunt, though I asked her to leave, she treated me like crap. I reacted strongly when I asked her to leave but it was after a long period of being treated poorly. I deserve better.

[cptanarky]

i got similar thing dude.. my ex texts my all time all tho she is in a relationship with another guy (happens to be a former friend of mine) however she is constantly texting me about random crap and missing me.... i have been answering them lately and it has been making me feel much worse.... i find it very hard to do it myself but if you wana get over her IGNORE them totally and she will get the picture... u deserve better and so do i man so be strong.