I am going all out.

[MNmike]

I believe I am going to do what some may or may not think is a good thing.

 

Refresher: Togethr almost five years, last year long distance. My long distance break up was mainly because I did not let her know just how much I love her. I did not move and did not let her know I had been thinking about it ever since she moved, and she has every right to feel let down and believe I didn't care enough to do what ever it takes to be together.

 

A year ago she was happy and loved me enough to ask me to move 500 miles away, live with her while she was in grad school and to get her phd for 4 years, and that meant going with her where ever life would take us after. So I know she loved/loves me.

 

Its been a month and I still have not truley told her how I REALLY feel. I have been bad at that since we met, even after we got back together from a break in 05. I've been playing more understanding, and trying to respect her descision.

 

So I am planning on doing one last thing, lay it all out on the table, every single thing I feel for her and this breakup. At this point I have nothing to lose, and am going to do all that I possible can to truly get it ALL OUT there. We broke up over the phone. Not right in my book.

 

I am going figure out all I need to say, just how real and substantial my feeling are for her, jump in my car and drive that 500 miles, and let her know for once face to face.

What she does really doesn't matter at this point, if I don't let her know now, I'll always wonder, does she truley know? I'll go insane.

 

Am I crazy?, maybe. But I'd rather go down in flames, than sitting on my lame ass waitnig for something to happen.

[Little Blue Ant]

whats the real reason you two broke up? I wouldn't rush to contact her just yet...

[MNmike]

I didn't move when she asked, and I didn't let her know that I ever wanted too. I think I was afraid of the magnatude of that, the commitment involved. She cared about me enough and wanted me there. Also the long distance started to cause problems, we didn't see eachother enough, once again she said I didn't tell her how I feel, which is essentially true. Me afraid again, to completely open myself up like that. She felt like I didn't care, and she was not happy. In our first conversation before we broke up, she said she didn't want to have to ask me to come see her, and she felt like she was pestering me. Also her professor asked her one day how I felt about moving when she got a job, she said she didn't know what to say, and it started her thinking that I was never ging to move for her. I always went to see her on my own will, I wanted to, she said she would plan weeks in advance to come see me, but I didn't seem to be as excited about it, I was planning on seeing her on thanksgiving, but waited until 3 days before to tell her, the day she called and said we needed to talk. So I realize completely why she felt like she did. I screwed up a few times. But always loved being with her. I'm just not good about saying how I felt.

 

So I feel she should know, I have to be completely honest, like I never have before. Its been a month since the breakup, and I really have not told her everthing I have wanted to. We only talked twice since. The first time was not very long, and really didn't go too well. She stated some of her feelings as to why this happened. The last time was last night. Very short, said she thought it would feel weird if we saw eachother over Christmas, since she was here, and that next time when she was here she would call me and we could then see eachother.

She is now seeing some one, that she didn't tell me, but I know. I feel If I do not tell her how I really feel, it will make it easier for her to just move on, with out really knowing the truth from me. It also may make no difference at all. Or even piss her off.

 

Or do I just quit and leave her be? That to me does not feel right. After I let her know my feelings, I'll leave her alone. I don't expect her jump and say I love you. I just want her to know. Maybe for my own piece of mind.

 

maybe this whole idea will blow over by tomorrow. I've just felt wrong about some things since this happened, mainly not being able to have a serious talk in person.

[Little Blue Ant]

I hear ya. There's so many things I would have done different in retrospect. I think you have a right to tell her how you feel, and if it helps you get closure from all this then go ahead. The only thing is, driving 500 miles to get the door slammed on your face isn't going to feel good. I would arrange something. Call her up, or email, whatever, and tell her you'll be in town and would like to take her out to coffee or something casual. If she's really seeing someone else, he won't like it one bit. I know I didn't with my ex's ex, but oh well. You guys have a long history together and thats worth getting your feelings out.

 

If I were you, I would also do PLENTY of research online about how to communicate properly. Its obvious you have an issue with expressing yourself, so prepare yourself to talk like you have never talked before. Don't ever get upset with her reactions, don't question her reactions, let her know that she can tell you what ever she wants to tell you without any guilt at all. Let it all out, and when she does, JUST LISTEN. Don't jump in, don't cut her off, just listen. If she asks a Q, answer the Q, but let her get back to talking.

 

There's plenty of info on communication - do your homework. She's be impressed, at the very least.

 

Good luck!

[circi]

Get in your car and go. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

 

If the problem was as you said, then making such a grand gesture will go a HUGE way towards showing your commitment even if your words don't come out right when you get there.

 

If she turns you down, then you know you did everything you could and can move on with that knowledge.

 

Best of luck!!

[MNmike]

I called and she agreed to see me tomorrow. 3 hours later she called and said it wasn't a good idea. So I told her everything I had been feeling. I opened my heart like I never have.

 

She said, its too late. She can't do it. Basically I didn't do " all the little things". She also brought up a few weird things from years ago, that I guess she took much more personally than I thought. For instance, she enjoys talking politics, I do not, apparently that means I think she sucks, but its really just different likes. Wow, she held on to every little thing I didn't know I did wrong. How could anyone ever be in a long term, or marrage when you can't let go of past disappointments. I feel like there was a whole different person there the entire time that she kept a secret from me. I can't be that clueless?

 

Shes in for a big surprize when the new guy doesn't agree with everything, and the lovey dovey stage wears off, or if he does play her puppet, she'll get tired of that too. I don't care who you are or how happy your relationship, everyone annoys eachother in some way, and will not agree on everything, its being human.

 

Ok, I'm done now. Its over, I spilled my guts. She knows it all. She says no. Like they say "if it was meant to be. It would be"

 

No more contact with her. And when she calls, as she said she would when she was here next. I believe I will not answer. Said shes happier now. Well she can't be with someone and have me as a friend. Just don't work that way. I she doesn't want me, or feel like I do, after all I layed my heart on the line, and she refused. I know I caused alot of this to happen, the fact remains she didn't tell me how she was feeling, and was unwilling to work through it. Hell, she dumped ME and I was still willing to do whatever it takes to make HER happy. My intentions were true, shes "moved on".

 

She tried to give me the impression that she is sooo happy now, the other guy is just perfect.

Yeh, it hurts, but I know theres alot of crap in that too. I heard it before, with the girl I was with before her. 5 months later she was calling me wanting to see me. Cause she was thinking about me the entire time she was with Mr. Perfect. Whatever.

 

So I'm I 'm pissed, and it really hurt to hear some of the things she said. But I know where its at, and it never will be again. I know some more sad days are ahead of me. But I feel like I have a little closure now. Still sad, still hurt, but time to start getting myself back together. Wish me luck guys, I'm going to need it.

[v-neck]

Are we dating the same girl? My old gf said things to me while our last phone call that was done 4 years ago! The best line she gave me was, I stayed on the phone with you for hours listening to your problems and I had to study, what else was there... we're not compatible, I would be happy for you if you found someone else... those were the same quotes from the breakup 2 years ago!...

[MNmike]

I think its also ironic how she KNOWS what a good relationship is all about.

 

Her parents: never compromised, fought, and ignored eachother. And eventually divorced.

 

So its obvious to me that she has a few issued concerning relationships. Yet she would never admit that she may be wrong. Not about anything. Always knows whats right and whats wrong. I actually forsee, even if I did do what ever I could, it evntually would not have been enough, or the wright thing in the end. Makes me sad, that she felt that way, that she was hurt by me, when I didn't even know what I was doing was so hurtful to her. Guess thats what happens when communication is not enough. Sometimes I think she was just looking for reasons to feel hurt. Taking many things too personally.

 

Here is a rediculous thing she said to me tonight, I was floored. She made a comment that in the last presidantial election I didn't even vote. I asked what that had to with anything, how that could be taken personal. She said it was personal, because that was something very important to her. I still am baffled by that one. Thats a choice not a relationship requirement.

 

I think she believes a true partner will do whatever she thinks is right, and like it. If not they don't love her. Sounds a little imature, and she is 27. But I could ramble all night and I need to sleep, if I can. I feel a littel better knowing the absolute truth about my situation, but still feel sad and will miss her like so very much. Still seems not real at times that this girl I thought I knew so well for so long is out of my life completely, and in someone elses already. Just sucks to think about. "don't think, don't think"

 

ok bye for now

[v-neck]

I know what you're going through, I'll sometimes have this over-coming feeling hit me, after all those years, all that time spent together and the seriousness of our relationship, she can just shut down. How does someone just turn another off? I figure it's something that isn't done over-night or in a week, but within months. With my old girl, she never said to me, 'hey I got a problem with this or that, let's talk' nnever... it was a bunch of bullsh!t like 'I can't hangout tonight i'm just going to hang out with my friend' or she just simply hit the voicemail button on her phone when I called and ignored me completely. That right there is what messes with your head, try to stay sane bro, that's the best advice I can give. Once you feel better then move on, don't try to move on to fast, just let it all sink in and get through it, later.

 

`v-neck

[MNmike]

How does someone just turn another off? I figure it's something that isn't done over-night or in a week, but within months. With my old girl, she never said to me, 'hey I got a problem with this or that, let's talk' never...

 

`v-neck

 

Same here. She always came off as happy. She held on to problems she had until it made her feel like the only way to make things better, was to just get out of the relationship. Rather than face the issues and tell me, so we could fix it.

 

What kind of person could ever make that situation work?