What are "normal" dating steps?

[daisy77]

I'm not the most experienced at dating. I was in a long term relationship and once that ended I wasn't ready to date for some time. I wouldn't call the relationship a good experience -- it wasn't a healthy one.

 

I have been seeing someone on and off for the past few months. He's a lot of fun to be with and he's a nice guy and he seems to like me a lot.

 

We're very different. He's very confident, outgoing and sure of himself. I'm shy, quiet and insecure when it comes to dating.

 

I don't know what the "normal" steps are to dating. I guess normal is different for everyone, but what would you say is typical? He wants to spend a lot of time with me which I know isn't a bad thing, but I'm used to not seeing someone and I'm not sure how to let someone in.

 

I enjoy his company, but find myself overwhelmed and am wondering if I should take it as a sign that he's not the one for me. I mean, shouldn't I want to spend as much time with him as he does with me instead of being nervous by it? How often do you see someone you're really interested in?

 

I feel very confused. I know this post is vague, but I'm lost and need some advice.

[elveden]

I don't know what the "normal" steps are to dating. I guess normal is different for everyone, but what would you say is typical? He wants to spend a lot of time with me which I know isn't a bad thing, but I'm used to not seeing someone and I'm not sure how to let someone in.

 

I enjoy his company, but find myself overwhelmed and am wondering if I should take it as a sign that he's not the one for me. I mean, shouldn't I want to spend as much time with him as he does with me instead of being nervous by it? How often do you see someone you're really interested in?

 

I feel very confused. I know this post is vague, but I'm lost and need some advice.

 

Don't worry

 

There are no 'normal steps' to dating. It has to be something in which you both actively participate at your own speed. As long as you're both comfortable, it doesn't matter what happens when or in what order.

 

If you're not as keen to spend loads of time with him as he is then tell him that, just make sure he knows that you are interested and you're not pushing him away.. he'll understand.

 

Let the relationship take it's own course, don't try to plan or control the 'steps' which you both take, or you'll end up doing it wrong It has to be something which you allow to happen, not force.

 

Hope this helps, let us know what happens

[daisy77]

Thanks elveden.

 

I got a bit emotional when I read your first line "Don't worry". I worry way too much and am worrying about this a lot.

 

If he doesn't understand that I'm not as keen to spend lots of time with him, but that I am still interested, do you think it's best I put an end to it altogether?

[elveden]

In my opinion, if he doesn't possess the capacity to understand your perfectly reasonable expectations, then I would consider whether he is a suitable partner.

 

You're not asking a lot from him, so one can't help assume that he will be as selfish when it comes to more serious factors in your hypothetical relationship.

 

Trust me when I say, you will find people who are far more understanding

[ghost69]

take it at your own pace. if you want to see him once a week, see him once a week. if once a month, do that. if he doesn't like your pattern, it won't work out. nothing wrong with that.