Does she miss intimacy with me? Let's find out!

[fivespot]

Well, this is probably the weakest moment I've had post breakup.

 

I literally didn't sleep for a second last night. Before I went to bed, I was deleting all my old email messages from the past year from my bulk inbox when I stumbled accross all our "dirty" love emails.

 

It hit me like a ton of bricks falling on my head. It made me realize what I had and lost (she dumped me, btw) and I never felt so alone before in my life...not even when she initially dumped me!

 

I guess you could say I was having an anxiety attack of sorts, because my heart was racing so fast that I could feel my pulse in my head, my stomach was in knots, I had terrible indigestion and heartburn, and on top of all that I had a headache, plus all the open wounds of heartbreak were back. And this was all night!

 

Next, on the radio today I heard one of our songs and I lost it.

 

Technically, we're in NC, even though we've contacted each other for a few minutes to wish each other a happy christmas.

 

So today, I finally break down and send her sms asking if she ever thinks about the intimacy we used to share. We haven't been physical since the summer, but I asked her if she ever thinks about it anymore. She used to say the way I used to kiss her was enough for her to fall in love with me. She said of all the bfs she had, I was the only one that ever made her feel truly loved. She said I was the only one who could see into her soul when we made love.

 

So, obviously I'm really upset, especially after reading all that stuff in our old emails.

 

But now I feel even worse for sending her that text and she hasn't responded! It doesn't matter if she misses it or not because it's over and done with now, but I have such a hard time convincing myself I'll ever love someone as much as I did her...

[Hope75]

Aww- don't beat yourself up. We've all done things we regret in a moment of weakness.

 

The bad about that kind of stuff is that if she doesn't respond, it leaves you feeling worse.

 

Try to let it go and keep on with your life- you guys have been broken up for awhile.

 

Hang in there, friend.

[maxo]

Okay...

 

I had a gf that did this.

 

Then she cheated. Told me she felt horrible about it but wanted to keep me in her life as well as the other guy. I tried to leave several times and she kept begging me to come back. I could see why she had trouble. I was a rocket in the sack and a great listener and gave great massages. He was rich- worth a couple million bucks- and had a lot of business connections and was helping her business grow.

 

I had to know the truth. So I left a DVR behind the couch. I waited and one day she left her email account up and I read it.

 

It shocked me.

 

The truth even SHE hadn't admitted to me or the other guy. She had actually cheated with SIX other guys (that made it to emails- probably there were others) including two while she was cheating with me as #1 and the other guy as #2. During the height of me and "#2" being in agony, she spun up #3 (I guess to make her feel good).

 

And to all of them.. i found emails that said things like

 

"of all the bfs she had, I was the only one that ever made her feel truly loved."

"I was the only one who could see into her soul when we made love."

 

And she was ALL of our "girl/baby girl/your girl/"Bill's Girl".

And she "more later XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'd" ALL of us.

And there were at least five other phrases that made me feel very special which she used for ALL of us.

 

The worst of it was that she was telling us ALL that she loved us and so we were all telling her we loved her. She presented each of us with our ideal woman. She got attention, food, affection, gifts, help with her business, help with decisions when she got stuck with fear, help with her car when it broke. She gave us a lot for it- but it was all a lie- an illusion.

 

So females learn the buttons to push that makes a guy feel special and she will use them again and again and again. Guys who are successful lothario's do the same thing to women. They have absolutely no problem lying and so they can comfortably lie to many people and everyone is happy as long as the truth does not come out.

 

My relationship with this girl was better than any other real relationship because she treated me like a sycophant and from what I could see just worshiped me, went along with almost any sexual whim, and hung on every word of wisdom I gave.

 

And did so with all five other guys too.

 

Even knowing the truth, it was very hard to give her up- because she still offered to treat me that way if I would stay.

[-BK-]

That is rough fivespot. I absolutely know what it's like to be in a moment of weakness. Yesterday I started deleting my ex's e-mails from a folder that I had on my work computer. It tore me up a little just reading simple things like "Good Morning" or "Hey Babe". It brought me back to the feeling of security that I had and excitement that I felt when I would get a simple e-mail from her. So I can totally sympathize with what you are going through. The lesson that we all need to take from this is try as hard as we can NOT to break down when we're down. Those are the times it's hardest not to send a text or e-mail. But, as we have seen over and over, we end up with no reply or something worse... and it makes us feel worse. I'm sorry that you sent the text and haven't heard from her. It doesn't feel good.

 

The good news is that it's just a minor setback, you are here talking it out, and you will feel better. The last two days for me have sucked as well man, and I'm using eNA to help me pull through it.

[glimmerofhope]

Thank you for sharing, fivespot. This happens to us all. While I know--firsthand--how tough it is after having made a gesture like that, at least it serves as a kind of slap in the face to snap you back in to reality.

 

Try to think of it as just another step along the road to recovery. It's a bumpy road sometimes, but progress is progress, whatever form it takes.

[fivespot]

...we end up with no reply or something worse... and it makes us feel worse. I'm sorry that you sent the text and haven't heard from her. It doesn't feel good.

 

Hey BK! Well, I actually worded it to sound like I'm disappointed that I haven't heard anything, but in reality, I'm a little relieved.

 

What I'm upset about most is that I broke down and sent it when I should have done nothing. It's going to set me back in my healing whether she replies or not (probably better if she doesn't reply...in the long run, anyway).

 

But to be honest, I wanted to send something like that along, just in case it's true that she can't picture me as her bf anymore. Because at one time, she could and did, and even though she did lie to me constantly, it is true that she was attracted to me at one point, and I don't want her to forget that, regardless of what she's trying to make herself believe now.

 

She said some things (that she's now apologized for) like she never loved me, was never attracted to me, etc. And if the new years is minus her, well at least I'd like for our last contact to be bittersweet, in that I miss being close to her, but I see no point dwelling in the past and I'm moving on now.

 

It's true I wanted her to say she misses everything, blah blah blah, but I'm going in circles whenever I talk to her anyway. And even if she did say she missed it all and we ended up back together, we'd eventually slip into the same exact cycle, as we've done so many times in the past.

 

Maxo, though I'm not proud of this, I went through her phone (without her knowing) right before we broke up officially. I was reading texts she sent her new lover and they were exact copies of what she sent me when we first got together. I wondered if she had those templates saved in her phone, because I mean they were IDENTICAL to the ones she used to send me. Same lines and everything.

 

Thanks for replying everyone. You are all right about everything. And I'm going to try to not let this thing set me back. All the emails are now deleted and I have nothing left to remind me of her (except a pair of sneakers she bought me) but they're brand new and I'm not about to throw them out, lol!

 

But let's just say I'm looking forward to a new year without her in it, and I'm hopeful I'll find someone that actually loves me this time.

[auburnslp]

"But to be honest, I wanted to send something like that along, just in case it's true that she can't picture me as her bf anymore. Because at one time, she could and did, and even though she did lie to me constantly, it is true that she was attracted to me at one point, and I don't want her to forget that, regardless of what she's trying to make herself believe now."

 

 

Lied to you constantly? Ughhh. I just divorced a woman like that. Dude you are so much better off now without her.

 

You don't want her to forget that she was once attracted to you? Why? What does it matter? Who cares?

 

If she lied to you all the time and then left for another, brother, you should just thank your lucky stars that she is gone. I know it's hard-believe me I do. But in time you will look back and thank God for the fact that she is gone, leaving you to find a sweet girl who would never even think of treating you that way...

 

Does she remember how she felt about you? Probably not. Sounds like she is an "all about me" person. So, who cares what she thinks? Someone else's problem now, and that's the way to look at it.

[fivespot]

Lied to you constantly? Ughhh. I just divorced a woman like that. Dude you are so much better off now without her.

 

You don't want her to forget that she was once attracted to you? Why? What does it matter? Who cares?

 

If she lied to you all the time and then left for another, brother, you should just thank your lucky stars that she is gone. I know it's hard-believe me I do. But in time you will look back and thank God for the fact that she is gone, leaving you to find a sweet girl who would never even think of treating you that way...

 

Does she remember how she felt about you? Probably not. Sounds like she is an "all about me" person. So, who cares what she thinks? Someone else's problem now, and that's the way to look at it.

 

Hey auburnslp, sorry to hear about your divorce.

 

But you couldn't possibly be any more right about the "all about me" thing! That's all she cared about. And for as twisted as this might sound, she doesn't want a relationship with me because she like all the attention she gets from other guys. I guess I wasn't enough...she likes to be the center of attention when she hits the bars.

 

She lied to me when she said she loved me and was in love with me. Because later, at the end of the whole thing, she said she never loved me, was never in love with me, and was never attracted to me.

 

Your right...why should I care about what she thinks now? Because I'm sure once I'm over her I won't care at all. But right now, the best feeling in the world would be for me to know she realized she gave up something really great.

 

For as much as I don't want to care, I do. I want her to know she threw away the best love she ever had. That's the one good thing about leaving and never looking back...it makes the time we spent together all the more precious since it will never be like that again.

 

There's nothing we can regret if we tried our best. If they gave up on us, well then let them have regret someday!

[auburnslp]

Yes-good outlook, good attitude. And as far as them having regrets someday? Maybe they will, maybe they won't. But in the grand scheme of things-who cares? We are SO much better off without them!!!!! So now is a time to be looking at all the selfishness and negative things they brought into our lives and be thankful that they are gone. You will be fine, and happy, and will be able one day soon to look back and feel relief that it ended-just like I do.

[auburnslp]

Dude-trust me-on an old cliche'...there are more (and much better) fish in the sea. I have learned this to be true-and it's an easy lesson when we get done with a selfish, lying, self-centered, miserable person. That's how it was with the ex at least. Now I meet and date and actually am dating this sweet, kind nurse-who so far is "all about you", and it's a Hell of a refreshing change!!!

[fivespot]

...you will be fine, and happy, and will be able one day soon to look back and feel relief that it ended-just like I do.

 

I don't mean to open up any old wounds, but if you don't mind me asking, how did you get to this point? I'm like so out of control right now, and all we had was some sort of pseudo-relationship. It was like half and half...in that some days she was committed to me, some days she didn't want to have anything to do with me. And this went on for an entire year.

 

And after all this, I still found myself head over heels for her. I can't even imagine how painful a divorce must be. A cousin of mine went through divorce about 7 years ago and he's still really bitter. I wonder if he'll ever get over that one.

[auburnslp]

I was miserable in the marriage-the girl was a mess-awful to me, it was horrible. Yet initially right after she moved out-I told her to-I was sad and down. It just took a couple months of adjustment, and then I was able to realize how much happier I am without her-the same will happen for you-just give it a little time.