Knowing when to stay and when to go

[wonderwoman087]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years... 6 years on and off. We are going through a breakup right now its pretty much my idea I just dont know if im doing the right thing. My parents always taught me that if two people loved each other they should work through their problems no matter what and I love him I do and I know he loves me its just.... .life... having a life together and paying bills and ..... we are just not working out but..... how do you know when to stay and when to really go what if he goes and I regret this for the rest of my life...ugh im sick over this and WHY why why why is it tearing my insides apart and he just looks like his normal everyday self..... why does it cause me PHYSICAL PAIN ... it hurts so bad.

[Jeffrey2095]

I wouldn't break up over material reasons.

 

That would be the last thing at least from my side.

 

Even though money is a big reason for a lot of people.

 

But, to your question, I guess when it becomes personal, not pressure from "life" or outside sources like bills to pay.

 

Jeff

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

Reading that brings up another question -- how come I can get so torn up over something, but he'll pretend like absolutely nothing happened? Can anyone explain that to me really quick? Sorry for being off topic...

[wonderwoman087]

Not off topic at all my post was ALOT of different topics in it lol ! your soooo right it makes things SO much worse I actually have to ASK him if he is hurting I could be crying so hard and really really OBVIOUSLY hurting and he is just looking at me--- OOHHHHH even better looking at MADDEN. I guess now im off topic cause i think he is in love with that damn game sometimes I think it might be a gene that women have and men dont but then sometimes I just think I have gotten myself involved with a complete * * * * * * * , you to i guess lol

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

My guess is that he's just running away from the problem, chosing to ignore it hoping it'll just pass over and no one will talk about it again. But I'm no guy, I really don't know.

[girlie-girl]

"Life" always gets in the way. Question that comes to mind for me is, what does 'having a life together' mean to you? Life isn't all about parties and fun. There are plenty of humdrum things day in and day out that need taking care of as well. Love is what fills in the gaps and makes it all worthwhile.

 

You also can't assume that because he doesn't express himself in the same manner as you do that he's not hurting. Men are much different than we are in the way they express themselves.

 

I'd suggest sitting down together and coming up with a game plan on your life together. See what it is you're both trying to get out of things. If you find that your paths and goals are completely different then it could be time to start looking at getting out. If they are the same, then stick it out and fight for love.

 

But based on your post, I don't understand why you are trying to end things...

[MNmike]

From a guys stand point, my ex didn't let me know when she was having feeling like this. So I had now way to know I needed to work on things, and work TOGETHER with her to figure out the problems. She held them in till they were unbearable and just broke up. I would do anything to know then what I know now, things could have been saved.

But you must let him know in a non threatening manner, do not criticise, do not become defensive, actually communicate. But also make sure you mean business. Believe me, you are more important than some damn video game.