Email From Ex...thoughts?

[laugher]

After a 2 month bout of LC I receive an email from the EX. Not sure how I should take it. Thoughts would be most appreciated.

 

Flew to arizona yesterday... pretty much been asleep since then. Finally caught a day to relax, that didn't mean visiting you and wasting your time. I know, you're going to say its not wasting your time, its sweet that I can sleep when you're around, that I feel safe. But its still a waste of your time, and you take it with grace. Impressive.

 

Hope the family isn't driving you nuts, just think, Vegas. Sunshine. Warp Core Breaches. Keno. Stripper Pirates. Did I just mention the stripper pirates? Scratch that, no looking at them.... they don't exist. Fully clothed, chaste pirates..... yeah....

 

It snowed on my way to the airport. Not real snow or anything, just some harmless flakes. Made me miss real snow though.

 

Stayed at my Aunt **** last night... we stayed there. It's cooler here now, no need for the fan, no sleeplessness from the too warm bedroom. It was very disorienting without you around. You were here last time. You slept on a certain side of the bed.

 

Sorry to get off topic there..... So here I am laying in bed, reading my sad but amazing book that I read all in one day called Feast of Love, and yes you really should read it, and yes it will probably make you cry, but yes you should read it anyways.... so here I am, and here you are not, and I was sad about it. I miss you. I miss you the most when I sleep in an empty bed. Especially one we've slept in.

 

I really wasn't thinking about you when I got here, was just tired and looking forward to the warm and the food and seeing family. And then I walked into grandma's house, where we had biscuits and gravy... we had roast beef sandwhiches this time round. And I couldn't help thinking about how you leaned into me and said you didn't know if you could eat that, and we laughed and choked it down anyways, and felt ill afterwards. Then I came to ****, and I fell asleep on the couch almost immediately, because my life contains almost no sleep these days. And I finally woke up and everyone was asleep, they left my dinner wrapped up on the counter... chicken and mashed potatoes, broccoli and some salad... and I went into my room and idly wondered where you had gone off to, where you had secreted away your luggage so Bandit the dog didn't steal your socks in the night... I was half asleep and hungry and I couldn't put it together that you weren't here. So I ate and read my book and missed you last night.

 

I'm going over the Aunt *** today (my mom's sister, with the snotty pug dog, the pool... where my mom made an ass of herself at the party for my Nana, where the cute picture of us was taken, me in the dress, you in the hat).... and I'm sure I will miss you some more over there. How did you invade the life of my extended family? How did you permeate everything, especially after I thought I had exorcised you completely.... How is it that I can fly 1000 miles and still have little pieces of you floating around my life? When was it that I lost the control, when did I stop dictating how far in I would let you?

 

I miss you, and I'm not happy about it, and christmas has seemed awkward and misplaced without you. Makes me think about that first time I stayed at your house and layed in bed and we watched CSI the whole time and I was too scared of what your parents would think of me to go upstairs and stop being shy about it. Felt like a little girl with a man, like a joke, like your mother would know that I wasn't grown up enough if she caught a good look at me. Suppose I grew out of that, but I'm still scared of your mother a little.

 

Hope you're having a merry christmas, hope everyone is good. Don't hurt yourself skiing, that crap is dangerous. And heaven forbid you realize you're not an indestructible teenager.... anyways, watch out for your mom's punch too, there is alcohol in that. Lots of alcohol. I don't want to hear any stories of you falling down the stairs or off the deck or something.

 

 

 

 

As I said we have been in LC for about 2 months. Mostly brought on by her. This is the first time in 2 months that I have reciveed an email like this.

 

Thanks in advance and Merry X-mas

[jettison]

Who was the dumper? Either way, when someone starts waxing poetic about the past in a letter then the message is quite clear.

 

Please remember us. I remember us, and it means a lot to me. If you forgot about how special we were then it will make me very sad.

 

It's a very passive approach to keeping a person engaged emotionally when you feel like that person might be letting you go. There's nothing wrong or right about it, but she's clearly worried about your distance, and she's attempting to close that gap with this letter.

[laugher]

She dumped me about 9 months ago. Thank you for your thoughts jettison. The email surprised me this morning.

[savannahohsavannah]

But don't do anything about it, okay? Let it drop like so many snow flakes melting on the pavement. I don't see any good coming with you and this woman's romantic return into your life. She is not a stable person to be in love with. She will hurt you again. I see you are still thinking about her, maybe with some regret and longing. I've done it before myself. But once it's broken and they say back off, it's typically just a rehash of the past. At least, that's what happened to me, for what it's worth. Also, Susan Forward, the shrink has a book on Commitment phobia, and that romantic return sure makes me wonder if that isn't what is going on in some part with this woman. A fear of commitment.

 

Don't get tangled up again.

 

Savannah

[Mustang]

Don't you just hate girls sometimes?

 

I back off from my ex and I get the sweetest texts a few days later. Once I respond with a nice friendly message she backs off. Women are insecure creatures. Even if they don't love, they want to be loved.

 

Be careful not to give too much away or you could end up getting hurt again.

[pinkelephant]

Who was the dumper? Either way, when someone starts waxing poetic about the past in a letter then the message is quite clear.

 

Please remember us. I remember us, and it means a lot to me. If you forgot about how special we were then it will make me very sad.

 

It's a very passive approach to keeping a person engaged emotionally when you feel like that person might be letting you go. There's nothing wrong or right about it, but she's clearly worried about your distance, and she's attempting to close that gap with this letter.

 

I agree with this. It's not just us girls though boys. Guys do this too.

[orangesoda]

Whatever you do, don't over analyze this. It's the holidays, when people tend to get sentimental and nostalgic because alot of memories are created during celebrations.

 

She says several times that she misses you...But what she misses are the memories with you.

 

If she really honestly missed you, right here and now...she could just pick up the phone, call you, and say "come be with me".

 

So, be careful. This email is just a way for her to be sentimental, to be nostalgic, and to try to feel that connection one more time, but it IS NOT a communication to try and rekindle things.

[Zorba]

I agree with this. It's not just us girls though boys. Guys do this too.

I agree they do do this too. Women in my experience do it far more. All things being equal, women have a much bigger tendency to come out with the lets be friends line, or indeed to even want that. In very broad terms, men dumpers after a split are more likely to try and get some ex sex with the dumpee, women are more likely to look for emotional support. To attract an ex back of either gender it helps to spot the subtle differences what the genders are looking for. In both cases, withdrawing what the dumper has come to rely on from the dumpee is the the first step.

 

It all depends on the individual of course, so blanket statements or "tactics" have to be addressd on that individual basis.

[laugher]

so let the email slide and see what else comes of it or ask her what do we do about both of us missing eachother.

[TMinCali]

Gee, here's a thought. Maybe she truly does miss him. Maybe she's testing the waters just like dumpees do to get a sense of where his heart is before fully opening up about her feelings for him.

 

Her email almost brought tears to my eyes.. scratch that, it is bringing tears to my eyes. What she wrote was very brave and I'm sure once she hit send, she was probably scared as hell.

 

Don't read this letter as a victim of someone that left you. Read it objectively and really hear what she is saying to you.

 

Or you can take everyone else's advice and ignore it so that she will think you never cared at all and be happy with her decision to leave you in the first place.

 

Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best.

[glimmerofhope]

Gee, here's a thought. Maybe she truly does miss him. Maybe she's testing the waters just like dumpees do to get a sense of where his heart is before fully opening up about her feelings for him.

 

Agree, agree, agree. Folks, a little honesty here: how many of us would give anything to get an email from an ex like this? It's all well and good to go into these things with your eyes open, and to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

 

But love takes a little risk once in a while. She reached out first, so I think it's probably a worthwhile risk to take since there's so much to gain if it goes well. If not, what's the worst that happens? He's set back a little emotionally perhaps, but not really significantly better or worse than he was before.