My Christmas present? A drunk bf and a break up! I HATE $(*&@^# Christmas!!!

[Merrick]

Anyone else break up on boxing day? I feel very lost and alone today. Utterly defeated and broken. I was told that i'd make a bad mother..."just because someone can have babies, doesn't mean they should". I feel like my heart has been shredded. I mean, we are both almost 30 and it isn't like i wanted to be pregnant next month but is that not something that after 3 years together you should be able to entertain the thought of??? Be able to talk about it like adults?

 

I was so disappointed on christmas eve...he's been partying since the 21st, he sleeps at his friends house on the couch or the floor or where ever he passes out, he calls at 3pm on the eve (drunk already again), still not having showered and/or changed his clothes or brushed his teeth so i ask him when he's going to go home and shower and he laughes at me thinking who cares, why shoudl I!!! He says no else knows that he hasn't changed his underwear in 5 days. BUT I KNOW!!!!! Don't most men at 30 go home and change daily? Is he right? Is it too much to ask that my 29 year old bf stop at home to clean up before the most important family dinner of the year? Course, the next day for his grandmas he had to go home and clean up...of course i was a smart ass and said why? Your family won't know you haven't showered in now nearly a week.

 

My God...there is so much more to the story but if i wrote it all out, you'd never read it. Even the stuff i got him for chrsitmas, he opens it and asks where he's gonna put all this junk! Nice hey? I know this is best but some of the hurtful things he said to me was devastating and he doesn't even care after dating 3 years and knowing him for 10. I hurt so bad today.

 

I just need some reassurance that 2008 can and WILL be better.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Honey, you don't know it, but you just got the best Christmas present, which is the awareness that this guy is a LOSER, a drunk, and a TERRIBLE father for any of your future children!

 

2008 can INSTANTLY be better if you get rid of this guy! He's not working on a relationship with you, he is working on being the worst coarse and obnoxious drunk you can imagine.

 

He called your Christmas presents 'junk'?? Think about it for a minute... how would you feel with this guy stumbling in on Christmas eve if you had kids, smelling and reeking of alcohol and RUINING your family christmas... that couuld scar kids for life!

 

This loser doesn't want to have babies because HE is a giant baby. Please don't make the mistake of thinking he will turn into a man and a good father when he appears to only be turning into a real alcoholic and abusive mess.

 

Make 2008 better, DUMP HIM NOW!! you'll fell lonely for a bit, but you're already on your own whether you realize it or not. Don't waste your life nurturing a loser. take some time to pull yourself together, and go out and find someone who loves you and wants a family, not some guy who wants to drink and act like an asshat.

[JadedStar]

I just need some reassurance that 2008 can and WILL be better.

 

It can and will be but not with him and not if you don't open your eyes and realize your almost 30 year old b/f is nowhere even close to being a grown up yet.

 

You can't change him. He is who he is. Doens't sound like you can deal with his behavior and i don't blame you.

 

You want 2008 to be brighter and better? Break up with him ..the sooner the better. If you stay with him it will not get better.

[NewPhillyGuy]

"just because someone can have babies, doesn't mean they should". I feel like my heart has been shredded.

 

This guy is a loser. 2008 is going to be fine as long as you stay far, far away from him. What a piece of work!

[Merrick]

Thanks guys. We are officially done as of last night...he's picking his stuff up from my place and giving my key back today after work. After he told me that he didn't want to have kids with me...I am the bad/mean one? I brush my teeth twice a day and always put on fresh underwear. I have a career (he doesn't work), i have a nice (nicer) vehicle (he doesn't), i have RRSP's (he doesn't know what they are)...i guess that sounds like i am a gold digger, really i just want a man that has his life together.

 

I guess I knew everything that you guys said already. It is just hard to swallow ya know? I know I can't change him and i am tired of waiting for him to grow up on his own. I am not looking for a knight in shining armor but being told i am beautiful once in a while isn't alot right? In 3 years i can count the number of compliments he's given me on one hand i bet.

 

It will be especially tough because we have the same cirlce of friends but i have made up my mind. Now to just stick to my guns.

[ladyblue07]

You don't want the father of your child to be a filthy drunk. Be glad that this guy does not want to have kids with you.

 

You're not the one who has the problem here. He is not good enough for you. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man who bathes regularly and doesn't stay out drinking for days on end.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The thing is you set your goals and standards higher in other things, and he certainly sounds like the BOTTOM of the barrel, not the top.

 

You have nothing in common with him other than wanting to be in a relationship (and not sure he really even wants that). So you will be so much happier if you find a NORMAL guy... this guy is a total mess and you should just move on and not look back. Expect better next time and demand it in a guy before getting serious with him.

[Papillion]

my goodness, this dude is an 8 letter word beginning with A.

 

you're best rid of him love.

 

let some other girl enjoy his 5-days-unwashed c*** and balls. Phew!

 

he cant even show gratitude for a christmas present the ignorant A hole!!

[Merrick]

Again...thanks. Bashing him is making me feel better. That sounds awful but he's the kind of guy that tells me that i am crazy because i expect him to wash up! I can't even ask him to stop at the store for something. A couple weeks back we were at my work party...him being a stick in the mud of course until he starts drinking. I smoke (awful I know) but he smokes when he's drinking. I usually dont mind him having one when i do, but it adds up quickly. On the way home i ask him to stop at the corner store so i can get more smokes (since he smoked half of mine) as well as some chips and stuff because my roommate had some mutual friends over (his friends as well). I ask him to run in b/c my feet hurt from the high heels (I gave him money too) and i wouldn't need smokes in th first place if he'd just grab a pack for a night out of drinking. He just laughed at me like that was the most ridiculous thing for a woman to ask her man of 3 years to do for her. I have friends who's bfs or husbands woudl just naturally run in. Not being asked but because they want to. So, i limped into the store since we have snow i can't just go barefoot or i would have. Rereading that i laugh at myself because i am sure no one cares about the stupid little things, but just having you read and let me vent is making today a little more bearable.

 

Having you guys tell me that i am not crazy is great. I KNOW that i am not. I am a simple woman just looking for a relationship that is mutal and respectful but he throws stuff in my face and twists it around and then i think; is he right? I HATE that because no, he isn't. I thought we were moving towards a real life with jobs, kids, and a mortgage. He laughed at me that "WE ARE SO FAR AWAY FROM THAT WHY SHOULD I EVEN WORRY OR TALK ABOUT IT". I hate him laughing at me and how i feel. Even if he thought something that bugged me was crazy (like a shower every day) shoudln't he be able to do it b/c it would make me happy? ESPECIALLY for christmas dinner with my family????

[ryan123]

This guys is such a loser, lol. Sounds like my sisters ex bf/father of my neice.

 

Dude turned 30 and has had 1 job his entire life at home depot. Lives with his father still and is desperately trying to get my sister back because she now has a good BF.

 

Seriously breaking up with him was the best thing you could have done. How does he expect to pay for things if hes drunk all the time, doesn't shower and doesn't have a job. WTH? I was more of an adult than him when I was 14.

[DN]

I read your post and all I could think was "Ewwww!!!!"

 

So yeah - 2008 will be better. It can only be better after losing this guy from your life.

[Merrick]

I am more of a man then he is! (To clarify i am a woman; and a smart, beautiful one at that.)

 

I moved out at 17, been working as long as i was legally allowed to, put myself through college etc etc. I just want someone who has more interest in his life going somewhere then I do. I dont' expect him to save the world or anything but you all know what I mean.

 

As for the same clothes day in and out...his logic is that he didn't pee or vomit all over himself so its good. Anyone ever kissed soemone who had been drinking for 4 days straight and hasn't yet brushed his teeth in all that time? No? Exactly, neiter have I. I just wouldn't! Sick sick sick.

 

Ryan123...so right. He begged me to take him back a few months ago. We'd been through all this before and he begged me to give him 6 months to show me that he can be the man that i want. Well, it took 4 for him to show me that he's done NOTHING. He said so himself about a week ago when we were fighting. His response? "Starting now, things will change" I know that this will happen again. Him realizing what an idiot he was. It doesn't take much at all to make a girl like me happy. He will want me back but i won't make the same mistake twice. Too bad i listened to my heart instead of my head.

[ryan123]

Thats right sistah! You don't need no man freeloading off everything you worked hard for. It's not fair to yourself giving him an easy ride.

 

He will never change if he hasn't already. 2 Years down the road with this guy and he'll still be talking about change. And I think if you had decided to have a kid with this man he'd just be another dead-beat dad.

 

Find a man whose established himself as a MAN. Who can buy you things and spoil you, who takes showers daily and brushes his teeth atleast daily.

[Merrick]

Nope...no freeloaders for this cat. I dont' even want someone to spoil me and buy me things. I can take care of myself as i always have. But some emotional support and understanding is too much for him i guess.

 

I just wanted to give him another shot i suppose. People change when they want to and I thought i could wait. But if even his hygiene habits are what they are, what the hell is he gonna do when he has to go to work everyday?? In 3 years, i'll bet he's worked MAYBE a year of that altogether! But "that willl change"???

 

I thank God everyday for birthcontrol..haha...that sounds like an oxymoron. But if i did get preggo with this guy, i'd be raising 2 kids instead of 1.

 

marytyler1112...at first i thought you were telling me that i was asking too much! Glad i reread it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

he knows a good thing when he sees it (you), you just have to work on knowing a BAD thing (him) when you see it...

 

just remember that it never pays to try to rehabilitate a person... you get what you see, and if that's not good, just move on, don't expect him to mutate into prince charming after being a toad! nothing evolves THAT far, and he certainly made it quite clear he likes being a toad.

 

Good for you, move on. just think how thrilled you will be to have a normal person in your life compared to him.

[Merrick]

If he even wanted just a little bit of a real life i'd be fine.

 

The hardest part is starting all over again. And convincing myself that someday i will make a good mother. That comment cut me like a knife.

[DN]

If he even wanted just a little bit of a real life i'd be fine.

 

The hardest part is starting all over again. And convincing myself that someday i will make a good mother. That comment cut me like a knife.

It was meant to. But you know that you will be a good mother and love and provide for your children. How will he provide for his?

 

When you get insulted always consider the source of, and the motivation for, the insult.

[Merrick]

I supppose you are right DN. Thanks.

[CatsMeeoow]

He says no else knows that he hasn't changed his underwear in 5 days. BUT I KNOW!!!!!

 

Okay --- just know you are NOT alone in picking out the losers!!! My ex who I went on and reproduced with (unplanned pregnancy) had to schedule himself on his palm pilot to remind himself to shower!!!! LOL!!!!

 

Boy - how was I even remotely heartbroken that I lost this one??? Never fear there always seem to be women out there who WANT this sort of man... he's married now so instead of having to pencil himself in to bathe she now tells him when he needs to attend to personal hygiene.

 

Call me crazy but I really didn't need to raise two babies! One was enough... I did not want to be HIS mother too! Apparently she doesn't mind... we'll see how she feels when they have kids.... I bet she gets tired of it! LOL!

[Merrick]

Wow...there really are others out there like him? That is a scary thought since i will be back in the dating scene one day. Guess i'll have learned a lot from this one though. Anyone who is interested in me that still lives with their parents is completely 100% out of the question. That must mean that mommy is still doin his laundry and providing for him. I want a man in my life not a boy.

 

The only light i was shedding on myself last night while I was fighting to finally fall asleep was thinking about how he'll pick up the next woman.

 

Her : So...what do you do for a living?

 

Him: Nothing.

 

Her: Oh, how do you get money?

 

Him: Don't need it i live at home.

 

Her: Oh, how old are you?

 

Him: 30

 

Her: So, what do you drive?

 

Him: A piece of crap that is always falling apart so be prepared to pick me up whenever i call.

 

Her: Can i have your cell number?

 

Him: Don't have one and my credit will never allow me to actually get one either. Wanna put me on your family plan like my ex (me) did? She tried suggesting getting some sort of credit card to establish my credit but i never listened to anythign she said.

 

Her: Wanna go away this weekend somewhere close?

 

Him: Don't expect us to ever vacation together. Even camping is out of the question unless you can organize, buy food for, cook for , and clean up after me so that i can pass out at 5am in your tent with bbq sauce dried on my face because we had 3am smokies. They were your smokies too and all the condiments and cheese because i didn't bring anything except rum and mix. Oh dont' expect to sleep either because my ex had to go out side and sleep in the hammock since the tent stunk so bad and she couldn't wake me up to kick me out. So if you are down with all those things...wanna hook up???

 

Hahahha...that is actually a fun excersise. I am trying to remind myself of all the stupid ignorant things he said and did to me. I can think of the happy times when i have healed a little more.

[HappyAsALark]

Tell him to take him and his smelly balls else where..Gross!

[greensleeves]

Merrick, you are well rid of this guy. He's on a downward spiral and you don't want to go with him. He's the one who would be a bad parent....you and your future children deserve much better.

[JadedStar]

The sad part is he probably will find someone. There are insecure women all over who think they can "fix" a man with issues.

 

It's almost like buying a car. It is so much safer and more dependable to get one that is already running well and dependable vs putting dollar after dollar into it and something else breaking down once something else is fixed.

[v-neck]

You can't blame Christmas for whats happening!

 

Maybe you should gather his family and friends (the ones who don't act eighteen), and get him help. I try not to be judgemental, especially with people I never met, but yea those things he said were out of line. Gotta help in order to heal.

 

`v-neck

[Merrick]

After a good nights sleep i feel much better today. I know this is best and that i will have a great life one day.

 

Thanks for all the advice and even just reminding me of what a loser i was with. I always really knew it i guess i was hopeful and trying to see the best in poeple. He does have a few good qualities but the bad far outweight the good.

 

2008 is gonna be a great year. Get my head on straight again and start being realistic with whom i think i can spend my life with. Besides, i am worth so much more.

 

Oh...and v-neck, i don't hate Christmas for real. It is just a time of year where everyone should want to be together and have fun and enjoy not fight all the time. It sucks when your heart hurts over the holidays.

 

And Jadedstar, if he does find a woman, all the power to him. I am just glad that it won't be me taking care of him.

 

Happy New Year everyone!!!!