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Unhappy in the marriage


CAsummer2003

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Wow.. I am glad I am not alone. I have been married for 5 years and I am not happy in my marriage right now. My wife has no clue because she is very happy in the marriage. We got married in our early 20s. (Too young to get married) I am currently working full time and going to school. I still love my wife very much but I have no passion in the marriage anymore. I also want to have kids but it's not the right thing to do. I am really stressed because I work and go to school. However, we have been together for about 8 years and I am finding myself bored in the marriage. I feel like I need to be alone and live life a bit more because I am not a happy camper. I would like to take a break from the marriage and feel free once again. My wife has no friends and needs me 24/7. (I could write a book on this) I only have one problem. I can't even talk to my wife about this because it would break her heart so much. I could see myself taking a break from our marriage but I don't think my wife does one bit. I know what everyone is going to say…I need to talk to her first.

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I dont know If you have been welcomed yet so here I go Welcom to entoalone. Now like you sead I am going to tell you to tell your wife before you do brake the marrage, But if you do what to get out and live a single agen then by all meens go for it. It will be hard for both of you. Just do one thing for me and talk to her first.

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You HAVE to talk to your wife about this. Otherwise its certainly not going to get any better. Maybe she has no idea that you are unhappy. Give it a chance. Any relationship without communication is a doomed relationship so you have to talk to each other.

 

You say that talking about it will break her heart. Well I would suspect that you leaving would break it worse. There's no need to hit her with everything all at once. How about one thing at a time? And find a good marriage counselor. They can keep things from getting out of control while you are both working on the problems.

 

Nobody said marriage was easy...

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I agree with avman - you have to talk to her - she's part of this marriage, and the longer you wait to say something, the more it's going to build and the harder it's going to be to say it calmly and discuss it with her.

 

It also sounds like counseling could benefit you both - even if it's not as a resolution to staying married, at least the issues would be clearer, and there would be less resentment on her part. You're not doing her any favors not letting her know her dependency is an issue, and not doing yourself any feeling you're trapped in a lie either.

 

If she really has no clue (and I have to doubt this, she may be covering it well, or denying there's anything to worry about, but you've been together long enough you're probably giving out signals she's picking up on) it's much better for her to KNOW what's on your mind, and what the problems are, than to speculate. Speculation usually leads to thinking there must be another woman, with all the associated anger, and that's not something you want.

 

Take a deep breath, sit her down and talk to her, and talk to her about going to counseling as well. It might hurt you to have to hurt her, but you'll also be relieved after it's out in the open.

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I completely agree with SisterLynch. She is right. Women have a hunch on these things. She's probably acting happy because she doesn't want any friction, but deep down inside, she might be dying.

 

Keeping your feelings away from her is like slowly jabbing at her heart.

 

You need to communicate how you feel. Perhaps, you losing passion is b/c you've kind lost perspective of life due to stress from work and school. In other words, things are not truly settled yet.

 

My suggestion is to keep the passion alive. Once you are married, it's not like dating, one day you feel bored and just wanna break up. It doesn't work that way. There are 2 sides of the family involved. Not just the 2 of you. Marriage is a union, and is more serious than just a casual relationship.

 

By keeping the passion alive, I mean, truly making time to spend together. Sure she has no friends, b/c she's devoted all of her time to you. It makes sense that the marriage is the center of her world, and it should be for you too!

 

Some things to consider are: going to the beach. Do fun things that young couples would do. Be spontaneous and take trips on weekends (I know it's tough due to your limited schedule).

 

Be a little immature with each other. Sometimes when you're too serious, things get repetitive and then you get bored. Do the things that you used to do 8 years before when you guys started dating.

 

Keep the flame alive. Be honest with her. If you are stressed out, tell her. Whatever it is you need to 'communicate' your feelings to her.

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Thank you all for your response and support. I feel so much better talking to someone about this. Everyone is right 100%. I NEED TO TALK TO HER. I am sure she will get upset and cry. She does often say "do you still love me?, are you still happy you married me, don't cheat on me." I am sure she detects something but doesn't want to talk about it. Thank you once again for your feedback.

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Don't cheat during this time, it is the one mistake that will eat your heart out over time. If she is depressed, help her to get the proper diet or exercise or time off. Think about how things were in the past, lie to yourself that the good times are just around the corner, because oddly enough this is the only way that she will get better.

 

Once again think diet, exercise and relief from the guilt!!

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  • 9 years later...

my problem is i cant discuss anything with my husband. he gets so defensive the minute i say i am not happy with something. i just cant be bothered anymore. he has drained my energy so much i feel i cant fight for my marriage anymore. i have put everything into it and its just been one rollercoaster since we married. one minute its ok then next its a downward slope with my husbands depression and mood swings. on top of that he always seems to get ill! we have a beautiful son who is 6 years old but if we did not have him i would definitely not be with my husband. i really dont know what the answer is anymore or i do im just too scared to do it!!! help????????????????

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my problem is i cant discuss anything with my husband. he gets so defensive the minute i say i am not happy with something. i just cant be bothered anymore. he has drained my energy so much i feel i cant fight for my marriage anymore. i have put everything into it and its just been one rollercoaster since we married. one minute its ok then next its a downward slope with my husbands depression and mood swings. on top of that he always seems to get ill! we have a beautiful son who is 6 years old but if we did not have him i would definitely not be with my husband. i really dont know what the answer is anymore or i do im just too scared to do it!!! help????????????????

It would be a good idea to start your own thread as this thread is 10 years old. Thanks. Thread closed.

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