beebee Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 im new to "friendship and friends"... i usually am on another site on ena... i have several questions for the posters... why is it that the people i trust the most turn on me?... it has happened to me again recently... one of my sweet, dear friends has decided to stop all contact with me... there wasnt any arguing, nothing was ever said between us and im left totally confused... i dont understand any of this... this has happened to me before... not much, but it has left me so wary of people... i want those of you that respond (if you care to) to know that i truly love/loved these individuals... i can count in my lifetime, how many times this has happened to me (3) and without any reasons why, im left with nothing but questions... the first was a friend from my past... i thought she was the most loving, kind person and never had a bad thing to say about her... she obviously didnt feel the same way about me... lol... ok... that was so long ago that im way over it... the second time was the man i adored... i loved him so much that i gave up everything for him... obviously it wasnt enough... after 4 years he decided to play some monumental games with me that led to the end of our relationship and i found out that he wasnt the person i thought he was... now on to the 3rd... she was there for me through the breakup of my ex... she listened to me when i was having a nervous breakdown... she was patient to a fault... she was the ONLY one to stick it out with me when all my other friends scattered... i adore her as my friend... i never had one harsh word to say to her or about her... now, she refuses to talk to me... ive called and she wont call me back... i recently put my phone on "no" caller id... she answered and when i said it was me, she hung up on me... i then proceeded to text her... she never acknowledged the texts... she has always had her voice mail turned off so i cant leave messages... so thats out... im scratching my head here... we never had words with each other... as far as i know, all was well... now dont get me wrong... i didnt talk to her every day... i didnt even talk to her every month... it would kind of go into spurts... i have friends that i grew up with that i dont talk to for months, but when we do talk, we pick up where we left off... its as if we just talked to each other the other day... how the heck do i get someone to talk to me so that i can find out what it is that ive done wrong?... i love this person with all my heart for all her help and kindness... also because shes just a great person... i want to fix things and i dont know how to if she wont respond... what would you do?... it hurts me to know that i possibly hurt her and i dont even know what i did... hugs... beebee Link to comment
wiser Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Weird. "Something" must have happened -OR- she perceives you as wronging her in some way -OR- she has just totally lost it. Link to comment
cristal Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I would simply back off and respect her wishes. Link to comment
Sully Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I would simply back off and respect her wishes. This is what I would do. BUT... if you insist on learning and growing by finding out what you did to this specific person. Write her a letter and say...I don't know what I did to betray you and ruin our friendship. I always try to learn from past mistakes. Could you please tell me what I have done? Thanks, ME. Link to comment
jettison Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 This has never happened to me, but I think it would drive me nuts. I'd have to find out what it was all about. If it was about more then friendship, about romantic love, then I can understand that because people need to heal. As for friendships, it would seem to me that there has to be something about your communication style that is causing this breakdown, and just like you've done here, I'd want to get to the bottom of it. This would be my letter: Dear , I know that we don't talk anymore, but please indulge me by just reading this letter. This is the 3rd time in my life that a friend has just left me seemingly without warning, and without my understanding of what went wrong. It troubles me, and I'd really like to find out why this is happening to me. I need this favor from you so I hope you indulge me. This isn't about you. It's about me and why I seem to be losing people that are important to me. Please be brutally honest. DO NOT spare my feelings. It doesn't matter if you have nothing positive to say. Please just lay it out for me. Tell me why this happened so that I can attempt to learn from it so that it doesn't happen to me again. Your insight if very much appreciated. I can accept that our friendship has reached its conclusion, but I do not want to accept that future friendships I make will also reach theirs. Thanks in advance for any and all insight that you give. I will not respond to your response simply to spare your privacy and wishes. Link to comment
beebee Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 thenk you all for your input... i appreciate your honesty, all of you... it is the confusion that has left me shaking my head... in order for me to explain my friendship with her, i would have to tell you all of the things i did for her... but then again, thats not my intention... everything i did was done from my heart and not to throw it into someone's face, so im not going to list them here... i just want the posters to know that it wasnt a one sided friendship... hell, im not even mad... im just sad and confused... i really do MISS her!... i will try the letter but i dont expect any response... if i worded it like you jett, she will laugh her head off... lol... (but then again, thats what i would want her to do isnt it?)... i know your intention was not for me to copy your letter word for word, but you have a special, beautiful way of expressing yourself... im much more "earthier" then you are when i write... lol... thanks again all... i will let you know what happens if anything does... hugs... beebee Link to comment
Postive-Aura Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I would let it go , the same thing happened to me recently so you know what that is life . I just made some good friends today , so see not too bad you can't win them all remember . SEE HERE is how the world works --socialize a lot and meet like a gazillion people so that you don't have to rely on a few . Secondly don't rely on your friends on too much emotional support cause it ain't happening . see if you make a 100 friends lose 10 big deal you have 90 I know all that about quality of friends blah blah but it dosent work in the real world . I mean i have a few like 1 close friend but about 40 friends Link to comment
beebee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 just in case anyone is interested... i bought a beautiful card that said exactly what i wanted to say... i wrote a beautiful heartfelt message inside... i put the stamp on the envelope and then... threw it away... i guess that just about says it all for me as a friend... i no longer care... sigh... no wonder she doesnt want to speak to me... ! hugs... beebee Link to comment
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