Coming Clean about obsessive relationship

[Leesa]

Hi everyone,

 

I want to finally come clean about some terrible things I did starting about 15 years ago. I hurt alot of people, (myself included but I needed to suffer for my actions).

 

I was obsessed with a relationship that started back in 1992 and lasted for several years. I was crazy, truly mentally ill. I wanted him so bad. During this time I lied to try to get him to love me. I manipulated my way into living with him even though we were "just friends" (with benefits) by telling him I had cancer. I kept up this lie for over a year despite the fact that he was falling in love with another woman (he has been married to her for over ten years now). There were tons more lies and manipulation, some of which worked before it all blew up in my face (long story). Finally, I got pregnant and hid it from him for the entire time. When my daughter was a few months old, I finally told him, but he didn't believe me because of all of the past lies.

 

It was ten years later before he knew for sure he had a daughter. I wanted to document this obsession that controlled my life for so long because I wanted others to see how dangerous "loving too much" can be. I am working on an online diary about it all. I am a "writer" so I have tried to make it creative while telling the truth (names changed of course)

 

I know I have done horrible things but I feel the need to "talk" about them. Sometimes I think I am still crazy even though I feel I have come a long way in healing.

 

I want forgiveness, but I have yet to truly forgive myself so I don't expect it from anyone else either.

 

Thanks for listening,

Leesa

[elveden]

Wow. Bit heavy this early in the morning (it's actually 1pm, I just got up late)

 

I can't say I lied to that extent, but I do know what you're talking about. I was once obsessed with this girl who was a devout christian, so I decided to become a christian myself. For like 3 weeks I was pretending to be a christian, getting invited to all kinds of different religious events.. it was really not worth it.

 

The worst part was when we broke up, and I still had all these ties in the local christian community. Everyone expected me to keep turning up to their 'hymn singing club on a wednesday evening' or whatever.

 

It was lame.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am not quite sure how he didn't notice that you were pregnant??? How do you keep up a cancer lie for a year?? I would think he would start to wonder when you weren't having treatments and you weren't getting sick. I just tried to look up your blog and it doesn't seem to exist.

 

Is this post for real???

[0XMICOX0]

I am not quite sure how he didn't notice that you were pregnant??? How do you keep up a cancer lie for a year?? I would think he would start to wonder when you weren't having treatments and you weren't getting sick. I just tried to look up your blog and it doesn't seem to exist.

 

Is this post for real???

 

Crazyaboutdogs just ignore the 2007 portion of the link and it will take you there. Click on 2007 (to the right)

[BeStrongBeHappy]

True obsession IS a mental illness that needs treatment. People who are obsessive have a chemical imbalance that can be treated.

 

so please don't focus too much on gaining 'forgiveness' any more than one would focus on obtaining forgiveness for a broken leg. what you need to do instead is get treatment. have you consulted a counselor and doctor about this?

 

there is a mental component to healing and getting over an obsession that involves trying to right any wrongs you have done, but you really need to address the underlying mental illness that would drive you to this obsession to begin with.

 

and if he fathered your child, then he participated and encouraged your obsession, so he doesn't sound like a blameless innocent...

 

so please take responsibility for your situation by getting medical treatment to ensure you don't spend your entire life suffering over this. you really need to talk to a mental health professional about this...

[Leesa]

It is for real. I was able to hide my pregnancy because I was very obese and I told him I was "swollen" due to cancer treatments. He didn't know anything about treatments for cancer, neither did (do) I, so he assumed I was having them and when he would come home from work and I would be throwing up in the bathroom (from sticking my finger down my throat) it strenghtened my story. He did take me to the hospital ER one time when I acted as though I was in terrible pain from the cancer. When we got there he stayed in the waiting room and I gave the nurses and doctor all instructions that I didn't want anyone giving any of my medical information to him. While there I pretended to them to have terrible pains in my abdomen. It's kind of funny that they did a scan and found out I had gallstones that day and even suggested I get scheduled for surgery. I left the hospital before they released me telling him they had given me a shot for pain and we could go. He bought it all without question.

[Leesa]

Thanks to all who wrote such encouraging words. I appreciate not getting flamed.

[Olive.Juice]

I feel sorry for the kid that was made in all of this.

[Mandyish]

Wow. I was with someone who lied alot. I hated it. I know it's just insecurity though. Good that you are trying to figure yourself out