When to start seriously dating after divorce

[JAG313]

Opions from those that have been there WELCOMED!

 

How long should one wait to date seriously after a divorce? My divorce isnt final yet and I'm beginning to date. Just casually to see what it's like and the best wayt o go about it. Ive made some new friends and havent been looking for anything serious once my D is all said and done or anything but I DID meet an amazing woman I am immensly attracted to recently. Am I sabotaging myself here? I feel like Im emotionally in the clear, not seeing this as a rebound potential for sure. I'm legitimately interested in this woman and I think it's mutual. Continue on with it? How do I know Im setting myself up for disaster here....lol

[brando]

COntinue on. Their are no ground rules for dating after ending a relationship or marriage. As long as you feel you are ready to be emotionally invloved again, and want to be then I say go for it.

 

Unfortunatley with love you cannot be careful, their is no such thing, either you are in it or you are not.

[Zona76]

I was separated when I met my present husband.

I was just sick and tired of the low life I was with running around spending my money, rarely having a job. He was a rich kid. Blew away his inheritance in 6 months. (I let him because it was his not mine)

I who grew up poor learned to save. Ex wanted nothing more than to deplete my account.

When the ex asked me for the "D" inside I jumped for joy. But I was glad he asked.

I had to set him up in an apt. And pay for the divorce. The home we were in in the time was my Mom's. I had learned my lesson. Told Mom NOT to have this house in my name. I'd rather it go to probate than have him get his hands on it. Though he tried and tried to get me for alimony, our daughter told him he'd be laughed out of the courts.

So came the man of my dreams. An internet romance accross countries. He charmed me or I him and we fell deeply in love.

 

It's time for you to begin again. If you are going to date inform the lady you ARE pending a divorce and are feeling responcible enough to let her know.

You are merely being honest.

[Dako]

As soon as you feel ready, dive right in.

I was afraid of ending up locked into a new marriage without exploring my new life, but others seem fine jumping right in.

If it suits you, go for it.

[PixelPusher]

This is my first post here. I came accross this site and since I've been through a painful divorce, I figured I might have some wisdom to share.

 

To answer your question: It really depends. A bit about me: My (now X) wife of 9-years cheated on me and I moved out in January of 2005. It was the 2nd time she had cheated and a devastating blow. I had incredibly low self-esteem and I was a shell of a person. But I had had enough and I left... Our divorce was final in March of 2005.

 

I dabbled in "dating" almost immediately since I needed SOMEONE but wasn't serious about anyone and knew I wasn't quite ready. In May I met a pretty great gal and I thought I was ready and wanted to keep it casual. But my emotions got the best of me, I got way too needy and the relationship went south. Didn't end badly, but I just had too much baggage still. She slowly broke contact and never contacted me again after June of 2005.

 

At that point, I purposely was single and enjoyed my single life. I wasn't interested in dating at all. Just enjoyed my hobbies, visited family, and really put an effort into reflecting/conquering my issues. September rolled around and I became really good friends with a woman. Our friendship slowly developed into a romantic relationship and we've been seriously dating since January of 2006. By then I felt I was healed enough to maintain a healthy relationship. Marriage is seriously being discussed.

 

So, my point is: Take it easy and just listen to your heart. If you're feeling anxious or needy or nervous then you're probably not ready. I *thought* I was since I was feeling pretty good on my own. But once into the first relationship... it brought out a LOT of behaviors I hadn't addressed. These were behaviors that came out ONLY through the relationship.

 

That isn't to say your relationship is doomed to be a rebound... that was just MY case. Take it easy, take it slow and make sure your attraction for her is REAL and not just a "missing body syndrome." Only time will tell. Be honest with yourself and especially HER.

 

Good luck!

[JAG313]

Yea, I'm just taking it as it goes. I do feel I'm completely over my ex..same thing, she had an affair but after I saw what it was like being without her I knew I was MUCH happier and at that point I no longer felt any pain from the situation at all and didn't really care anymore (long background 2 yrs prior to the affair on her end). The only reason I'm not divorced at this point is my wife won't sign due to her financial situation (it's bad and I have the house and kids). I do have a potential business deal on the table right now that could bring me a substancial commission. If it closes, I'm just going to try and buy her out or pay her off rather to just walk away to get this over with. Shes technically engaged but still married to me legally.

 

didn't expect to find an attraction like this so soon but it just happened.