New here please be gentle!!!

[Confused13]

Hi there, this may sound like a rambling post but I would really really appreciate any advice you can offer as I don't have a clue whats going on!

 

A bit of history about the relationship:

We had been together for about 14 months and the relationship was up and down for the first 6 months. I bought alot of baggage to the relationship with me and for the first 4 months we limited things to us just 'seeing each other' as I wasn't sure if I wanted a long term commitment. However after 4 months together we decided the we wanted to be together and I sought councelling for my problems. The councelling was really helpful and something I wish I had done years ago! Our arguments (a result of be harbouring alot of negative emotion inside and it coming out as anger) stopped.

 

However in the week before we broke up I had a small lapse and we argued (Ialways find this time of year hard as it reminds me of my 'issues'). My ex said that he couldn't see things working and it was best to leave it as I obviously haven't dealt with my issued, we don't want the same things from life and basically we are too different.

 

We both cried and went separate ways ( I have never seen him cry previously).

 

He then decided he wanted some time to think as he wasnt sure if he had made the right decision but came back a day later and said this was what he wanted.

 

He asked me to leave him alone over the xmas period and I have done (although it's been really hard!) but he is now making up excuses to text, gets chatty then turns nasty for no reason.

 

I am confused and am not sure why he is behaving like this.

 

He is delaying returning my things to me.

 

Is he unsure of what he wants or is he just plain mean and playing with my feelings.

 

I'm sooo confused

 

xx

[Supa_gurl]

I would be feeling confused too. Geez. To put it bluntly, next time he calls or text tell him "give me back my s**t, get out of my life and have a good one!" You don't need someone who is just this confused, especially when you are doing a great job of working through your issues.

[greensleeves]

I think you aren't the only one with issues here. When you say he gets nasty what do you mean? He's also delaying returning your things to you. So, you aren't sure of what he wants....what about what you want? Maybe a break up or "break" would give you some time to take a close look at this relationship. You took the very smart step of seeking counselling to deal with some past baggage, so you've probably learned alot about yourself recently. If he is being mean and nasty to you, is that really want you want in a relationship? He is going back and forth on this, which is confusing you and not great for your self esteem. Let him know that this decision is not soley his...don't you need some time to think this through? Maybe he's not the one who's right for you...take control of this situation and you will feel much better about yourself and the decision that you ultimately make regarding this relationship. How of your stuff does he have? He does not have the right to withhold it from you.

[Confused13]

Hi,

 

I since the initial post I have asked my ex to leave me alone as, although I want him back, his mixed signals were driving me crazy and I would rather not speak to him than have to predict his moods all the time.

 

He has text me today to apologise for being an a**e and has admitted he is finding it hard to let go and whilst deep down he is doubtful we could ever work this does not mean he is finding it easy in letting go of me. He admits when I leave him alone and do not reply to his texts he panics and this is when he turns nasty.

 

Why is he doing this?

 

Pls any advice would be much appreciated